The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[elle4nelly]

Hi!

Since this thread is already out there...what the heck! I’ll post a part 2!

I am losing friends too over dieting. I am getting a little bit bitter about it!!!!!!!!!!!! First of all, ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE SKINNY and have never gone on diets!!!!!!!!! I am tired of being the " Fat -motherly-wise one they all come crying too!! I find that on medifast, it is way 2 hard to socialize a lot! That's fine with me, because I know it's temporary! What I don't understand is why the moment I want to get rid of this burdening mass of fat...all these skinny friends are like doubling the amount of let's go out invitations. One called me over for dinner, I told her...I am on a diet and I can only have a lean a green. I show up and she got LAMB????????????????? and a salad with bacon on it. I refused the lamb, told her it was rather fatty and asked her if I could steam a cup of broccoli and dumped it in some light broth and had a light veggie soup. Well she asked me flat out??? When will you be done with this diet?? You're not fun when you diet! EXCUSE ME????????????????? I had to bite my tongue! Why even argue with an 118lbs woman who's never been on a diet??? She walks around in cutsie outfits and I’ve got rolls all over and I am tired of not being the person I am meant to be because of a body frame of 230 lbs!!!!!!!!!! The nerve of her I thought. I was mad within myself because, I felt like she and the remainder of my friends want me to remain the fat mummy gives us men advice one! NO!!!!!!!!! No more! I want those jeans they wear and those high heels 2.
Some of them are even ruthless!!!!!!! One sent me an email after I turned down 5 happy hours and some other night outing.. She said, I was becoming boring and losing my spunk.
Of course, she's another 125lbs chick. I told her, I was unhealthy, overweight and needed to step back in order to lose some weight and I’ll be back to hang. Her reply was " Oh Nelly...you are beautiful just the way you are!!" Beauty ISN”T THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!! I am pretty and feel Pretty BUT I DON”T WANT THE 230lbs anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cut me a break!!!!!!!! Is it I or some women really don't want to see another women achieve something good???? At this rate I'll be at my goal of 133lbs by end of April and I'll have NO FRIENDS left because I am too boring to guzzle martinis every Friday night and no fun because I can’t have low fat dessert which contains 0 fat but 150 grams of carbs.

I am going to remain on Medifast till all the weight is gone.... but ...it's lonely out there and getting lonelier! I wish someone could explain to me the psychology of what other feel when you choose to change!!! I am still a happy go lucky wanna hangout chick. BUT I WANT THE FAT TO BE GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOWWWWWWWWWW!

Why can’t my friends understand that? I am open for any advice!

Thank you guys!

[ljm498]

Oh wow, I'm so sorry you are going through this! I think that sometimes when we belong to a group of friends, we each have our "roles" in that group. This is how they know you and this is how they relate to you. You are changing your "role" now and either they don't like it or they don't know how to deal with it. I don't know your friends so I can't say why they are doing what they are doing, but it seems to me they like things the way they are and don't want you to change, even if it means you get to be healthy. People who are true friends will come around and will understand your need to back off for a while and SUPPORT what you are doing for yourself. I would sit down with them and explain to them how much their support means to you and have an honest conversation about your feelings, and theirs and see what comes of it.

I really hope they come around for you. And if they don't, there are plenty of people out there who will want to be your friend no matter how large or small you are, not just so being around you can make them feel better about themselves.

Good luck!

[Hyperion]

elle4nelly, I may sound harsh, but are those people REALLY what you call friends??

Maybe it's because I'm a man, and we don't have that kind of thinking, but a friend is someone who accepts you the way you are. If you decide to change, for the best (between overweight ppl, we can understand each other), they have to accept it.

In my case, it went mostly good. Everyone one at the office is cool with what I'm doing, and my friends really hope I'll succeed (of course I had to explain them that Medifast is not a pharmaceutical miracle pill boosted with steroids and things like that).

HOWEVER, because I'm a man, and people at the office are mostly healthy (no one is overweight), two people told me "didn't you think about sport?". I told them that at 260 pounds, I barely am able to climb the stairs and breathe at the same time.

If some people are opposing you, remember that they may not oppose the fact that you want to be thin, they just don't understand the whole "overweight" problem. I highly doubt a former obese person will tell another friend obese person that they're boring because they're taking care of themselves. If your friends don't understand what you do, you have to temporarily put them in the back row.

Remember, you decide what enters and what doesn't in your mouth. Too often, overweight ppl are the "nice mommy" of their friends. It's up to you to decide what you want and what you don't.

Oh, and if your friends are really FRIENDS, they will understand that. Maybe not now, but in the long run, they will. Trust me, I know what I'm saying.

[Jan]

Hi there,
I think I'd be really really tempted to ask those "friends" if they intend to help pay your Dr. bills for all the problems that are caused by extra weight. And, I'm sure they'll chip in for the prescriptions for blood pressure, diabetes and other assorted maladies too!! Oh at least, I know they'll come visit you in the hospital and bring you some nice gifts. But come to think of it they'll probably bring you candy
Make sure these "helpful" individuals know that this is not only an issue of extra pounds ( which you no longer want to cart around) BUT it is a medical issue as well. I always say treat MF as you would a blood pressure pill -- take exactly what you have been prescribed -- no more no less. Friendship is a funny thing. But remember true friends care about you not just about what they can do with you or what you can contribute to the friendship. I think sometimes those "skinny minis" like to have one of the heavier ones with them. It makes a good comparison -- everyone can really see how skinny they are!! Makes me mad
Don't worry -- just keep on going - soon you'll be a slim one too -- but a much kinder, true friend to others.
jan

[mytime]

Gosh - well here is a thought.. and remember this is just me based on a tiny bit of info but ... You mentioned Martinis and cocktails and happy hour. Would it be that these friends are all on liquid diets ??? I mean are they all drinkers ? B/C I will tell you the only people who really won't want to be around you are the ones who are "using friends." Rhis goes fo rhtose we used to pigout with. You know, no one likes to be around someone sober when they are drinking b/c well, it highlights their stupidity.

Now, do you have anyone out there who is supportive ???? I mean other than your new MF family of course ? I also think as your program progresses and you feel up to it you can go out more. MF is FOREVER it is a lifestyle change it is not about isolation, but revelation. There is no reason to be a shut in - at least once you feel less tempted. But I would invest your time and energy in the people in your life who are cool with going on a walk or bike ride instead of to the bar or local Happy Hour. Those are the people who want to be with YOU and they are the ones who will fit into your new healthy way of living. It is sad to lose people you care about and reevaluating relationships - not only with friends but with significant others and yes, ourselves is a HUGE piece of change. They will get used to it and if they choose to move on that will be their loss. Either way you will have a healthier happier life you love. Just my 2 cents, Mytime

[elle4nelly]

Thank you so much for your fabulous Posts!!!!!!

I hear you and I agree with all of you! I had pulmonary embolism and I don't even smoke! I have poor circulation and I have a hard time moving around fast because I lose my breath too quickly. Medifast isn't a vanity thing for me!!! NO! I want health that radiate from within. It would be great to be thin in the process. But healthy of Body, Mind and SOUL is what I am reaching for. I will have a heart 2 heart with each of them! Because things have gotten really out of hand. Last night was Lisa's birthday! They opted to go to a loud drinking hole on a Tuesday evening with a group. I didn't go! I called Lisa and left her a nice happy birthday message! Then Emily calls from some loud place they were all hanging out at telling me, Fraser, Laura, Becca etc. are all here and you should really come! I told her, listen...I have work and I need to rest. She insists! Then I level with her and told her, that I already told her that I need to back out a little and lose some weight for health reasons. That right now temptation is an issue and that I don't want to be around 15 people drinking and eating burgers!! She sigh..And then blurred out " I don't understand why you need to lose weight, women should accept their bodies as is, you are beautiful as is...c'mon..Come out...you don't have to drink...etc..."
I told her flat out with a very stern tone. This is about life or death! Do you remember me in the hospital last year?? I need to do this! She got off the phone with an obvious disappointed " ok...well...have a nice evening"

I believe that sometimes, not always, overweight people who hang around smaller people have to assume roles. In my case it was the comforting one. Also it looks great when you go out with 5 skinny one and dudes wants to talk to them and you're the 3rd leg they want point of views from. Perhaps, they fear losing that aspect of the relationship. Maybe underneath their small frame they are insecure and when I get small as they, then I'll take away some attention when we go out. I don't know...and have decided to be fair enough to talk to each of them. But after the talk, " Walk with me who cares about me and go away who doesn't". Because, as sad as I am to lose friends, I am happy if the trade off is a Healthy body to go with a healthy mind and soul.

My first cousin lost her husband of 8 years last week. 48 yrs old, overweight and high blood pressure! He went to work last wed and never came home ever again. Fell down and they couldn't stop the bleeding in his head. Doctors said his blood pressure was off the roof when he was admitted. Anyway...he died the same day without a goodbye!

I couldn't help but ask myself all week long.... what am I doing with my life! Instead of accepting this unhealthy body. I need to do all in my power to lose the weight!!!!!!!!!
So those of them who will understand me after our talk will gain a better friend, a healthier one. I can't put aside my dreams and health to please others. I am not their mummy! Being overweight shouldn't make me their live cushiony shrink sofa!

Sorry, but I want to reach my potential and dreams! With or without them!

Thank you guys! You are much better friends to me than these women I call friends!!!!!

You're the best!

Nelly

[MamaD]

Ok Nelly...
So here's the deal... I am 51...married...2 young adult children (21-22) and I am fat. I work full time and have a "cottage business" on the side. I work alot to help out with college and my kids. My reason for being on medifast is my health. I am over being cute, I am over being attractive for social reasons... I so desparately want to be healthy for health reasons.

I too have friends that like to go out to eat...and mildly party and have food fun. I love going to lunch and dinner and find a great deal of comfort in the company of my other girlfriends. We go to the beach every summer and we plan it all year....usually revolving around eating and drinking.... However, lately, I have had to back way out ...and stand way down...to the fact that I am doing well on this program and one little drink really will screw things up!! For the most part they do understand... and there is another girl in the group that is doing optifast and she is way stronger then me....so they really do try not to raze us too much. HOWEVER, I too hear....'You are no fun'..while I am on program. How in the HECK does being fat, and tired and sluggish and munching on chips and salsa make me any more or any less fun?????? It doesn't!!!

My cholestrol was 231 when I started medifast...and although I have not lost that much weight... I have lost 30 points in the fat blood category...and in my age group...that is a big deal!! They marvel at that....(We older folk are all about the numbers!!)...

I get the idea that you are somewhat younger then I am... and people who are younger feel threatened by the slightest thing. My age group is more theatened by blood pressure problems, high choloestrol and cancer... all things that are weight related. Hang in there... you have a talk with those girls. Tell them to ease up... that you care about them and really want to keep hanging out with them...but that there are times when you just can't do it... We just need a couple of people to be in our lives that we can count on...not a whole crowd..you know??

Hand in there.. Be true to yourself...the other things will fall in place~!! You are an amazingly strong woman who knows what she is working for...Charge on!!!!

[LAwoman]

Hi Nelly,

I was reading your post and thought you might appreciate the dictionary's definition of "friend".

A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
One who supports, sympathizes with...

I don't know these people, nor do I want to judge them. Based on your description, I can speak of their ACTIONS however. Their actions are based purely on their own interests, be it immediate - they want you right now because that's what they always have, or long term - they want the "overweight friend" who they can come to, count on, not compete for men..., who knows why. The point is, actions often do speak louder than words.

Surround yourself with with people who support and sympathize with you and you will find true friends you can count on and be happy with.

Good luck, and keep up the good work towards a healthier you!

LAwoman

[LeeannNH]

hi nelly

im a bit late on this but i have had similar experiences but none as dramatic as yours. i am really sorry that your friends are uncomfortable with your changing your life. maybe they will come around. im guessing they feel uncomfortable as like you said, the roles are changing. they may be worried just because change makes people nervous. they may be thinking you might not like them anymore and it sounds like you may not after this type of "support."

i wish you luck and know that you will attract true friends with a happier, healthier life. it may be these friends and if not it will be better ones

take care
leeann

[izabelle]

Wow Nelly, thats my story after I had a baby! Everyone said I was no fun anymore. It was tough at first but the good ones stood with me and new ones came along. I have also noticed friendship changes when I have lost and gained weight. What a strange world eh?
Take care of your body as you would a new baby. It is your temple and deserves every bit of TLC you can muster.
You are making a life change that has already given you a multitude of new friends who want to see you succeed! (this forum) You will also find, as your body changes and self confidence grows, you will attract a new set of friends that can see and appreciate a strong woman that can achieve any goal she sets her mind to. Live, Laugh, Love, and Shake It Up!!!!

[Nancy]

Hi, Izabelle ~

Happy to see you around here again, too. Let's gitter done!

[izabelle]

Thank you Nancy! Its been a long time and I was just going through my cupboards and found this INCREDIBLE NEW BREAKTHROUGH IN WEIGHT LOSS!

Imagine that... LOL. And to think its been there all along.

[Nancy]

Hah!

Medifast IS incredible!

It is a good thing you found it before too many pounds found you and took over your bod and your world! Happy shaking and I am raising my shaker jar and my Magic Bullet to your success!