The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Zinkette99]

Right on, DogMa. I have been trying to take just that kind of advice. I ordered another movie on pay-per-view today to distract. Haha my cable bill is going to be scary this month!

Let's see... What do I have left. I have 2 full boxes of chili. It's kind of funny because the chili is what convinced me to start Medifast and I hate it. I saw a picture of it online and was like "Heck, if they have CHILI on their plan I can handle that." It was the first medifast meal I ever made. I took one bite and couldn't take another. It's a shame too. I have so much of it.

I've got plenty of shakes fortunately. No more bars at all. I have some cappacino. I have no soups besides the chili. I have a few banana puddings left. And a whole box of chai latte. I will come up with some things. If I order tomorrow night I am hoping to get it by Monday. I will cross my fingers.

Thank you so much for all the support. I need to stock up for the move!

[Nancy]

The Chili definitely needs some spiffing up, IMHO. Try simmering it on the stove top rather than nuking it. I usually make several servings at once, add some diced onion or onion flakes, a bit of beef bouillon, some cumin if ya have it. If not, use some chili powder. Add some salsa and chopped celery, salt & peppa.
The Chili definitely needs some spiffing up, IMHO. Try simmering it on the stove top rather than nuking it. I usually make several servings at once, add some diced onion or onion flakes, a bit of beef bouillon, some cumin if ya have it. If not, use some chili powder. Add some salsa and chopped celery, salt & peppa

The cappuccino and the Chai Latte taste much different made in the blender with ice. I like to add some cold coffee or some decaf coffee crystals. I prefer the cappuccino frosty cold and love the Chai made with 10 ounces of water and I nuke it just 'til it almost boils and sprinkle a bit of cinnamon on the top.

If you have plenty of shakes, try them in the blender – really whip them up for a couple of minutes so they are airy and fluffy. Then freeze them for a while and they are like ice cream…

[Zinkette99]

As much as I want to eat I am going to type in this journal instead. So sorry if this is long and winded in advance. (and thank you, Nancy for the tips on the chili! I am going to try them tomorrow.)

Ugh. My weight. I am so tired of always thinking and talking about my weight. I can't wait for the day where my weight is not an issue in my life or something I have to think about. I just want it to be something I keep track of like my split ends or my chipped toe nail polish. "Ohhh I have gained 2 pounds... Better shave those off so I can stay at 135." How I long for that day.

I remember the first time I realized I was fat. My second grade teacher advised my parents that she had observed a weight gain and that maybe they should be a little more observant of what I eat. I can't believe a teacher got away with telling a parent that, but whatever. I wish they hadn't said it right in front of me. So my mom cut the calories back. I guess it was always hard for her to understand my weight problem. My mother is 5'2 and MAYBE 120 pounds on her "fat day." She married my father at 98 pounds. My dad has always struggled with his weight since leaving the Navy. Of course I had to take after his side, the side that have women with full thighs and padded and wide rumps. I was doomed from the get go.

At least that was my excuse.

I was thing until I was 13 and my mother left. That was a pretty big catalyst for me. It wasn't that I was torn to pieces but my brother and my father were absolute wrecks after she left. I felt like I had to take a lot of emotional care of my father and that is very difficult when you're 13. So I ate to comfort myself. It's the same old story. I remember being weighed in gym class in 9th grade. I was 180 pounds. I mean I was 5'7 but it was still a huge number compared to the other girls in my class who were 110-115 pounds with gym shorts that almost drowned their thighs, they were so loose. My gym shorts always were constricting my legs to the max. I was so grateful for the winter time when we could wear sweats to gym class.

The thing was, besides me weight, I wasn't horribly unfortunate looking I guess. Not that I had many dates but I was never called names or made to feel too freakish. But it was something internal. Besides being mixed up at home I was mixed up with God, upset with Him over the pain my father had to go through, our lack of money, my lack of fashion sense. (I wore scrunchies, people. This was not cool, even in 1996.)

My weight factored into everything. I was very much into theatre and show choir at school. I was a lead in plays but I was always cast as the "matronly" one. If there was a mother, a grandmother, an old aunt (I totally rocked out as Aunt Eller in "Oklahoma!") that was going to be me. And it SUCKED. I wanted to be the romantic lead. The Meg Ryan part. The one who the man chases. But it was never the case. Because I weighed almost twice the size of the willowy girls that played my daughters/nieces/best friends. It kept me trapped in so many ways. It made me give up that passion, I became so bitter.

Yet I never blamed myself.

In college I was away from my strict Southern Baptist upbringing for the first time ever. I really had a great time in college. I went to an all girl's school. My weight, even though there were no boys on most days, became a bigger issue then ever. And it seemed to be an issue for everyone. I have never had a roommate that was not bulimic/anorexic. I envied them for being able to control their weight! Isn't that sick? They were as sick or MORE sick then me yet I envied them. I was a moron in college.

I had a boyfriend that dumped me abruptly one day for some other girl at my school. I wouldn't have been so upset but the girl he dumped me for was repulsive- inside and out. She was a horrible person and she wasn't exceptionally pretty. But she was little. She was thin. I asked him "What's so wrong with me?" And he said "I don't like how you're bigger then me."

That one sentence, from a boy I barely remember... I think of it every day. It hurt me. Very much.

But years went by and one day I upped and moved to Las Vegas on a whim. I wanted to do something wreckless. I didn't have any attachments. Well I hit the jackppt in Vegas... I met my husband, Chris. He is a wonderful man and I love him more then I have ever loved anything in my life besides my family and God.

I weighed 210 when I met Chris. That's still not small but between being 5'8 and carrying it pretty well, he never cared. However at our wedding I weighed 240. Two weeks ago I weighed 267. Chris had been distant. He finally told me, with tears in his eyes, that he wasn't attracted to me like he use to be and it was because of the weight I gained. All I could hear though was "You're not good enough."

And again, it hurt me.

I don't know. This is sounding pitiful. I am not trying to garner sympathy. I did this to myself and now I have to pull myself out of it. Lord, it has been a long hard road. My soul is just tired of dealing with this burden of my weight. I want to be rid of it. I have so many other things I need to think about. I feel as if this weight effects every single decision I make. And I don't want it to be that way. So that's why I am here. And this is where I will stay. Because, to heck with it, I think I am good enough. Even if others don't. And I suppose I am more motivated by that then anything else.

[Nancy]

Zink ~

Are my younger twin sister?

I thank you for revealing more of yourself to us. It is hard to be real and out there when we are face-to-face with people and the MMT Forum and the journal are tremendous tools that help us unveil and release the hurt and pain. Through this journey we find ourselves and taste success.

I can identify with your story in so many ways. About 30 years ago, I wore those same gym shorts you describe - my legs looked like sausages and the other girls' looked like Olive Oyl's...

Trust me, this stuff works. I wish I had more time to write this evening but I am working on a project right now for the TSFL Summer Conference and my deadline is approaching.

You may not have the faith in the program for yourself right now but I can tell you that it is entirely possible for you to lose weight, reach a healthy weight for your height and then stay there. I guess I am saying to you to place your trust in the Lord and in the people He has placed around you. Look to the examples on the Forum – those that are losing along with you, to those who have already lost weight and to those of us who are maintaining our weight.

I wish I could say that once you reach your goal weight, the work is over. It is never over for foodies – every stinkin’ day of our lives, we must think about what we are eating, why we are eating and what we are eating. This is not a cure. It is a marvelous tool that enables us to get control over our eating habits, to establish new views about food and then it takes a commitment to daily do the things that lead to success.

Have you read any of my Newsletters?

Here's a link to "The Other Woman"

http://www.makemethinner.com/newsletter ... letter.htm

I am here to tell you that at age 55, my husband fell in love with me all over again and he can't keep his hands off me - I LOVE it!

I can't promise you that once you reach your goal weight that you won't ever have bad breath, wear a smaller shoe size or that your husband will renew his wedding vows daily but I can promise you that if you follow the program as it is written, stay linked in with your health advisor, you will be successful, you will lose the weight you need to/want to and you will be so glad you did.

Do this for you. Only for you. Others will benefit as well, but do it for you - you are a beautiful person, worthy of renewed health, a restored spirit and the peace that comes with accomplishing a noble task. I believe in you, Zink!

[SharonR]

Hi there girl, your story has really moved me. I know you and I have talked about your recent "goings on" but it's nice to get some backgroud on ya.

I can relate to so much you are saying. I know what your saying when it comes to being in control of your weight. I know for me, I have to give that control up to God. Whenever I try to be the one in charge I blow it!

I can't wait to hear how your move goes and how the weight it just flying off ya!

You're a doll.

Sharon

[Zinkette99]

Nancy, I DID read your newsletter and that particular entry made me cry. Not only because I hate the thought of someone humiliating you or being mean to you (although I hate that!) but because I felt like that was me. I remember the gym teachers barking out our weights. I remember the shame of trying on dresses for events I was suppose to be ENJOYING but which became embarrassing moments on my timeline because I was too fat, too insecure to revel in them. My biggest regret is that I feel like I haven't been able to live my life to the fullest. There are moments I have lost that I can never "do over." Even my wedding... It was a great day AND a miserable day because I did not feel beautiful. I did not feel like other brides describe feeling. I didn't even put an announcement in the paper. My bridal portrait made me almost cry when I saw it and I still haven't hung it in our living room because I hate looking at it.

Blech. I am such a dork. I have never ever ever talked about these things with anyone. It's like, if I don't talk about them then they didnt happen. That means no one noticed. It's a lie I have been telling myself since I was 13.

Well to heck with that. I am excited to be on this program. Yeah, I screw up a lot. There are days I do it wrong. But I am still losing. And I know I will get this right. I have already gotten it right two days in a row. I can only take it one day at a time. Before I was giving up after 2 weeks. I expected 100 pounds to come off in 2 weeks. Ha. I really think I thought that.

Nine months from now I can either be the same person or I can be a thin person. Nine months is not much to ask for a lifetime of being fat. We shall see...

In other news, I placed my brand new order today! I even upgraded my shipping so HOPEFULLY I will have it Saturday or maybe Monday. Here's hoping because I am dying to try out those chocolate mint bars!

[Nancy]

You're doing great - you've already lost 8 pounds!

Don't look back, Darlin' - the hurts we experienced have made us strong...we press on for the prize that awaits us. It is not an easy journey but it is possible with our good MakeMeThinner Family to walk beside us. Look to those that are a few steps ahead of you and trust those of us thay have been shaking for a while. Your start weight is exactly the same as mine - you are taller than I am, Zinky. Your bod will look Slimette...each day you get closer to your goal.

You are doing it!

[DogMa]

So have you tried the chili again? It really does benefit from some doctoring. I don't bother with the stove, but I mix it up ahead of time with 5 ounces of water, some Better Than Bouillon chili base, a little dried or fresh onion and some ground cumin. Then I let it sit in the fridge at least overnight (I usually make a bunch of little containers at once). When I'm ready to have one, I pull out a container, zap it in the micro for two minutes and stir in a spoonful of salsa.

[Zinkette99]

I feel like I only whine and complain on this thing.

This actually has nothing to do with my diet. I did fine today although I am now super low on my foods and can't wait for my new shipment to get in.

My husband... You know, sometimes he's kind and sometimes he's mean. And when he's mean he's pretty mean. And when I get upset he says I am stupid for reacting like I do. He calls me dramatic and over emotional. Maybe I am. But I mean... It's not like I WANT to be upset. But he says things and does things that make me really upset. I can't tell him I am upset because he just makes me feel stupid about it. So I have to keep it in. It's a lonely feeling not being able to tell him how I feel.

Anyway, too personal. And that paragraph probably made very little sense.

It hasn't made it easier that for the last month my father has been living with us. He doesn't pay rent (like I would ever charge my family rent to stay with me.) or pay bills but he made us put our dog outside (who has been inside since we adopted him as a puppy) and always complains about how our place looks and what we're doing with our lives. And it's wearing on my husband. I am afraid he is going to leave me because of the way my father is. In 2 weeks we won't be in this living situation any more but it's just been a living hell. I feel very isolated and alone. And what with trying to lose weight on top of all of this my body and soul just feels drained. Blech.

My journal is a total whine-fest, I apoligize.

[DogMa]

No apologies needed. It's YOUR journal, and you should be able to say what you want. I'm sorry your living situation is so difficult right now; it sounds pretty awful to me.

I can't comment on your husband or dad, since I'm not there, but ... does your husband make you FEEL stupid for your feelings, or does he actually SAY you're stupid? Because that's really not OK.

[Zinkette99]

He has said it just a couple of times. In this context "You getting upset over this is stupid. You're being stupid." But mostly he just makes me feel that way. And it's probably completely justified. Maybe I am stupid for getting upset over certain thing. I don't know... When I feel like something he is upset about is unimportant I don't let him know that. It's important to HIM so it's important to me. Sometimes it just feels really unbalanced.

I am making him sound horrible. He's really not. I am hoping this move will improve things. I just wish he would take me seriously. But I feel like everything I say is invalid. It's just one of those days.

[sidrah]

Well, I think that writing seems to help you get through the thoughts in your head and potential trips to the fridge. You are doing such a good job that it can only get better from here. Whining as you call it is what this is meant for if it helps you somewhere along the line.

Keep on going!!!!!!!!!

[DogMa]

Ah. I've known people like that (heck, my PARENTS were like that). And sure, maybe you're getting upset about something for no rational reason. But that doesn't make you any less upset - sometimes it makes you MORE upset when you know you're crying over nothing. It's not like you can just stop feeling a certain way.

BTW, emotions can run pretty high on Medifast - especially in the beginning. Most of us are used to burying our emotions with food, and if you're following the program, that's simply not possible. Those emotions still need to go somewhere, and it's hard at first to know how to handle things when we're not used to actually dealing with our feelings. It's also a huge change, both physically and emotionally, and that can take a toll in the beginning.

Hang in there. And vent here as much as you need to. Don't EVER be ashamed to voice your frustrations in your own journal!!

[Nancy]

Right on!

We all need a dipsy dumpster at times to help us get rid of or to deal with our emotions. We are emotional beings - it's part of being a human creation so no apologies needed for expressing your fee-fees. If we don't express our feelings, we blow up!

Robin, thank you for helping Zinkette to know that it is common for our emos to get riled easily, especially in the beginning of our weight loss phase.

I went through a grief period when I had to die to my former foody ways - that makes some of us sad, frustrated and angry. I needed to learn optional ways to deal with my stress and emotions since I made a change in my way of life. I used to eat when I was under stress, or sad or worried about things and when I realized that food was not my friend and I had to turn elsewhere, it took me a while to figure out what to do to off-load.

Our family and friends can feel threatened by our weight loss, too. Some spouses and kids are cheesed when we change our shopping, cooking and eating routines because it does affect them when the cupboards are bare...some do not like it and feel like we are imposing a weight loss program on them and they rebel.

It makes it doubly difficult when we share our living space with others. I hope things settle down for you soon and just know that your journal is your special space. We're glad you're here; you're doing the best job you can do. This thinnin' process is not easy. I know it was among the most difficult things I've ever done. Maintenance remains a daily challenge, too. Together we help one another and become stronger – we are stronger than food and we will not let the cheesecake win!

[Tiolazz]

Zink,

I just wanted to send you a big hug... <img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_1_67.gif' border=0> I think you may need one.

Hang in there sweetheart, everything will get better.

Terri