The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[TypingTrish]

Okay, I have myself in a predicament now! My girls high school band awards banquet is next Friday night. A big ordeal. I had to order tickets for my husband and I to be able to attend this function this morning..$20.00 apiece! After my daughter left this morning, I thought..wait wait wait! I'm not supposed to be eating at some banquet! How am I going to handle this?? If I sit there with a glass of water in front of me, I'm only going to draw attention to myself and be bombarded with questions such as "are you sick" "why aren't you eating", etc., etc., etc. Questions I really don't want to hear. Everyone know's I'm overweight..Duhhh....obvious as the nose on my face! But I'm the type who does not like to broadcast to the world that I'm dieting just so others can say "About time she did something about it!" or "Think you'll do it this time?" I want people to notice that I've been dieting by looking at me, not by me making a public service announcement. Make sense?? LOL

How AM I going to handle this! I have to go to the banquet for my girls..I wouldn't miss it for anything! On the other hand, I don't want to mess up my wonderful start! <sigh>


Trish

[explorthis]

How am I going to handle this?? If I sit there with a glass of water in front of me, I'm only going to draw attention to myself and be bombarded with questions

Ok, this topic has come up before, in some way or another. Here comes Mr. Mouth…

Put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. Pretend you are fat, or you’re skinny, who cares. Your friend or co-worker, or acquaintance is sitting at the table, with water only, or is sipping on a Medifast shake. Do you REALLY care? Does it REALLY matter in the general scheme of things? So you ask, they reply what ever the reason is, you contemplate about for oh all of about 8 nano seconds, and go back to your own business. Or, do you mull over it, and think about it over and over wondering what the real reason this person is not eating for? Who cares?

Give them the answer you want to. Type it out for them. Tell them it’s none of their business. (In a polite way obviously) Is it their business? Again, do they REALLY care?

Make up an excuse, don’t make up an excuse, tell the truth, tell a lie, no one really cares do they?

-Mike

[Landylue]

Mike!!! I care if Trish lies, and so will her daughters! I agree with you, though, Mike, that if anyone does ask, they'll want to hear about your new diet, Trish, oh, about 10 seconds MAX, before their mind wanders in some other direction.

Are you on the full fast, Trish? Then you'd better believe that you'll sit there with a glass of ice water and maybe a diet coke, just like the rest of us have to. If you are on the 5-1, maybe you can eat a bit of what they are serving that night. At any rate, if someone asks, give them an extremely brief answer and bounce the conversation in another direction--table settings, room decorations, dresses, make-up, hair, weather, the war--whatever! This program is YOUR business and you don't have to explain to anyone why you do anything, Trish. Just keep bouncing that conversation in another direction.

I want to declare right now that Mike and I and all the others are going to hold you accountable to stay with the program on Friday. There will be hundreds of banquets in the years to come, Trish. Don't let this one throw you off that train to Thinville. It's extremely hard to run and jump back on the train once you've fallen off.

Don't take that first 'wrong' bite.

We will all expect a good report on Saturday morning.

Landylue

[Leigh]

Trish,

People may ask you questions, but I think Landy is right, they will move on and forget in about 10 seconds.

I've had to deal with a few questions at work about eating, and "What the heck are you drinking..." type of questions. It may get on your nerves a little, but it will probably end up making you that much more determined to stick with it.

If someone asks if you are sick you could always go with, "Oh yes, I have this terrible gastrointestinal bug..... " People never want to hear about gastro stuff when they're eating. I bet they'll leave you alone after that! (I am a bad influence, sorry.)

You are going to be okay Trish. Just drink your soda and water, and enjoy watching your girls. You can do this!

Hang in there,
Leigh

[Alison]

Hi,
I just went through this similiar situation for the last 2 days. A friend of mine was in town. I never get a chance to see her and her father passed a way 2 months ago so there was no way I was going to miss spending time with her because of MF. The thing is she wanted to go out to big lavish expense account dinners because she was in town on business. She was so excited when she called to try the 5 star restaurants in the city. One other thing, my friend is obese. So for the the last 20 years I have never discussed weight with her. I just showed my cards. I simply said I am on a liquid diet. I can not eat one thing. She responding with the usual not a salad no coffee or anything. I said NO!
I got together w/her and she was hoping my husband could join us for dinner. He could not. She then said she would feel unconfortable eating with me having nothing. I really laid it on with total honestly. I said you know it just makes me feel worse upsetting other peoples lives(meaning having her sit by herself in some restaurant). I told her it would be nice for me to get dressed up and go out and share some good conversation. That is my joy now. She was cool with it and 2 nights in a row we enjoyed 3 hour dinners so to speak. Sure she made excuses for eating two baskets of bread and the like. It was like looking in to a mirror of my old self. She said things like I haven't eaten all day I had no time and I notice she asked the waitress to take away the peanuts at the bar. That made me kind of happy that maybe she might adopt a heathier lifestyle in some way because I worry for her. When she said you look fine to me I responded with the truth which is I haven't felt fine. I said I need to do this for my health and my soul. SHe was supportive and I know what's the best for me. I don't feel bad anymore thinking oh no I am going to make her feel sef conscious. I used to appease people by overeating sometimes, my mom, my dad certain friends, definately my mother in law. If they feel bad about themselve then that's on them. I know she ate far less because I didn't eat but you know my eating habits are MY business just as hers are her business!! Take care of yourself first!!! Thin healthy people do and always have!!!
Next week I have to go to a function where I would not feel comfortable telling people about my MF. If anyone says anything to me I simply will respond with the truth, "I am not hungry, thanks." This will be the truth because I'll have a shake before I go!! And leave it at that, if anyone presses me which would be rude I have no problems saying please let it go. Believe me no one will say a word after that.
Alison

[Nancy]

Oh, I have been through so many banquets, special parties, etc. I know how it feels to hope that you don’t have to explain, especially in the very beginning of one’s weight loss phase. We have all done it in the past- caved in when someone said, oh, come on! You can have a diet plate! Or you can have it just this one time, can’t you?
NO! I CAN NOT, I WILL NOT because my health is more important to me than anything!

You are going to go to the banquet for your daughters – to see your daughters not for the person across the table from you but for the girls next to you. Because you love them and want to be here for them now and in the years ahead because you are choosing to take better care of your health right now so you will have a life later.

I often told me people that I already ate before I came because I had. Even on the Complete or full fast program a small dry salad will not hurt you. Notice the words ‘small’ and ‘dry’ – no traditional calorie-laden salad dressing. Drink tea and water.

Often I just told people, "It’s a health issue I’ve got goin’ on right now.” That always seemed to suffice. Most folks are so self-absorbed they don’t really notice that much. Especially in a large group. They just focus on themselves and talk about themselves. Don't worry. Be happy!

Alison’s situation was more apparent to her friend that she was abstaining from food because it was just the two of them. Because many of us have failed to reach our weight loss goals in the past, it is hard to tell others that we are dieting again because we don’t want folks to talk about us negatively – or say, “well, a-men, Brother! It’s about time you did something for yourself because you are really fat!”

I didn’t tell others at first either and then eventually I just said that I was fasting. Some folks thought it was for religious reasons, some thought I was dieting. After a while, I didn’t care. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels and no one is going to sabotage us unless we allow them to do it. We choose the party which we attend. I used to choose the Unhealthy fat party, now I choose the healthy and happy party!

Go for it. Shake it up! Please your girls and please yourself.

[Carrie]

Well, we all have to deal with this sooner or later and OVER AND OVER again.

On day 17 for me, I had to go to a restaurant to celebrate my Mom's birthday. My Aunt and Uncle had brought a couple that I had never met. Turns out the woman does hypnosis for stopping smoking and dieting. I declined to eat anything and ordered a glass of water. Which of course caused a flurry of 'You're not eating? Why on earth not?' My Mom was at the other end of the table so she didn't hear this or I'm sure she would've tried to come to my rescue. Welllllllllllllllllllllllllll, the woman interrogated me for over a half hour about the diet, how I'd found it, if I had a support group, what the diet is, the nutrition, etc etc etc. At first I was VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. But I didn't want to offend my Aunt's friend so I embarrassingly answered all her questions. Finally - I don't know how it came down to this - but I just said 'I'm fat and I'm sick of being fat, so I'm doing this so I don't have to be fat anymore.'

I'm still not happy about having had that conversation, but I can tell you one thing. It took a lot of the hiding and embarrassment out of it. Being pushed that far made me stand up and declare myself, and since then it hasn't been such a big deal to fend off the offers of food and questions.

I had a very active social life up until 57 days ago. I went out several times a week, and food and alcohol was always involved. And I am looking forward to resuming my level of social activity when I get to my goal weight. But staying home more often than not is something I am doing right now, for a perscribed period of time, because I CHOOSE to. My friends are still there, and they have accepted this without getting mad. Sure they're disappointed they don't see me as often, but they'll get over it, and so will I.

Even though my best friend knows I'm doing this, he had a request for our company at THE Sunday brunch 2 times in row. (The kind where there's 100 feet of table laden with food and mimosa comes with). I said "Go without me" and he said 'Well, but so and so really enjoys your company and wanted us to go together.' I got in a huff and exasperatedly said 'Look. You know I am trying to diet right now. It would just be too difficult for me to go and see all that food and not eat it. Please tell them I'd love to go, but because of what I'm doing right now, ask them if we can postpone for a while.' And then he got it, and he was fine with it. He's always been no bigger than a minute, and he doesn't automatically UNDERSTAND what I'm going through, but when I explained it to him he 'got it'. I realized then that what I was perceiving as pressure to go off my diet, was just my friends wanting to do something with me. Once they realized they were asking me to do something that would be painful or damaging to me, they understood and wouldn't dream of pressing me into it. And a lot of my internal anxiety during the conversation was me getting angry over having to say out loud that I have a problem with food that I am trying to solve. (Kind of like AA meetings, and having to say 'I'm an alcoholic' for the first time - it ain't easy or comfortable - but it is reality).

People don't always know how to support you, or why what they are asking you to do is so difficult. The people that care about you will understand and support you if you give them a chance to.

The people that don't care about you, or would sabotage you ....... they don't deserve a second of your consideration or attention. If they're strangers and they quiz you tell them WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE SAYING. I don't really care if it's the truth or not, or rude or not. This is your life. Honestly, I would NEVER uninvitedly quiz someone about a health condition, or diet choice, etc, etc. I think that's rude. So why should I get myself bunched up inside because someone does it to me? Frankly, after my long-dinner-quiz I will have absolutely no qualms whatsoever about saying, 'I am not comfortable discussing this private matter.' Or how about 'I'd rather not talk about it.' If that doesn't close the subject I would go one step further and say 'As I said, this is a private matter, and one that I feel is not of your concern.'

I general, I would say that after 2 months on this program, I am a hell of a lot less concerned about what ANYBODY thinks of me or what I am doing. And I think that is very healthy. Too much of being fat is about shame and trying to hide our fat from people. I'm not going to be ashamed of it, or my efforts to change it, anymore. Do what you are comfortable with, don't worry about anybody but yourself (with respect to what they think of you not eating at a function), and don't give it another moments thought.

Carrie

[Nancy]

Carrie,

What an AWESOME writing this is! I love it and I agree with you. Sure wish I had your moxie when I first started.

I was just going to make one teensy suggestion - when my friends want me to come to a foody event and it seems way too big for me to deal with - like the 100 foot table heavily laden with grub, I tell them I would love to meet them later for coffee. I just show up about the time that I think supper would be over and then they don't feel uncomfy with me just having water, tea or coffee while they are eating. Or we meet at a Starbuck's nearby and I have Tazo passion tea while they have one of those fancy dancy drinks.

There are times that we may have to say "No" for now - for our very own good but we will be saying "YES!" lots later, because we CAN!

[TypingTrish]

Carrie, Nancy, Allison, Leigh, LandyLue & Mike (hope I didn't forget anyone!):

Thank you ALL for the wonderful words of encouragement that you have responded with! I know I can make it through Friday night now without any problems! I am on day #9 now and I've lost 9 pounds! I'm not gonna blow it all on one evening!

Let me tell you how my willpower worked out for me today! My husband is a new member of the Masonic Lodge. His assigned post for this year is "Senior Steward"...now for those of you not familiar with the Masonic Lodge, this basically means "REFRESHMENT COMMITTEE"...no wait...not refreshments....MEALS...FULL COURSE ONES! He is responsible for providing the meals at their meetings. Well of course, we all know who winds up doing the majority of that committee work, now don't we??

For tonight, he was going to fix burgers on the grill. okay, cool..I can handle that..no major aroma of meat lingering throughout the house all day as it cooks! However...He wanted to know if I could whip up some potato salad (one of my favorites), some baked beans (love them too), and needed a desert...(uh-oh!) (Good thing I love this guy so much!) Well to make a long story short..I am so proud of myself tonight! I made the potato salad! I made the baked beans. AND...I baked a double batch of chocolate chip cookies (Sorry Nancy) and did NOT snitch one 'lil bit! What a feeling! As the cookies were baking and the smell was so overwhelming, I just sat and sipped my delicious "fuzzy navel" Medifast shake (That is, Diet Rite Peach with Orange Delite MF...Yum Yum!)

I am determined! I can do it! I WILL do it! Just you wait and see!

I'll be sure and check back in Saturday and let ya'll know how the banquet goes. Thanks again for all the support...ya'll are "medifastic"!


Trish

[Nancy]

Dear, Dear Trish ~

Wow! You really truly pock-a-dooly have your head on straight! I am proud of you!

You WILL make it through the banquet with no probs - we have confidence in you!

What? CHOC CHIPPERS? I am glad that you live far away form moi, I'd be sniffin' those goodies bakin' and I'd be wantin' some, fer sure!

After next week, I COULD have some, too! I am on Program, doin' fine. Gonna go have my last shake for the day. Worked in the backyard all day in my leopard suit top and shorts. It was 85 here today! The flowerbeds are happy, I'm happy and I'm on target. Keep up the great work, gang.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!

[elle4nelly]

Girls and Mike,

This was a good thread! I go through this weekly. Not a week passes by where some friend or another wants me to hop on the restaurant, bar, lounge, coffee shop scene....
And I come prepare. I handle it more like Alison. I have all my shakes in. Then I tell them I'm not hungry! Lukily for me, they don't question any further. At most, I'll sip on a diet coke for a while. On my 2 alternate days a week , it's easy! I have a little bit of lean meat and nothing else!(can't have green anyway, because of vitamin K content). And that's that!
Like mike said before, what's 6 months or 8 months of our lives?? When life is sooo much longer!!!!!!!!
Let's not feel as though this is the last supper!!!!!! There will be many more dinners, banquets, barbeque and all ....Please!!!!!!!!
"Food is no longer the boss of me!"
I am the boss of it! I call the shots and I don't take no lip service from Mr. rib, Mr. Icecream, mr. dinner out and all the likes of them.
It takes one wrong bites to spiral down and come off the train...and like landylue said..it's hard ..getting up and running after that train you've just dropped off from! And frankly, the bruises are not even worth it!

Nelly

[Nancy]

Nelly, Girl, ya got it all right! Yeah! you are goin' for the finish line and the ribbon that will be placed around your neck says, "Winner!"

Again, your by-line says it all - whaddya want MOST? Don't cave to the flave, don't cave to the rave...wait for the premium!

[TypingTrish]

Well gang....the dilemma about the banquet is not an issue right now. I won't need to be checking in Saturday morning to let you know how I did (Oh how I wish I still did though). The banquet has been postponed due to the tragic death of one of the band members father this morning in a car accident. It has been postponed to later in May out of respect to her and her family, along with the concert that was planned for tonight Makes my "little" problem seem oh so trivial right now.

Thanks again for the support. Please remember this family in your prayers.

Trish

[Nancy]

Oh, Trish!

We are SO sorry to hear about this!

Your posting just reminds us about how precious is life and how quickly it can end. We will pray for this family, that they will be comforted and upheld in this time of tragedy.