The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[TamiL]

Hello All...I feel as if Im in a bad dream....like I had a food dream and woke up in a panic...hoping it was just a dream...but it wasnt..it was real and Im reaping the aftermath RIGHT NOW....
I had almost 15 days of GLORY!! I was doing so great...untill Last night...I had been keeping NOTHING in my house to nibble or snack on...I had no desire to eat anything off plan....my clothes were fitting better..my mind was clear and I was on this kick of never slipping again...untill last night around 11pm...when I got a phone call from my best friend ...hysterical with some bad news....I was sleepy before that phone call...I had even blown off a christmas party so I WOULDNT BE TEMPTED to eat or drink...but I had been to Trader Joes and had some Sweets in the house to WRAP for gifts...
well...with so much in my mind..now worried about my best friend...who is just my heart...we are so close but live so far away from each other ...and I cant get to see her right now......my mind started...and before I knew it..I was shoveling in those sweets I had...untill the whole package was gone...but while doing it...I wasnt even really TASTING the food..I was just thinking and thinking.....not once about how I shouldnt be doing it..but AFTERWARDS...I cried and cried. Food takes over somehow..it truly does...if I had had more in the house to eat..i would have eaten it, when I get triggered to eat....its as if my whole mindset just changes and I am like a raging lunatic.....that just cant stop my jaws....
This morning I have to work...and I feel sick to my stomach....so dissapointed in me...having come the FURTHEST I have ever in so long...and blowing it....
but the things I have done is LINK this....to being overtired..not thinking clearly..and reaching for my DRUG...food...when I dont want to worry about something...although..while shoveling it in...I AM NOT THINKING...untill after the fact. my body was in Ketosis..I was burning fat..now this has set me back a few days....but today is a new start...I will not give this up.
Im sorry to dissapoint all of you who are routing for me and keeping track of my progress....Guido, Guido Jr., all I can do is keep trying..I wont give up. Day one starts again today.
I had to confess..my first thoughts were to just not tell..to just pretend it didnt happen..when I woke up this morning..I prayed it was just a dream..but it wasnt..it was a nightmare..only real!!
what did the food do for me? nothing....just set me back a week probably...and makes me realize every time this happens...why is food so powerful? why couldnt I have been born with a different compulsiveness??? why addicted to food? I am a strong person...unable to control what I put in my mouth at times...and when I cant control that...my whole life feels out of control.

Thanks for being here....for reading this and probably feeling like me...back at groundhog day..waking up with this horrible feeling of failure once again...but NOT GIVING IT UP.

Tami

[BerkshireGrl]

Tami girl,

Trust me, I am RIGHT THERE with you! We are both getting back on track! You got me beat - mine was 6 porking out days, your's was one bad night.

Now, you did a very good thing by keeping 99% of the junk food out of your house. Now you know, when you buy sweets as gifts, detonate, er, I mean, wrap them up IMMEDIATELY I think if they were all covered in pretty paper and a bow and a tag, you would have had the strength to say "what am I doing thinking of tearing into them?!"

Ok, yes, you messed up, and your 15 day streak has hit a bump. Now you are back on, and you CAN make it past another 15! You and me both...

Wishing for another compulsion, well, let's not go there!

I hope your friend is ok - I'm sure she has a wonderful source of comfort in you.

[Nancy]

Tami Girl ~

Whoo Boy! So very glad that you came here this morning. I certainly know how it feels - BTDT...that's why we keep Old Mother Hubbard Cupboards here it's like my insurance policy - it helps to ensure that when I feel crazed, there is no grub to grab.

Sometimes very late at night I hear Terry poking about in the cupboards. When there is nothing there of 'value' he's forced to eat pickles or celery or meat. Two years ago he'd down a quart of ice cream with a half bottle of Hershey's. Berk's right - wrap it (in duct tape!) , get it covered up fast and then put it in the trunk of the car!

Sorry to hear about your friend having such a difficult time - blessings to you both.

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Tami,

It's endearing to hear how you share your best friend's burdens. That's what friends are for. Now, we're here for you to share your burden. Forget about yesterday's goof. You've begun again with your great attitude. You'll get there sweetie. Thank you so much for sharing and for being such a caring person.

Camille

[RavenKat]

I agree with everyone else - you are a caring person and "simply" let emotions take over. Although, we all know how NOT simple it actually is.

You did it, it was bad, it's over. Imagine what you would have eaten if there was nothing in the house: pickles! The holidays are almost over - no more excuses for any of us to have this junk in the house. No more parties where gluttony is king, just plain old January. We can do this!!

Kat