The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DogMa]

I had it, too. Still do, a little bit, but I fight it. And I win a lot more often than I used to.

No one's perfect, and we need to stop expecting that of ourselves. Why is it we can be so understanding and forgiving when someONE else screws up, but so hard on ourselves when we do it? One bad choice is no reason to give up.

I've begun treating myself more the way I treat other people. If someone here posted that they caved to temptation and ate some pizza, would you tell them they've already messed up and might as well just give up and eat whatever they feel like because they'll never make it to goal? Of course not. So why do we tell ourselves that?

[nickieluv]

That is so perceptive, Robin. You're right, I'd never tell another person half the things I tell myself on a daily basis.

Treat myself as someone I care about? Now there's a good resolution.

[jlaman79]

That is so perceptive, Robin. You're right, I'd never tell another person half the things I tell myself on a daily basis.

Treat myself as someone I care about? Now there's a good resolution.

Here's a page right out of my book. New Year's eve and I'm hanging with my hubby and my best friend (female). We got into some really deep conversation that started as a discussion about jealousy in marriage. (yes, I have issues) Anyway, I ended up discovering that I really have some major confidence and body image issues. My hubby says "I truly think you're beautiful" and my best friend says "I really believe it too, so you know it's not just him" and I say "Yeah, but you two really love me, so you see me through a filter, I see the real me." and of course that was so obvious that I finally realized I don't love myself or treat myself with any love.

Sorry to take over your journal. I'm going to get into this in my own journal, but thought maybe you could relate.

Keep up the good work.

[dede4wd]

I think a lot of us have these issues. I'm working on mine. Your story about your husband and friend reminds me of my old come-back...you have to say that, you're related to/love me.

I'm forcing myself to just take a compliment with a simple THANK YOU! And realize people may not be saying nice things because they have to, but because they're true!

Robin, you're so right, I can't imagine saying some of the horrible things to another person that I say to myself.

DeDe

[Karli]

*imagine Scooby Doo song* Nickie... Ni-ickieluv.


On another note (:mrgreen:), I can't wait to hear how your first day back at schooly went .


Cheers,
Karli

[nickieluv]

Well, I've gotten really behind on the boards in only a day, so I'm just going to catch myself up here and see how things go as far as posting now that I'm back to work.

Yesterday I believe I may have finally entered ketosis. I was not hungry at all. Due to circumstances (within my control, but I just made this choice) I did not have my L&G yesterday, but I did have 6 supplements. They were ALL shakes, though, and 5 of them were RTDs. Time was a factor. I got home from work, then taught lessons until 6, then we just got a sleep number bed and I couldn't wait to put it together - but I needed sheets because we got a different size. So after lessons my daughter and I went shopping for bed stuff, and when we got home she went pretty much right to bed, and then I was up until 11 putting this darn bed together. But I will say, I slept pretty well, even though I had wanted to get to bed by 9.

However, all good feelings aside, my scale has depressed me. So now I know I can't weigh every day. Yesterday morning it said I was up 4 pounds from Sunday, and today I was up 2 from Sunday. I know I need to get in more water - I don't get any all day long at work - but I need to go buy some bottled water because I am not drinking the tap water here, no thank you. We have filtered water at home so once I get some bottles, I can refill them every night and work on getting that up.

It just depresses me that I haven't cheated at all, and this little water thing is still screwing me up. I feel like I've got my head on straight about the food, which I didn't last time, but I'm awful at water, which I was great at last time. Being home helped - I could just drink two 32 oz bottles in the morning, and then two more between then and bedtime, and run to the bathroom whenever I needed, and I had my filtered water right there to refill whenever I needed. And the PT job I had then provided bottled water all day long for free. So water during the week is going to take more planning than it used to, and I have to step up to the plate there.

Well, my day is about to begin - I was actually glad to be back at work yesterday, but today I'm a lot more tired and not as thrilled. But it will be a good day, I'll be on-plan, and tonight I'll get my L&G - you don't know how much I'm looking forward to that! I feel a bit hungry today after all - in the time I've typed this I've gotten a rumbly tummy - but I just have to make it another hour or so and I'll have my shake - and I think it's because I missed my "real meal" yesterday.

Oh, I'm just kind of babbling. So I'm going to go. Interesting note - our web filter here at work blocks every kind of chatroom/forum you can think of, but I can access this one. Maybe it's a sign that this is where I should be, that I'm being allowed to access my help zone at work?

[bikipatra]

Weight fluctuations are normal with a new diet and the fact that you are probably drinking more water a day than you ever have before in your life. Trust the process. I know it's hard. Just believe in all the examples on the board that if you do these things you get these results. Patience!

[Karli]

Hi, Nickie. I can understand your frustration. Sorry you are experiencing that . I really think it's the water thing. That makes a *HUGE* difference in having your body flush itself out. Also, yeah, a bunch of RTD's and no L/G during the day is going to be extremely low calorie. Getting in your L/G should help today.

It's really great to hear from you .

Best wishes,
Karli

[nickieluv]

Hmmm - where shall I begin and end this evening?

I cheated. I want to say I only kinda sorta cheated but given Jo's comments on the other thread about how many people are around cheating and thinking it's OK, I shouldn't justify it like that. It's a slippery slope that I'm very susceptible to (say that three times fast!). I have to be completely honest with myself and instead of saying it could have been worse, I need to admit that I consciously stepped off the track.

I chose to have a bigger portion of lean than I should - about 7-8 ounces of shrimp and a Pepsi One with dinner. And then I chose to skip my last supplement and instead eat a jar of nice, crunchy pickles and have another Pepsi One. Yes, that's right, a whole JAR of spears.

Despite what I just said, I can't help but feel that, for me in general, it showed progress. Yes, for MF it definitely was a cheat - whether big or small, cheats are cheats and sabotage the program - but I feel like I've shown some progress just in the fact that it was thought-out instead of random or like I was driven to do it by some external force. I had plenty of time to think about it, I planned it, and I did it. I just wanted something more to chew. And I had to buy snacks today for school tomorrow, so I have three packages of cookies in the house, and I did not even consider ripping into them. So yes, it's progress. I was not 100% compliant, but I did not completely give in to old behaviors.

Now, it was still my fault. I had a RTD yesterday instead of my L&G. I'm kind of stuck with those RTDs because I need them for work - but I'll have to watch myself because they go down really quickly even when I'm trying to just sip them, and they taste very rich and sweet to me. So anyway, no "real" food yesterday set me up for hunger today. And only I can watch myself to be sure I don't let this become a daily thing that turns into going completely off plan. For that reason, I'm not getting on the scale tomorrow. If I see a loss by some chance, I know it will fool me into thinking this wasn't so bad. And I don't need the guilt trip of seeing a gain. But I am looking forward!

I can do this program. I can stick with it. I have seen the fabulous results and I don't want to take the long way around - I want Jo's shortcut!! I am confident that I have the tools to stop making bad choices, and to stop trying to convince myself they're not bad after all. I just still have a lot of work to do on me.

Tomorrow I am going to get in 48oz of water at work. I'd like to just start with that much before I tell myself I have to drink a certain amount at home, too. I don't want to overwhelm myself with rules because, like Karli, I rebel against them the minute they're laid down, even if I made them up myself. I think that's why I'm being more successful this time - because I haven't told myself any foods are off limits, I'm just choosing not to eat them (well, except for shrimp and pickles obviously - Biki, were you saying I might be pregnant? ).

So, even though this happened, I feel good. I just don't feel guilty about it no matter how much I think I should. I could have made a better choice but the thing is, I know I COULD have made that choice. I wasn't powerless to stop myself. I am in control, although I may need to adjust my steering and alignment. And I just really feel confident right now. It may be misguided but I'm proud of myself, darn it!!

******* OK, so it's been about 15 minutes I guess and now I'm starting to feel guilty about it. *sigh* But I can't change it now, I can only change the future - so, self, remember this feeling. It didn't seem so bad at the time but you cheated in spirit and you let yourself down. You are human and you are allowed to make mistakes and I am still trying to learn how to love you, but I am disappointed because I know you can do better.

[bikipatra]

Nickie, you are making this way too hard on yourself. I remember one of your very first posts and I told you you were a little obsessive like me and that was good. You are making me change my mind. Guilt isn't helping you. Aren't Pepsi One's diet sodas??? You don't need to list them as cheats...Eating a whole jar of pickles isn't the Medifast way but if they were dill pickles they had about the same amount of carbs as a bar so they won't kill anything but your water retention. If you want something to chew try sugarless gum. The more disturbing trend I find is your need, and if you have read my journal, I have had bouts with it too-to STUFF yourself with food. Maybe it is something that will pass...You state that you don't want to overwhelm yourself with rules, but there aren't that many. 5-1, water. That's it. In the beginning thats all there is. 5-1-water. Keep it simple and stay away from those pickles.

[Mike]

I think Biki nailed it for you Nickie. Your cheats (well cheat with the pickles since its not 100%, but like Biki said... its not that bad). Pepsi One is allowed, just not more than 3 caffeinated drinks a day is the guideline.
So, all in all, you are following pretty well. Did I see you say you had 4-32 oz bottles of water? Fabulous. I usually only get in 64 oz plus maybe one more 16 oz and a couple coffees. The more water the better.
Chin up and keep it going. You haven't done anything BAD, so don't let that get you down.

[bikipatra]

Nickie-I hope I didn't sound too harsh but I want you to succeed and sometimes we overthink what is a simple process. Yes, you will have cravings based on what you have shared. But regardless of what is going on between my two ears, as off program and whacky as my thinking is, the PROGRAM never changes. (Okay it does, but only when they raise the prices or change the formulations of mint bars and such!)

[nickieluv]

Thank you Mike and Biki. You've said a lot for me to think about. And I don't think you were harsh.

See, I didn't think it was that bad myself - but then I started to feel guilty about not being 100%. I made a rule for myself of no soda, so I saw myself as cheating when I broke that personal rule, even though it only had 1 calorie per can. And I didn't want to justify behavior that was only kind of wrong - it was wrong and Biki, what I mean is that need you saw, to eat more than I need.

It was good that I didn't raid the cookies or the pepperoni or something else. But the fact that I planned and looked forward to consuming a whole jar of pickles, and then just kept eating them even when I was feeling full because I'd already decided to eat the whole thing and I couldn't stop, that's what I need to fix and feel bad about. It's like I transferred my former behaviors around fast food over to that jar of pickles - a better medium, but still an unhealthy choice.

Mike, I used to get in 128 ounces. So far I've had about - um - none. But starting today I've brought 48 (50.7 to be compulsively exact ) ounces to work with me and I'm going to drink them all before I go home. I do put extra water in my drinks when I have them, too, as was suggested to me. And when I'm home I'm still probably going to be drinking the Crystal Light for a while but I found a calorie-free kind and I'm going to use twice as much water as called for. I'm hoping getting in the water will make a difference - I have gained according to the scale and I can't tell you how disappointing that is - and despite my warnings to myself I did weigh today and yep, up another pound - although I hope Biki's right and it's water retention (although where my body would get this extra water to retain I don't know, since I've not been drinking any!).

I have learned that I don't need to give up. I don't let the scale control what I eat - disappointed or elated with the number, I'm just sticking to the program. I don't know if the pickle episode, as it shall be heretofore dubbed, was a little bit of going back to old habits out of comfort, or just plain out of habit, but I will be encouraged that I've become aware of it. Before, with the fast food, I would have a binge and then ask myself why I just did that. I know last night was for a reason, but I have to figure out what it is. I think when I do, I can start nipping that behavior in the bud. Maybe it's as simple as redirecting myself when I feel that compulsion.

So, I guess I need to stock up on some sugarless gum in the meantime, or get some MF oatmeal and try that cookie recipe somewhere around here. Or maybe some soy crisps - an allowable single serving size packet of somthing crunchy and not sweet. (Did I just need the salt for some reason? I read in the first days that might happen.) I need healthier options around if a binge-urge strikes so that I don't do major damage to the program and so I can continue to think about and learn what starts these behaviors.

But this is going to be a success story. I've had too many good choices already to let last night, however bad or good a cheat it was, stop me. I am worth taking care of, and I have the power to resist my old ways, if I try hard enough and set myself up for success instead of failure.

I'll probably have more to say tonight, but I'm just going to keep ruminating today on this. The neat thing is, I don't even doubt that I'm going to have an on-plan day. There just isn't another option.

[bikipatra]

Nickie, there is water in everything we eat or drink. Our bodies are so full of water we miss by about 20 percent being a cloud. (Mike the biologist can confirm.) With the amount of sodium (144% of your body's requirements in pickles alone) you consumed yesterday is is entirely possible to be retaining fluid.

[nickieluv]

OK, so this was a funny and painful lesson learned today - don't chug 32 ounces of water right before you have two classes back-to-back with no chance to potty for an hour! I had to spend most of my second class sitting because I was afraid I was going to lose it - boy that hurts!!

And I STILL feel crazy thirsty. I may have to break down and drink tap water today (eeeeeww) because I only have 16 oz left!