The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[bikipatra]

Glad you're back at ticker weight and have such an infectiously positive attitude! Glad you're back~

[Lasi]

Great advice. Thanks

[DogMa]

You're lacking motivation after attending the conference?? I only went to the one, but it seemed like motivational stuff was a huge part of it!

C'mon, Diana, the maintenance room is filling up, and we want you in here with us!

[Diana]

I'm enthusiastic and passionate about TSFL, but I wasn't motivated to move on. It's hard to explain -- I think I was caught up in the novelty of where I've gotten to so far. I kind of sat down on the road. I mean, I'm the sized I wanted to be initially, and I'm within 9 lbs of where my doctor wants me, and I'm the slimmest one in my immediate family for the first time in my adult life until Dayna births Elizabeth Anne and loses the accompanying accumulation. This state I'm in is what I've dreamed about. In fact, it's more than what I dreamed about. I haven't realistically dreamed about anything beyond this, and I sure didn't dream about this stage accurately.

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Edit: Ok, this is my journal, so I'll be completely transparent. This may be TMI for some, but this is, I repeat, my journal. It's a public one, but really, this is too much a factor to be left out as it is a record of my journey.

My weight has been my protection. It's safe to be unattractive. It wasn't safe at a much earlier age to be attractive. There was a point when I had gained enough weight that I wasn't attractive anymore, and it was a relief. I am physically attractive again, in fact probably moreso than I was before. And even though the physical situation which made it unsafe no longer exists, it haunts me. I've been working with a life coach for most of the year to lay it to rest, to jettison my past which will propel me forward. But it's scary -- like learning to trust that the world's highest suspension bridge isn't going to give way underneath you even though it's creaking and swaying as strong winds blow and cars drive past.

So, I've learned this year that it's ok to be pretty. It's not a bad or evil or even dangerous thing when someone likes the way I look. And it doesn't mean that I've done anything wrong, either, any more than a rose is wrong for being beautiful or I'm vile for finding it lovely.

Some of those reading this will know exactly what I'm talking about. Others will probably understand. For those who don't, remember this is my journal -- it doesn't have to make sense to you.

Back to original post:
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Bottom line, I can come up with all kinds of excuses and "explanations" for my lack of progress. But it all seems to come back to lack of focus. I've realized, though, that I'm celebrating a physical state that send most people running for some kind of diet or club membership. It took me a while to become discontent with where I am and then want to move forward. Then it took me a while to wrest myself from denial that I was being compliant when I KNOW I wasn't. Then it took me a while to help Mike understand how I was feeling sabotaged by his kind intentions.

But I've been given a whole bunch of clothes I want to wear and can't yet because they're too small at the moment. I've even bought a few "to look forward to." My WHY, though, has to be larger than just new clothes.

My epiphany: this was originally a prescription. I need to get back to treating the program requirements thusly and stop self-medicating. That's what worked in the beginning. I need to remember cause and effect. I don't adjust antibiotics or even prescription painkillers; why, then, am I monkeying around with this? (Rhetorical question -- no response necessary) When I viewed this as my own personal "prescription for health," I shed over 50 lbs in 4 months. It's now 13 months later than that, and I've shed an additional 64 lbs. While that's nothing to sneeze at, consider that in the last 4 1/2 months, I've only left 9 lbs behind. That's not quite 2 lbs a MONTH!!! I will be gentle with myself. It's still progress, and I've had other burdens besides pounds to offload.

My original goal was to be at a healthy BMI by September 16, 2007 -- 1 1/2 years from my start date. I'm not going to make it. However, I AM going to get there and as quickly as my body will allow. (New date: Jan 1, 2008)

I missed the 100 day challenge, but I'm convinced it's the only way to go -- completely compliant. So, here I go. This is my prescription for life. I'm serious about the life I want. And if I want it badly enough, nothing will stop me -- not cravings, not availability, not offers, not curiosity, not bad moods or stress or TOMs, not anything.

So, save that seat, Robin. I'm back on the road with my hiking boots on. Destination: Maintenance Land!

[nickieluv]

Diana - I completely understand your 'insert.' And actually, all of your post.

I was stuck after school let out - I was feeling good, looking so much better, and I seriously considered that maybe I had done enough. It took time to, like you said, rediscover my discontent with my current size and realize that more is really possible. The 100-day challenge is really propelling me forward, so I'm glad you're doing one - I think it will really help.

And the beauty issue - I don't know what yours stems from, but I've written about mine at times in my journal. The thing to remember is - our BODIES may be reverting back to a previous state, but that does not mean our MINDS are going to. I am not the same person I was in college (thank God) and I am not going to act the way I did then just because I lose weight and other men find me attractive. It's not trusting a suspension bridge, for me it's trusting MYSELF to make the right decisions and to just generally be stronger and truer than I give myself credit for.

Stay strong!

[bikipatra]

Diana, your attitude sounds fantastic and like a wonderful plan for success!~

[Mike]

Man do I love my wife! You can do this honey. We can do this together.

[queenielou]

Beautiful new avatar!

[Joy]

Hello!

Wanted to thank you for stopping over with encouragement in my journal! Have a great week end.

joy

[SharonR]

I had no idea you were down to 189!! Wow, that fantastic! You go girl!

[Diana]

SHARON!!! So good to see you. I know you're super busy...

School starts for kids on Tuesday. Today we could have been back (and Mike was). I've been having some pain management issues, so I'll be back tomorrow.

[Lizabette]

DIANA,
It that really you? You're new avatar is unbelievably gorgeous!
So happy you are getting your footing again, and you'll soon be hop, skip & jumping into maintenance land.
I say that, in awe...because you have accomplished so much!
We're a'waitin'!

[Diana]

Thanks for the comments on the avatar, Queenie and Liz

When we were reveiwing the proofs, I couldn't quite believe it, either. In fact, when Sharon does my hair, I can't get my eyes off the mirror. It's more stunned disbelief than vanity. God is gracious, isn't He? I don't think I looked this good even as a teenager. And it's all for Mike who loved me even when I was over 300 lbs and looked like I was 10 years older than I am.

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Those who wander through here and are so inclined, please keep me in your prayers. It's pain again, but this time it's in my face (yeahyeahyeah, all in my head, I know...). Actually, it's been going on all summer. Originally, I thought it was my teeth. The dentist did one root canal and assures me there's nothing else wrong there. The doctor thinks it's probably an infection coupled with migraines. I'm on round 2 of antibiotics plus a battery of prescription pain relievers. I've got a CT scan Monday night (9:30 p.m.). And school starts on Tuesday. I'm a little concerned that this isn't solved yet, but I'm extremely grateful that our TSFL business is making it possible for me to teach part time this year.

[nickieluv]

Your part-time status will be a blessing to you in many ways, I'm sure! I hope this can be cleared up quickly. I have been blessed not to have too much pain in my life, and I wish you a quick resolution to yours.

[MerryMary]

Those who wander through here and are so inclined, please keep me in your prayers. It's pain again, but this time it's in my face (yeahyeahyeah, all in my head, I know...). Actually, it's been going on all summer. Originally, I thought it was my teeth. The dentist did one root canal and assures me there's nothing else wrong there. The doctor thinks it's probably an infection coupled with migraines. I'm on round 2 of antibiotics plus a battery of prescription pain relievers. I've got a CT scan Monday night (9:30 p.m.). And school starts on Tuesday. I'm a little concerned that this isn't solved yet, but I'm extremely grateful that our TSFL business is making it possible for me to teach part time this year.

Be assured of my prayerful support, Diana. I know it can be frightening to think of needing a CT scan but it is a way that doctors can get down to the cause of the trouble; I pray for your comfort and healing in the mean time!