The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[KellyC]

I am embarrassed to death about what I have become. But I think that if I don't put it all out there, I will just continue to bury it inside, and I will never make the changes for myself that are necessary. So, here we go.

Start: Monday, April 23, 2007.
Weight: 406.3lbs (holy cow)
Height: 6 feet, 2.5 inches

Measurements:
64.75 inch bust
62.5 inch waist
69 inch hips
35.5 inch upper thigh
24.5 inch calf
21 inch upper arm

Goal 1: 300
Goal 2: 200
Goal 3: 173 (and/or size 6-8 ).

Day 1: was hard as hell. Headaches, was super hungry and REALLY cranky. Drank 64oz water (maybe a little more) and 5 MF meals, had cottage cheese and salad for L&G.

Day 2: A little easier. Headache still, not so hungry, much less cranky. Drank 96oz water, had 5 MF meals, cottage cheese, tomatoes and cucumbers for L&G.

Day 3 (Today): I feel amazing. Chai Latte for breakfast, bar for next meal, chix soup, and 32oz water so far. I kept thinking if I could just get to Thursday, past that 3 day mark everyone kept talking about, I would be OK. Turns out, it didn't even take that long, as I feel great today. Small headache still, but I think that might be from no caffiene.


I can't believe I let myself get to 400lbs and pants size 30/32. I am embarrassed beyond belief. My cycles have been screwed up for years, I kept telling myself it was "stress". Stress might have been a small factor, but I'm sure it's the double body weight that really caused it.

I am an emotional eater. It began when I was a child, I would sneak handfuls of chips and crackers and cheese.. hiding in my room to eat.. it always made me feel better. As I got older, those handfuls turned into BAGS.

I have wanted babies since I was a kid. I was that child who carried around a babydoll, fed it, changed it and pushed it in a little stroller every day. When I grew out of the babydoll age, around 9 years old, my baby brother was born. So I had a real life babydoll to care for. I think I changed more diapers than my mom and dad did! When I was 12, I started babysitting, and that has continued to now. My 1st nephew was born August, 2006, so that has kept my baby cravings to a minimum.

But, as much as I want babies, I cannot have one now. For alot of reasons, financial (hubby has 1 more year university), my weight is screwing up my menses so badly that I don't think I am ovulating at all, and even if I could conceive, there is no way that I could physically care for a baby 24 hours a day!

So there it is, my main reason for wanting to FINALLY lose all this weight.
I think, after over 10 years of gaining weight, I have come to terms with the things that used to make me overeat, so I am ready to make the changes necessary to feel like ME again.

[Tawanda]

Kelly, welcome to the MMT forums and I think you are going to be a great MF success!!

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Thank you Kelly for sharing what you did in your journal. It's amazing how a journal helps with your weightloss journey. It also helps so many others with a similar situation at the same time.

I'm looking forward to reading your entries and seeing your progress. You are certainly on your way to a new you! We are all here for you!

Keep shakin'!

[Pashta]

It takes guts to admit all that and put it in writing, but you know now you have to complete your journey so you can look back and be amazed at your progress!

I don't even know you yet but I'm proud of you!

You also realize that you are an emotional eater and that is the first step to changing it! Medifast really does do wonders, it will allow you to find other ways to deal with emotions and stress because you are only allowed a certain number of meals each day.

Oh and it really does work! I expect you'll be very surprised when you weigh in!

I can't believe you are so TALL wow! I wish I were so lucky! hehe

[Unca_Tim]

Hi Kelly and welcome,


Glad you started your journal. Looking forward to your success.
Keep us posted....

[queenielou]

Hi Kelly,

Thank you for sharing your story. I started last Saturday and I hope we're both around for as long as it takes.

Keep up the good work!

-Q

[KellyC]

Y'all are so special, thank you for your kind words, support, and answers to questions. Reading your journals is very inspiring, thank you for being here.

Today is that "magical" Day 4!
Maybe I had myself psyched up for it, maybe it really is a little bit "magical".. but I woke up at 8 am today, and I did it without having the huge "morning grumps" that I usually have! I don't think I have EVER in my ENTIRE LIFE voluntarily woken up at 8am (with the exception of Christmas mornings!).

I have been in a dark place for the past 15 years or so, since I was in my early teens. My parents and I never got along, even when I was a kid. I was very willful, always wanted to form my own opinions, I would never take what my parents or anyone said for truth, I had to find my own truth. This caused huge friction between my family and I. There were very very few weekends or summers in which I wasn't grounded for something. So, I ate.

There were boys, men, that I dated, that were decent enough guys, but I wasn't ready to admit to myself who I was or what I had become, so relationships never lasted. So, I ate even more.

Then I met Jer. He lived in another country, was raised another religion, had a completely different culture. We are opposites in almost every way. But we still fell in love. He convinced me to move to Montreal to be with him and his family. It was the best decision of my life.. it was like stepping out of a basement into the sunshine for the first time in YEARS.

Not only did I find Jer, but I found an entire family. They offered me the acceptance that I had never received from my own parents. They believe that everyone has to find thier own way, and to stifle that, is just breaking someone's spirit.

Neither Jer, nor his family ever commented negatively on my weight. They just said that everyone has problems, and it is dealt with differently for everyone. Some overeat, some smoke, some drink, some don't eat at all, and it was not important what I looked like, only what I was doing to fix whatever it was that caused me to overeat.

The 3rd year anniversary of my moving here was on April 8, 2007. I am annoyed that it has taken me so long to make the decision to deal with my demons, and to change my weight. But at the same time, I think that if I had started any earlier, I wouldn't have stuck with it.

So, I am surrounding myself with supportive, positive people, and purging all of the negative.. including the negative feelings and grudges I hold towards my real family.

Oh, and a nice surprise I found this morning.. If I put the cappuccino mix with hot water in the Magic Bullet, it mixes it wonderfully, and it makes great coffeehouse foam! So excited!

[Pashta]

Good for you Kelly! I too find that waking up while Medifasting is a lot easier lol.

You really have a good grip on what you want to do with your life and how you want to fix your issues. That's so great! You will do wonderful here I am sure.

Oh btw, I think all teenagers are like that, I was too hehe.

[Serendipity]

Kelly,

I'm so glad you found us! I lost over half of myself and you can do it, too. I know how it feels to be in that hopeless state. It took me 15 years to make the decision to do something about it.

I know if you keep your present attitude, you will see quick success. There is hope with Medifast.

[bikipatra]

THank you for you being so brave with strangers and being so honest. I loook forward to getting to know you!

[holberry]

Kelly,
Im glad you are here. WELCOME
I can tell you that this program gives immediate positive results . I personally was in a very dark space and after 3 1/3 weeks can barely remember that old me. No kidding. Good going on being here.
hugs
hb

[KellyC]

It's funny, the more time that I spend on the forums here, the more EMPOWERED I feel! I have never in my life been able to take, let alone show anyone full body shots of myself. Never have I admitted to anyone that I needed to lose 200+ pounds, but I did that here, and I told my husband, my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law last night! I have never been so honest before, even with myself.

Yesterday, I had a rough moment. I was about 30 mins from my next MF meal.. and I was hungry, so I went to get a big glass of water. In the fridge, I spied some leftover chicken, mayo, cheese and some veggies.. I knew there was some pita bread in the cabinet.. all the makings for an awesome sandwich.

I stood in the kitchen for a good 10 minutes arguing with myself about that damn sandwich..

I weighed myself last sunday, just before I started Medifast, at 406 pounds. I had told myself from the beginning that I would weigh in once a week, in order to avoid getting frustrated by the water-weight ups and downs.

As I stood comtemplating that sandwich.. I decided that instead of eating it, I would weigh myself instead. Still a little bit naughty, since I had wanted to only weigh once a week, but hell, at least it was still MF compliant, unlike that sandwich would have been.

So I stripped, hopped on the scale (ok, not hopped, as it would have probably broken the scale and the downstairs neighbours would have thought the apocalypse was coming from the huge thump and shaking of thier walls)... and I didn't believe what I saw. I MUST have been standing on it funny. I stepped on again, really careful to make sure I was standing on it properly.. it read the same number.

"THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!", I screamed. (I tend to be overly dramatic at times.)

Stepped on again.. still the same result.

I picked up the scale and shook it.. and unnecessary gesture, I realize, but like I say, I tend to have dramatic moments.

Same result.

I chased down one of the cats, who had a vet appointment on Wednesday, so I knew his exact weight.. and set him on the scale.

He was less than cooperative.

But the scale read his weight correctly.

I stepped on one last time..
it was exactly the same number it had read the previous 4 times....


I HAVE LOST 9.4 POUNDS, IN LESS THAN A WEEK.
HOLY COW.


The end.

[bikipatra]

That is fantastic and I am so glad you picked the scale over the sandwich!

[DonicaB]

Kelly~

I love your descriptions!!!!! Congratulations......doesn't it feel wonderful!!!!!! What an excellent idea to step on the scale instead of eating the sandwich. I may have to try that when those foody thoughts come creeping in.

BTW, I'm glad you started a journal. It really helps us to get to know one another and understand the struggles that we face. I hope I can be an encourager to you on your journey.

Donica

[pinkbugs471]

Good choice.... I am sure your glad you made the right decision.