The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Seaside]

I guess it's a dumb question, but as Unca says, those are the easiest to answer. Really what I need is some support and inspiration to get through this weekend. I do well during the week -- DH is an archaeologist and away all week, then he comes back on the weekend and loves home-cooked food after a week on the road eating at restaurants and the 7-11.

Yeah, you guessed it. All my hard work during the week is blown, and I gain back what I lost. This weekend is a 3-day weekend and I've lost 4lbs this week and am knocking on the 10lb club door after my "spell" about a week ago. I don't want to go back to square one. Any advice?

[DonicaB]

Seaside~~that is a tough one. But it is NOT a dumb question.

I have a couple of ideas..........One thing I have tried to do differently is to change how I look at things. My family says lately I have been cooking better meals for them than I did before I started MF. I actually enjoy making a big meal for them even though I know I can't eat all of it. I make sure that what I make includes items I can eat on my lean & green, and then I make added items that I know from the beginning I will not be eating. For example: my 14 year old loves this recipe that his great grandma (my grandma) always used to make. It is a corn casserole and totally not on the plan. I love the recipe also, but I just look at it as doing something nice for him because I love him. I will someday get to have it again, just not now. I have never been one to have the gift of servanthood. (I don't wait on my family often).......but I find that is changing.......suddenly I enjoy cooking for them because I know they enjoy it. I am being careful though to make sure I am giving them healthy choices also.

Another idea is to talk with your DH about how this affects you. I have found that just being open and honest with my DH is so much more satisfying than keeping it all bottled up inside. Is your hubby supportive of what you are doing?

I know it must be very difficult to be apart as often as you are. Weekends do seem harder to me just because my husband is home and I watch him eat stuff I love. But, I have made the choice to stick with this. As Nancy always says, Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. I want to find out if that is true. I am sure it is, but I haven't been thin for so long I have forgotten what it feels like.

I hope that helps, Seaside.

DonicaB

[Seaside]

Thanks, Donica! That does help and I appreciate your taking the time to answer so thoroughly. It really is hard to be apart all week and then only see someone on the weekends, but that's what archaeology is like. We've been apart for YEARS at a time, so having weekends is like a luxury. I am sure the military spouses out there know what I'm talking about when I say it's hard.

Is he supportive? I guess he would be. He spends all weekend resting up for the upcoming week and the last thing he wants to do is go out to dinner, hike or walk because he eats at restaurants all week and his work is nothing but hiking and walking outside. I have friends to do things with, but that means I see him even less.

I can't lay blame at his door if I don't have the will power to resist eating the foods I cook for him; but I think you've put your finger on a problem I need to think about. I resent the fact that he comes home and essentially continues to treat me like hotel staff: I cook, I clean, and he rests, reads, watches tv or works on his maps. He hangs a metaphorical "do not disturb" sign on his forehead. The only "going out" we do is to church. That's one hour of the weekend -- an important one, but only one.

All I can do now is work on myself. I feel much better and stronger; I suppose my motto should be: "Lead, follow or get out of the way!"

[24KaratGold]

I can't lay blame at his door if I don't have the will power to resist eating the foods I cook for him; but I think you've put your finger on a problem I need to think about. I resent the fact that he comes home and essentially continues to treat me like hotel staff: I cook, I clean, and he rests, reads, watches tv or works on his maps. He hangs a metaphorical "do not disturb" sign on his forehead. The only "going out" we do is to church. That's one hour of the weekend -- an important one, but only one.

Hmmm. Sounds like a compromise between the two of you is in order. He is entitled to some rest, yes, but you are entitled to his company and something more than being the wait staff. You're his wife, not his servant. And yes, those sorts of feelings if you don't work them out and resolve the underlying issues can make you dive into food for comfort, not to mention breed resentment and lead to a lot of anger that has to get expressed somehow -- maybe for you it is being suppressed from letting him know about it and instead it has turned up in all those excess pounds.

Life is too short, hon. I'm butting my nose in where it doesn't belong, but I've been here and done this, and am still working on final resolution. Do something, even if it is only in your own mind as to how you are going to deal with him. You are entitled to more; don't feel that just because you are overweight you don't have the right to be treated like a cherished wife and spent some quality time with.

Good luck.

[Walks262]

Seaside,

Not a dumb question. A really important question.

Although my weight has been up and down my whole adult life, the last run up started 7 years ago when within just a couple of months: I met DH (lots of dinners and drinks out), started a new job (no time led to fast (read: unhealthy ) food) and found out that I couldn’t run anymore (bad knees). Then, finally, in 2003 I had some success with the South Beach Diet. However, I only went so far; I flattened out for a year. Then at the end of last year, I went on vacation (too many Monkey La La’s – an island drink sort of like Bailey’s Irish Cream on steroids) and then let myself fall victim to the holidays. I gained back 10 pounds.

It was in March of this year -- after an event when I was particularly disappointed in my weight—that DH and I had a talk. We talked about my need to get the weight off and we talked about some of the “roadblocks” in my way. I am very lucky; he is extremely supportive and would do anything to help. (Some of the fun we have is when he “blames” himself for my weight gain – after all it started (this time) when I met him!)

One of the problems was my need to cook a nice meal for him – a very trim and fit man who has never deviated more than 4 pounds in his whole adult life. We decided that – for a while -- I would only cook things for him that I wouldn’t feel the need “to taste” while I cook. So, I only cook simple things – it’s too hard to spend a lot of time preparing a meal that I can’t enjoy. For him, I cook pasta with simple sauces, sloppy joes, waffles, eggs, burgers, bratwurst, steak… Living in a big city we also have all kinds of convenience foods – it’s kind of an adventure for him when he tries them to see if they are any good. We sometimes order in Pizza or Ribs for him and I put on my MF halo and eat MF Chili with salsa and MF Crackers. Importantly, he now often shares in the lean + green, but he gets more: for example, for him I might add cheese, egg, and croutons and/or toast to his grilled chicken salad. Finally, we keep a supply of cereal, yogurt and juice on hand if he feels the need to eat more.

And now, most importanly of all, he is thrilled with the result, so there are no complaints about his food.

I hope this helps. Good luck. You can do this.

[Seaside]

Thanks to you all for some really good, do-able advice! I really appreciate it all so much.

And as for the Medifast Halo -- ha ha! Perfect.

[Walks262]

Seaside,

O, yeah! The Medifast Halo is really important. It is how I make it through all kinds of temptation. They have cake at work, I put the on and feel very good about myself when I say "no thank-you." Or when I open the freezer and see DH's ice cream, I put the on and reach for the MF Chocolate Pudding I've put there -- it's wonderful frozen. Or when I see DH's snacks (I won't name them -- but we have a supply of all kinds of sinful things that he eats and I resist) and grab the and a big glass of Crystal Light Pink Lemonade. And so and so on.....