The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Carrie]

Alpha,

I wish it were that simple. The first year I was there I pushed for exactly that, and we had the whole meeting in which it was directed that everyone be respectful and courteous. Unfortunately, as I said, my boss simply cannot handle this, so his solution is to ignore it. And I cannot create change without his backing. Until and unless he decides to change it, it won't change.

There aren't a whole lot of jobs where I live that are available to me, and I'm not quite ready to leave this area. I went back to school last year, and hope that by the end of this year I can achieve a professional certification that will allow me to secure a job with a significantly higher salary. It doesn't change the fact that I have to deal with a ridiculous workplace in the meantime, but it is movement in a positive direction and I can see the payoff in the future.

And I refuse to be driven out by 2 hateful bleepty bleeps, that would be surrendering for sure. This way I leave on my terms.

[Carrie]

Hi Nickie!

YES! It's funny, we seem to have come to the same conclusions in the last couple weeks.

I too have been listening to people for years (Oprah) talk about how it's a matter of thinking you're worth it and taking care of yourself, and I've been hearing it, but not GETTING it. That's because eating was my way of taking care of myself, and I wasn't acknowledging that it is destructive.

I decided a couple weeks ago to start paying attention to my INTENTIONS. Instead of my wants or needs or whims or cravings. My intention is to be healthy and respect myself enough to make intelligent decisions about my body. It hit me like a ton of bricks that until *I* start respecting myself and treating myself well (through the choices I make) that I can't expect anyone else to.

We sure seem to be on the same page.

[DonicaB]

My intention is to be healthy and respect myself enough to make intelligent decisions about my body. It hit me like a ton of bricks that until *I* start respecting myself and treating myself well (through the choices I make) that I can't expect anyone else to.

Well said, Carrie! I haven't respected myself in a long, long time. I have felt like such a failure time and time again. I am finally beginning to feel like that I am in control of food instead of food being in control of me. I don't like the person that I am when food controls me. I am just not happy in that place. I am much happier and feel so much better about myself, knowing that the choices I am making is bringing about a whole new me.......a healthier me........a happier me.

You are doing great, Carrie!

DonicaB

[Carrie]

So it’s day 8 for me, and so far I have had very few problems staying on track. The weekend did get a little trying simply because I’ve got so much more time on my hands and find myself thinking “I’m hungry” just because I’m not so busy.

Sunday I decided to get busy to distract myself and got a start on some of those projects that have been on my to do list for a long time. Which was a win-win for me because I got my mind off food and got some work done around the house.

I’ve also got a new incentive for sticking to it – my Sister is getting married on Sept 29th and I’ll be in a maid of honor dress! I looked around on the net a little bit and guess what? All of the dresses were sleeveless – so I have to get some of this flab off of my upper arms because they haven’t seen the light of day in a couple years. Yikes!

I’m glad that so far things have gone relatively easily and I intend to enjoy it while it lasts, but I also need to be realistic and realize that I’m going to hit some tough times too. I’m hoping that thinking about, and planning for, those times will help me get through them without going off my plan. I have a major one coming up on March 14th. My girlfriend arrives for a 5-day visit. This isn’t going to be easy for me – we have a long history of eating together, and she’s going to want to go out on the town. So I need to think it through, make a plan and then stick to it. I know my tendency is to “throw caution to the wind” during these types of things and the next thing I know several months have gone by and I’m still not back on my plan.

I watched a Dr. Phil last week about how overweight our children are becoming, and they had 2 families on with kids that were seriously overweight. Dr. Phil talked about how it’s the parents responsibility to police the child’s diet and that letting a child get morbidly obese is a form of abuse. Turning it around, how is it any less worse to do that to oneself? I’m just as responsible for myself as I would be for a child of mine. Dr. Phil told one family they were going to have to start ‘commando parenting’ and said that they needed a plan that they stuck to without fail and that when the times got rough they were just going to have to tough it out. So, I have decided I need to follow ‘Commando Medifast’ right now. Stick to my plan without deviation and tough out the bad days.

This isn’t about eating to solve a momentary emotional issue any more, it’s about mental and physical health. It’s about deciding, on a daily basis, that I respect myself enough to do what it takes to get to a healthy weight. I have to keep foremost in my mind that I am doing this with the intention of achieving health. And that intention has arisen out of my desire to take care of myself by making decisions that exhibit respect for, and value in, myself.

[Serendipity]

Commando Medifast!......I like it!

[Tawanda]

Carrie, your post this evening is one that I hope to remember. I like the thought of the Commando Medifast (that made me smile but it also is an excellent plan) along with how we have been abusing ourselves when we overeat. I have come to believe that I'm working on suicide via food consumption when I fail to do what I know is best concerning my food choices, amounts and not losing the extra weight that is ruining my health.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[Carrie]

<sigh> I'm tired........long day at work and today I started my next University of Phoenix online class (advanced financial accounting III) - there's an exciting topic----NOT. I have three more classes to get through before I can sit for the CPA exam. Looking at the syllabus made me scared - not sure how I'm going to get through the next 5 weeks with a heavy work load and trying to get an A in school......but I'm gonna give it my best shot!

Part of why I'm tired is that I'm in the stage where you CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. (actually maybe that'll be good for getting homework done, LOL) Seriously, I need to sleep! I remember this from before......the extra energy is nice - but c'mon I wanna sleep too!

On the other hand being in the zone is really nice. As in "How do you know when you're in the Medizone?" ...... Because you have to remind yourself to eat.

Twice today I was a half an hour late with my shakes because I FORGOT. Now there's something new, LOL. I'm going to enjoy every day I have like this - and appreciate it. Because I know I'm going to have bad days too and am gonna have to tough em out. Commando Medifast!

[bikipatra]

Part of why I'm tired is that I'm in the stage where you CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT. (actually maybe that'll be good for getting homework done, LOL) Seriously, I need to sleep! I remember this from before......the extra energy is nice - but c'mon I wanna sleep too!

!

Oh, is that something I can blame on Medifast? Why hasn't anyone told me. NO wonder all these meds don't work....just when I was planning my suit against Ambien CR...

[Carrie]

Yep, Biki - I think it's MF related.....I did the same thing last time. Just don't need as much sleep and have trouble falling asleep - last night half an ambien did it for me though, whew!

So,

I’m on day 10 now, and I’ve been 100% compliant. Oh and I'm grumpy because it's valentines day and I'M SINGLE, ARGH!

Anyway, I’m weighing myself every day – putting that thing away is harder for me than I would have imagined. I can see that I need to - because in my case it takes my focus off of my real intention to make wise decisions that respect my body and care for myself, and puts the focus on what the number is today – how fast it’s going down. That line of thinking is not a good one for me. It leads to negative thoughts of how long it’s taking, that I can’t do this for several more months, it’s too slow, etc.

The reality is that the next several months of my life are gonna pass whether I’m losing weight or not. And of course I want to get to my goal weight as soon as possible. I want to buy new clothes and be a ‘normal’ weight and everything else BUT it just can’t be about the number anymore. It’s got to be about WHY I want the number to go down – back to health and loving myself enough to take care of me.

(I think my journal is going to be a lot of repeating myself – but I’ve got to keep saying it, processing it, and intending it to turn my thoughts into action.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that if my intention is to do this as long as it takes to get to a healthy weight – whether that be 6 months or 12 – I need to stay focused on, and committed to, that LONG-term goal. And if weighing myself every day detracts from that focus then I need to suck it up and put that scale away.

I have always in the past been focused on a number or a jean size or a body image in my head when I’ve tried to lose weight. The first time I did Medifast 3 years ago I was at (I think) my all time high weight of 267 and I had to go to a John Prine concert in sweatpants because, much to my humiliation, I couldn’t get my size 26 elastic-waisted walmart jeans on. Not good. So, I started Medifast, but it was more out of the immediacy of that seemingly significant barrier of ‘growing’ out of the biggest size they sell in the stores. And I had never before been successful at taking weight off and keeping it off, so I don’t think I had the mindset that I could really do it. I think my underlying motivation was just desperation ‘to get some of the weight off’. I’ve never really realized that before. And yet that’s exactly what I did, I got some of it off, and then decided going out and having fun was more important than losing more.

So this time, it’s different. It’s about getting and staying healthy. I realize that all those years I was eating because that was my way of caring for myself. It’s how I calmed anxiety, dulled anger, filled emptiness, soothed fear – but the problem with that is that my coping mechanism was hurting my physical self. That was easy to ignore for a long time – my blood pressure was normal, etc.

But it’s not so easy to ignore anymore. My blood pressure went sky high 2 years ago, I had to have a surgery and was considered high risk because of my weight, I worry about the toll these extra pounds are taking on my heart and arteries, and joints, etc. And I don’t want diabetes. So maybe I need to rethink the way I care for myself…… cause this way ain’t working real well.

So, I’ve decided that the issue really is about taking care of myself, but that my idea of how to do that has to change. Taking care of myself means not only addressing the emotional issues, but living in a way that creates and maintains a healthy body too. So, I think I’m talkin’ the talk – now I just gotta walk the walk.

[bikipatra]

I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote. I started Medifast 2 days after I stopped drinking alcoholically for the last time. I also quit my job because I was going to work on me, all of me. (and my boss was a psycho witch) My mental, physical and spiritual health. I was lucky enough to be in a position financially where I could do that. Just chuck everything and say this time is about ME. But if I had not, I am sure I would of died of some alcohol or weight related disease or suicide. I was 34 and my father had his first heart attack at 41-42 and he wasn't fat, he was just diabetic and a drinker like me. I really wanted to change, and not just a little. I know this may take 7-10 months for me, and a lifetime of maintenance, but that is fine. I have the rest of my life to maintain being a whole, sentient being, not a raging, fat alcoholic.

[nickieluv]

Carrie, you just repeat yourself as often as you have to. Sometimes it takes a very long time for new ideas to sink in, especially when they have to compete with such old ingrained habits.

I wonder why so many of us have turned to food for comfort. I've read about it, so I know it must not just be me, but it feels that way sometimes - like everyone else just knows how to use food in the right way except me. But know you are not alone. Fighting the emotional battles for me was/is the hardest, because I was in such denial about it. I said all the right things, but couldn't take action because of my fear. Now my fear is that they've just hidden for a while and when I hit maintenance they'll all be back to saddle me with the pounds again.

But this is not about me! I just wanted to tell you that I can relate to the way you've used food in the past and if you feel like you're hitting a wall some day, I'll help you through it if I can because I know where you're coming from.

Congratulations on your streak of compliance and being in the MediZone!

[Sojourner]

I think you ought to change your name to "Commando Carrie."

[Carrie]

I don't know about that, some people might think that meant I was running around without any undies on! Yikes!

[KeleeGrl]

LOL...Carrie your right...that was my first thought!

[Carrie]

Day 13......and again, the weekend is more difficult.

I'm catching myself wanting to eat mostly out of boredom and as stupid as it sounds loneliness. I'm missing my social interaction with my friends, which mostly takes place at bars - and I'm not sure I'm up to going there yet and doing it without drinking. This was a problem I had last time, so I need to find a solution to it. It's not that I don't know that I can go to the bar and NOT drink, it's that I think I'll get there and talk myself into the 'okay I'll just have one' thing. So until I feel more confident I probably need to avoid it.

It also just occurred to me that since I slept in I'm behind on getting all my supplements in. It's 6:30pm and so far I've had only 2 shakes and a l/g. Duh, maybe that's part of why I'm hungry. It's AMAZING how unconscious so much of this is for me, sheesh. So, I'm gonna go have a shake and accelerate the rest of the day meal-wise.