The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[queenielou]

Sojo - I'm not trying to add up your age or anything, but you said something about grandkids and kids being married but you look 26.

Unless you and your husband got together when you were still a baby, I can't figure it out.

[Pashta]

Thank you Sojo. I have said exactly that to my ex many times. He has an untreated mental illness and is extremely unreasonable most of the time. His wife listens to everything he says and behaves just like he does.

My husband didn't believe me at first until he saw it firsthand... now he says he gives me mad props because he said he would have lost it a long time ago. I speak calmly and rationally to this man and he literally screams on the phone calling me names, right in front of our son. He showed our son our freaking join custody agreement with all the terms. Is that normal or logical? Shouldn't the child/ren be left oblivious to all that and never be put in the middle?

He had my son call me last night saying that I need to give them money. Our arrangement is there is no child support because he gets him for half the year and I get him for half the year. We split the cost of school fees, supplies, clothing and medical. He somehow convinced my son that I owe them and never paid any of that, which is SO untrue.

I bet if I got out the receipts and showed my son he still wouldn't believe me he is that brainwashed from his father. I am at my wits end and sometimes I think maybe I should just give full custody to his father because he doesn't listen to me or care anyway.

[Sojourner]

Sojo...you look 26.

OMG, I LOVE you!!
HeeHee.
First of all it was my stepson I was talking about.
His dad and I have been together for 19 years, and I
left 26 about that long ago, too. Thanks so much though!
My avatar photo doesn't show the silver threads running
through my hair! But I refuse to dye them...I've worked hard
for each and every one of those buggers! It's my badge of honor!
I'm 45, btw.

Can y'all see my grin from where you are??

<img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/39/39_9_7.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D39%252F39_9_7/image.gif">

[Sojourner]

Pashta ~ that situation sucks!
Now, this may just be the psych student in me talking, but I really believe that all children of divorce should receive therapeutic counseling of some sort. Especially, when the divorce is ugly, or if the ongoing relationship between the parents is not healthy. Is this an option for your son? I don't know what your financial situation is, but most counties have places where fees are based on your income (sliding scale). It might be worth investigating, seeing as how his time with you is fast approaching.

Just a thought...

[Pashta]

How cool, I was in college for psych too! Didn't complete it but I will someday.

Yes, he has counseling but it doesn't seem to help him. I am thinking he has what his father has, it has a 50/50 chance of being passed down to the child if one parent has it and one does not. He's too young for any doctor to know for sure, right now they are saying it's ADHD but I'd bet from his behavior it will turn out to be bipolar disorder when he gets older.

Sorry for unloading in your journal.. lol.

[Sojourner]

Sorry for unloading in your journal.. lol.

Not a problem ~ don't even worry about that.
Yeah, diagnosing bipolar disorder in kids is kind of tough 'cause it presents itself differently than it does in adults. And, yes, it's pretty common for it to be misdiagnosed as ADHD, a conduct disorder, or even just normal mood swings. But generally speaking, bipolar disorder involves more severe symptoms and has a greater impact on the child's daily life and functioning. And you're absolutely correct in saying that a family history of the disorder translates into a greater risk for the child having it.

I would really push for a mental health professional that specializes in child psychiatry...early intervention and effective treatment have been shown to make a real difference and may even prevent some of the more serious consequences that might occur. I would think that at 11-years-old and with a direct parental link, any MH professional would agree.

I know that it can't be easy, but don't give up on him. It sounds as though he has a lot on his plate, too. Like adolescence isn't difficult enough, huh?

Good luck, Pashta.

[SuzyQ66]

Sojo - now we all know who to come to with our problems. You give sound advice. Glad to hear your back is better - I have been dealing with severe back pain for almost two weeks. Seems like Biki started all this - you came next - and now it's my turn. How much longer do you have to go before you finish school? I just graduated with my bachelor's this past December. It was so nice to finally finish.

[Sojourner]

Congrats on your graduation, Suzy! That's way cool. I have a couple of more semesters to go...I extended it a bit in order to take some criminal justice courses. I'm very interested in pursuing something in Forensic Psychology, but I'm not sure how viable that is without getting a Ph.D. I am going for my Master's, though. What's your degree in?

Sorry to hear of your back problems. I can really commiserate with you there. Darn that Biki! She did start this round, but back pain is something with which I've been dealing for almost 10 years now. It totally bites, but there are worse things, right? Uh, huh..I try not to sweat the small stuff too much. Major pain can make that difficult sometimes, though - can't it? And I'm not negating your pain at all...I know what it's like to not be able to ambulate fully upright, I'm just saying that in the grand scheme of things...well, y'know . I'm glad to hear that you're on the mend!

[DonicaB]

WTG Suzy on finishing your bachelor's degree!!!!

Sojo, I have actually been thinking about going back to school to get my Specialist Degree in education. I'm not sure why.....I have no desire to be an administrator. I finished my Master's Degree in 2000. If I do get my Specialist Degree.......I might as well finish my PhD. I will probably wait until my boys finish college in......oh.......about 6 years. Of course, by then, the desire will probably have passed.

I cannot believe you are 45!! You really do look very young. I'm jealous!!!! I just turned 41, but I swear I look 50.

Donica

[Sojourner]

Funny, Doni ~ I was posting in your journal while you were posting in mine! Or should I say Dr. Doni?? Going back to school is always cool ~ it certainly can't hurt, right? When I first began, I was thinking that I would do an accelerated program for graduate school in order to finish sooner and to avoid burnout. Though school is sometimes a drain, it is also very stimulating and fascinating to me. I'm having a great time, and not even thinking of any other program.

Thanks for the looking young comment! And, puh-leeez! You do not look 50! You know what I think? I think that the oily skin that I used to bitch and moan about has warded off the wrinkles I might otherwise have at my age. Or the tequila has kept me well-preserved ~ either one!

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Salud, y'all!!

[BiggerInTexas]

I just wanted to drop by and say Hi! and thanks for all the advice and support you've sent my way! You have such a positive outlook and a great heart!

[Sojourner]

I just wanted to drop by and say Hi! and thanks for all the advice and support you've sent my way! You have such a positive outlook and a great heart!

Awww, thanks, that was sweet!
I do aim to please...uhmmm...wait a minute....
well, not really...but y'know!
All kidding aside, Stacey, I'm glad I could help!

[dede4wd]

Or the tequila has kept me well-preserved ~ either one!

ROTFLMAO!

I should have started sooner!

D

[SuzyQ66]

Sojo - funny that you want to take some classes in criminal justice - my major was Management in Criminal Justice. Talk about a coincidence. I also have my paralegal certificate.

My back has been shaky today - but I agree with you - in the whole grand scheme of things - there could be worse. I have been dealing with on and off back pain for almost 18 years - it started when I was pregnant with my 17 year old. It only goes out a couple of times per year- and I have been blessed that it hasn't gone out since this time last year. Oh well!! Thanks for your encouragement.

[Sojourner]

Hey DeDe ~ one of these days...that ol' Patron bottle in my freezer is gonna' be very empty!!

Hey Suzy ~ I hope your back continues to improve! Mine is less of an "on" and "off" situation than it is an "on" and "really on" one (discs). And to make matters worse, I have compensation issues in other areas of my body--mostly when it's "really on"--because I hold myself differently and it's awkward and tense for other areas that then become fatigued or cramped or start to spasm or completely spasm. I bet it's really fun to watch me walk when I'm like that! The other day my sciatica was pretty bad and my legs were all herky jerky...it was kinda' weird though, 'cause it really didn't hurt, exactly. My legs were just extremely heavy, to the point that it felt like I was walking underwater! Yeah, it's great fun!

I seriously believed that I was having a heart attack once when the muscles of my chest wall went into full spasm. I couldn't breathe and it hurt like hell, but it was sure sweet when it was over! I think about the horror of those excruciatingly long minutes sometimes and it makes me appreciate every deep, full breath I can take. You just took one too, didn't you! Well, be thankful that you can, girlie!

When I was having so much trouble a few weeks ago, my shoulder blades and neck muscles were just on fire! In the first few days back at school, we did this relaxation technique in one of my classes. Boy-oh-boy! It was exactly what I needed. I do a portion of it pretty much every day now and it has really helped. It's one of those tense and release type of exercises, along with deep abdominal breathing. I need to ask my professor what the name of the tape was 'cause there was also a visualization exercise that was very relaxing as well - lying on the beach, sand between my toes, margarita by my side...aaaaaaahhhhhh.

Hasta!