The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Serendipity]

I love it, love it, love it! Blogging is a good release and I'm excited to get started.

Before, during and after pictures:

http://www.makemethinner.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4929

http://www.makemethinner.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8338

http://www.makemethinner.com/forum/view ... hp?t=10036 (after photos)

[Serendipity]

Think I'll start this journal with a little bit about myself.

I'm 49 years old. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19! Sheez, how lucky was I to find the right one on my first try? I am the very proud mama of two grown sons. My oldest is a Computer engineer and the youngest is following in his father's footsteps and will soon be a CPA. He also married his high school sweetheart. They have one son and one on the way. Thus, my reason for living! Well, not really, but my grandson is truly the light of my life.

I feel very fortunate to have the life I have. We live in a great (though tiny) community. My husband and I work together.....we have a small accounting firm. My husband is also a financial planner. I specialize in individual taxes and do all of the administrative work. My rush hour is literally 2 minutes....one mile up the hill and I'm home

The best part of my job is that since I know the boss, hehe, I get lots of time off during the summer and fall. The time off allows me to do what I've always wanted to do.....be a homemaker! I love taking care of my house, garden, laundry, husband...not in that order, lol. I confess that I have help with the house and laundry (part of the deal with my husband for working, hehe). I also have time to pursue my hobbies - quilting, knitting, reading, gardening, and others that I can fit in.

We spend alot of time at our "cabin in the woods" that my husband and friends built with their bare hands. I would like to exchange that cabin for a condo in a warm climate........maybe someday. It's a hard sell, though, because hubby is a hunter and a dog lover. He loves to be trampin' out in the muck with his setters.....says he's lookin' for birds. I can't relate to it, but I can see that he loves it.

I am one of 7 (!) siblings. I'm right in the middle, but didn't have middle child syndrome because I was also the youngest of 3 kids in 3 years, so I always felt like I was the baby.....even after my 2 younger brothers were born, I was still the baby girl of the family. Our family is only semi-dysfunctional. I suppose not any more than most.

So, anyway, I have a really good life. My next post will intermingle my weight issues with the above. Gotta get on with my day right now.

[Serendipity]

The first time I felt fat was when I was 13. I was at my best friend's house and we were weighing ourselves. She weighed 5 pounds less than me. I was not fat at the time, but I felt fat! This was reinforced by my brothers. I had 4 of them. As soon as I started to develop, the teasing began. My dad also made comments like......you'd better start watching or you'll get fat. I was not fat, but I felt like it.

I wore hand-me-downs. Never really had anything new that was bought in my size. We didn't have much and we would get boxes of clothes from the church and from others. Anything that was near my size I got and I had to wear these clothes until more came or until my sister grew out of her hand-me-downs. Soooo, sometimes things would get tight......I felt fat. I was not fat, but I felt like it. Skirts wouldn't zip easily, I must be getting fat.

When I was in 8th grade, I just thought I had to lose some weight. I wasn't fat, but I felt like it. I went to my doctor and asked him to put me on a diet. He wrote the word "obesity" on my chart and I saw it. I lost 10 pounds. My self image was so messed up, though. I gained it all back and felt fat again. Then I gained a bit more and felt "obese".

I became a cheerleader. I felt fat. My advisor told us to make sure we didn't gain weight. I gained a bit. I felt fat.

I met my husband during one of my thin stages. I still felt fat. We dated for 3 years. I maintained my weight, but I felt fat. I weighed 117 on the day I got married, but I felt fat.

Then the actual struggle began. I gained and lost 30 pounds probably 3 or 4 times in the next 3 years. I look at pictures now from that time. I wasn't fat, but I felt fat.

I got pregnant with my first child and took the opportunity to eat anything I wanted, gained 54 pounds and delivered my child. On the day I delivered, I weighed 194 pounds. I was fat and I felt fat. I nursed my baby, knowing that the weight would just drop off.....isn't that what happens if you nurse? It only happens if you eat right, too. I struggled and lost 25 pounds before getting pregnant again (almost 3 yrs later). This time when I delivered, I weighed 210 pounds. I was definately fat and I definately felt fat.

The second birth was an emergency C-section. It took a long time to recover from that. I gained instead of losing. Slowly over the next 7 years, I gained another 45 pounds. I was huge.

Enter Medifast. I lost it all in 9 monthes. No problem. I looked and felt great. But when the "diet" was over, I went back to the old ways and within 2 yrs. had gained it all back. The emotional impact of that experience made me swear off diets. Why go to all the trouble if I was just going to gain it all back? I was healthy.....maybe I was just meant to be heavy. I felt fine and except for the usual limitations caused by all the extra weight, everything was fine. Well, kind of. Everything was fine except I was fat. My husband urged me to lose weight. I used the "If you love me you shouldn't care how I look" defense. Denial was also in the mix.

Fast forward 10 years. Add 25 more pounds. Add high blood pressure, acid reflux, hiatal hernia, swollen ankles, sore knees and feet. Add three kinds of medication. Add some self hatred. Some hopelessness, some poor me's. Coast along for 5 years in misery, but unable or unwilling to face it. High school and college graduations, Son's wedding, grandson's birth, that couldn't be enjoyed because every moment was filled with thoughts of how I must look.....shame.....just wishing I could hide.

Enter unstable blood pressure. Doctor changes medication.....still unstable. Husband says he regrets not being able to do things together and not being able to travel without worry. Wonders how the rest of our lives will be if things don't change.

Lightbulb literally goes bling over my head! The word Medifast pops into my head. No, I can't do that.....I'll just gain it all back......but I need something! I'm desparate!.....Maybe I'll just try it to get things started....Yeah, that's what I'll do.....maybe 2 months. I approach my husband about it.....he thinks it's a great idea....yes, just 2 months, though.....just to get me started. I google Medifast online and find that I can get it without going through a doctor......I order it that very day. Can't wait for it to come and can't wait to start.

Only 2 months? Nawwwww. It's been 8 months and I love it more every day. Medifast has saved my life.....wait....no....I have a whole new life. That old life is over and I'm living a new one now. I thank God every day that the light bulb went off in my head at the very time I was willing to embrace it.

Wow, it felt good writing it down. I haven't visited some of those memories in a long time.

[Nancy]

Dear Jo ~

Thank you for sharing yourelf once again with us. You are an amazing person and ILY madly and forever. Wanna meetcha...

[Tiolazz]

Jo,

I just had to tell you that I read your posts and had tears in my eyes.

You have said so eloquently how I think most of us have felt throughout our lives...

Thanks for posting this, you will make a lot of us have our own "lightbulb" moments.

You are such an inspiration, such a nice, good woman, and we are all very fortunate to have you in this journey with us.

Thanks and we love you,
Terri

[Serendipity]

Dear Jo ~

Thank you for sharing yourelf once again with us. You are an amazing person and ILY madly and forever. Wanna meetcha...

Wanna meetchu, too! It will happen even if I have to hop on a plane and fly on out there to the left coast!

Edited to add: Maybe you could put me up for a few days in your closet, hehe.

[Serendipity]

Terri, That is so kind of you to say! Thank you. I just love this program and the people I've met here along the way.

[DogMa]

Wow, Jo. Thanks for sharing all that. You're really quite an inspiration.

[SharonR]

Jo, so much of what you said is ME. Doesn't it make you realize how we need to be as parents with our kids? Inforcing a positive body image, not the negative. Thanks for sharing, means we are all not alone.

[FORMOMMY]

From one Steeler fan to another - thanks for sharing all that. You are a phenomenal person and I feel blessed to "know" you. You are slowly convincing me that maybe I need to journal all my pent up feelings.

Sounds like you have a wonderful hubby - I think you should keep him

[Nancy]

Dear Dipity Doo Dah ~

Maybe you could put me up for a few days in your closet, hehe.

When you come to the left side of the map, you may sleep in the guest room, not the Leopard Woman's Closet Lair - though there is a daybed, a Victorian floor lamp and a faintng couch in there...

[Serendipity]

I have a big problem.

I'm having trouble getting upset about anything! I just had to write out a huge check for air conditioning repairs and it doesn't bother me.....what's up with that?

When my husband gets grouchy, I used to grouch back.....I don't have it in me anymore. I either try to cheer him up or get out of dodge until he's over it, lol.

We just got a new puppy (I'm so not a dog lover, sorry) and he's leaving presents all over the kitchen (not my job, hehe).....It used to make me irate.....just can't be bothered now.....whatever.

The bunnies stole the flowers out of my patio pots.....ok, so whatever. I'll replant them.

Hubby leaves a trail of stuff wherever he goes........doesn't matter. He tracks grass in the house.......ok, so let's sweep it up, no problem.

What is wrong with me!!!

I can't get mad.....I just feel so darned cheerful all the time!

[Unca_Tim]

That's disgusting Jo,
QUIT being so happy....

Maybe a trip to the DMV would cure you?

[Nancy]

When you're in the Medigroove, you're Medimellow!

[Serendipity]

Went shopping for my cruise clothes last weekend. It turned out to be a marathon shopping day at the outlet mall. I spent the whole day - from 9:00am till 5:00pm if 4 stores.....and one was a shoe store, lol.

Anyway, I had so much fun trying things on......regular clothes!!!! in regular stores!!!!! I'm sorry, but those big lady stores don't have a fraction of the selection. I used to use the method of.....if it fits or comes close, buy it! I actually had to put things back on Saturday that fit me! I had to decide if I liked it or not! It has been so long since I was thin that this was like a whole new experience.

A movie comes to mind.....can't remember the name, but it's about a boy who's parents raised him in a bomb shelter, never knowing that it was safe to come out. He goes out into the world and has to discover every little thing.....like That was me on Saturday, lol.

I tried on a skirt! It's looked good! Shorts? Yep, I'll take those, too. I even tried on a skort!!! Ok, not quite ready for that, but I have a new item for my wanna do list.

This will be our 5th cruise and I have never been so excited to go on a trip before. I won't shy away from the ship photographers. I'll look good in my dress up stuff. I won't have to look longingly at all the pretty dresses. I'll enjoy exercising and walking the deck. I won't get exhausted after and hour on land. I won't have to go to my room and put my feet up to stop the swelling in my ankles. I might even put on my swimming suit and get in the hot tub or even the pool instead of sitting and watching everyone else.

It's our 30th anniversary trip and I (hubby does, too) just feel like it's our honeymoon all over again.

We were sitting in a restaurant one day with our new phones, snapping pictures of each other. DH took a look at one of me and said that it reminded him on one he took of me on our honeymoon. I'm not kidding myself....but if hubby thinks so, it's ok with me.