The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DonicaB]

Something Angelia wrote in one of her posts got me to thinking if there was one defining moment when I decided to just not care about how big I got or how much weight I gained.

I have been pondering this for a couple of hours now.......and ya know.......I can't come up with one defining moment. I have a guzillion moments. I'd like to say it all started when my mom passed away 10 years ago, but to be honest with you I had already started packing on the pounds. I was at least 25# overweight even then. After she died I did lose quite a bit of weight but I did not do it healthily. I just couldn't eat. But boy when I did start eating, I really starting eating.

Two months after my mom died my dad started seeing another woman, and 4 months after my mom died he told me he was going to marry this woman. They did marry almost exactly 1 year after my mom died. I tried very hard to be accepting of this lady and to realize my dad loved being married and needed that companionship, but.......this lady was not kind to me, my sisters, or my children. She made our entire families' lives miserable.

To make a very long story short, my dad passed away 6 years after my mom did. Dealing with my dad's wife was a nightmare. I won't bore you with all of the details but I do believe that somehow all of that played a key role in my continual weight gain over the past 10 years.

Why did I turn to food? I know a lot of people who have had worse tragedies in their lives, and yet they didn't get fat. What is it with me? It's not like I don't have a very loving, supportive husband.

I guess I just often ask myself, WHY did you allow yourself to get so fat?

I'm really just rambling here, but feel free to share defining moments in your life..........

DonicaB

[bikipatra]

When I really started putting on weigh was right after the death of my father almost 3 years ago. My father died while I was in the hospital for alcohol dependancy and depression. I was put on THREE psychotropic drugs for depression and anxiety the week my father died. I guess I was at a turning point and I took the WRONG turn. My depression worsened over his death and I used it as an excuse to drink even more. The meds caused me to gain weight even more quickly-in one two week period I put on 20 pounds. The rapid weight gain made me seek further oblivion through booze. It was a vicious circle. I got really fat so quickly that people on the street who had not seen me in a month or two would say "What happened to you? Are you pregnant?" I didn't look in the mirror and I did not allow myself to be photographed. I took to only wearing men's sweat pants in XL or XXL so I wouldn't know the TRUTH of my size. A year ago I weighed what I weigh now 220. I gained the final 14 or 15 pounds from living the live of a slug. I isolated because I didn't want anyone to see me and how big I was. I stopped drinking daily but got NO exercise for weeks at a time. So that's what happened to me! I still have a loss on MF I have maintained of 14 pounds and I plan to keep it and build on it! I am so glad I have this board for support because I lost any friends I had through my months of isolation.

[Principessa]

Awww... bikipatra... I know what you mean about losing friends because of your self-isolation. I've done that. When I find myself in that great big pit of depression I only leave home to go to work. I teach, and this past summer I was VERY depressed and rarely left home. My fiance was in Argentina, and I didn't have anywhere that I HAD to be, so I didn't really go anywhere (Sans the grocery store and drive-thrus!). Even my neighbors started commenting about my isolation. Total hermit. I have found though that many of my friends were there waiting for me to crawl back out of my hole. When I was ready to start spending some time with them again, they were there. Not all of them, but the ones that I now truly treasure. Just wish they had felt that they could force themselves on me when I pushed them away so much!

[bikipatra]

I did a lot of pushing away too. I would not answer the phone because as I told my husband, there was no one I really wanted to talk to or go out and meet...I got such negative feedback on my appearance I did not want anyone looking at me. I live in DC and there are homeless people and crack addicts even in okay neighborhoods who "stake out" the corners to pan handle. I knew I looked terrible when THEY started commenting on my changed appearance. One asked what I was eating to make me so fat. Needless to say, he didn't get my spare change that day!

[raederle]

Hey Donica-- Just wanted to say that you're not alone in wondering why food became the answer. I hope you don't feel so alone, and I hope we can help with that! One thing-- don't forget that you have another defining moment in your life to ponder, too: the moment you took back control and starting Mf-ing. Many many many people won't have that moment to be proud of, but you do... so make sure you remember each day what a great thing you are doing for yourself!

[DonicaB]

Thanks Rae~~ I know I am not alone, thanks to people like you. You are a very giving person. I will remember the day I started taking control back. Thank you for reminding me I have that defining moment to be proud of.

Biki & Principessa we sound like quite the pair (except 3 is not a pair ) Thank you for sharing your lives with me. We can do this. We can learn to be proud of our accomplishments and forget about our failures.

Let's go gang!!!!!

DonicaB