The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[dede4wd]

Hi everyone,

My Grammy's (the person I care about more than anyone else on this earth) had a stroke this weekend and is getting out of the hospital today. She (thankfully) didn't lose any motor functions or anything, and is not ready to not live on her own yet...so I'm looking. She was on the floor for nearly 24 hours before she was discovered. I'm SICK with worry!

I'm looking for someone that comes to her house and spends an hour or two a day with her. Someone to make sure she's taken her meds and has enough on hand, make sure she has food, etc. I don't think I need a full-fledged RN for this, or a live-in, we're just looking for a companion with a brain that can keep an eye while my relatives are at work, etc. I'm just so worried about her (or us) being taken advantage of.

I've looked into those things around the neck that they can push for help, but I don't believe she'll push it because she never thinks anything is THAT BAD and she doesn't want to "bother" anyone!

What are those called? Any suggestions? We're starting to have the talk with her about coming out here to AZ, so she can live in my house (everything she'd need is on one floor) and my Dad and I can keep an eye on her, but she's active in her church and doesn't want to leave her friends until they all die! We're working on it, but in the meantime, I need to DO SOMETHING to not be so worried!

Any ideas would be appreciated!

DeDe

[Sojourner]

Awww DeDe, I'm sorry to hear about your Grammy!
It's great, though, that she's doing so well!
I'm not sure where she lives, and different places offer different services, but here in Cali there's something called IHSS (In Home Supportive Services) that sounds as though it might fit your Grammy's needs. It depends on several different factors though...what kind of insurance she has...is she on Medi-Cal...those sorts of things. You may want to check with the county in which she resides. There are also home health care agencies that can provide all levels of care from non-certified assistants to R.N. care...just check the Yellow Pages. The discharge people at the hospital should be able to provide you with resources, or, at the very least, suggestions. If I were you, I'd start there...

Hopefully, someone with more experience in this type of thing will answer soon...just know that I'm thinking of you!

(((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))

[Sojourner]

Edit to above post:
Medi-Cal is for Cali, otherwise it would be Medicare...

[Tawanda]

Dede, that is a worry, thank heavens she is okay.

MedicAlert is one of the names of the devices to wear around the neck or like a wrist watch. If she had one on when she fell, I would guess that she would have pressed it after realizing that she wasn't able to get back up herself? It might be a great device for her to use if she is still pretty much able to live on her own.

I wonder if there is someone from her church that would be willing to check up on her daily, either with a phone call in the a.m. and once in the p.m. -- or actually going there in person. If someone could call her twice a day then if she fell it wouldn't be an entire day without someone knowing something was wrong.

I hope you find a solution that she, you and the rest of your family are comfortable with.

[dede4wd]

Thanks guys...she's in Cheyenne, WY

I am getting the medic alert soon and my Aunt is working on the links I've given her from the county.

I also think the church idea is a good one, but she's so adament about not "putting anyone out" that I think a stranger might be better for her, she's all about giving to the church, and wouldn't take anything in return.

She's got plenty of money, so it won't be a Medicare thing...we also aren't worried about the cost...what I am worried about is Grammy's laying on a floor!

Thanks, you guys are making me feel MUCH better!

D

[Sojourner]

Great idea, Tawanda...

DeDe ~ the main MedicAlert facility is about one mile away from my school, so if you need anything done directly, I would be more than happy to do whatever. They do have a website, though, and you can prolly handle everything online. The actual service is called Health Watch; here's their link:
www dot medicalert dot com forward slash HealthWatch

[Mike]

but here in Cali there's something called IHSS (In Home Supportive Services) that sounds as though it might fit your Grammy's needs.

My mom has worked for IHSS for many years. Great service there.

Medicalert is what you are thinking of Dede. That would be at least something she would have with her if ever anything happened.

Hope things go better soon.

[Serendipity]

Sorry about your grammy, dede, but so glad that she that the effects were not too serious.

I have a bit of experience in this area because I lived it with my mother in law. She had a stroke and ended up in a wheel chair, but had in her mind that she could walk. At first, she could stay alone for several hours with the Medic alert thingy. We were also concerned that she wouldn't press the button for fear of putting someone out. We hired a caretaker to be with her during the day and we moved in with her for evenings, night, and weekends.

I would not suggest either of these methods. The caretakers were not from an agency, so they weren't bonded. We had various problems I won't go into, except to say that if we had used an agency, we would have at least had somewhere to go with complaints rather than just firing one and hiring another. Living with my MIL was a challenge. There was alot of stress. I was the caretaker at night and all weekend. I worked during the week, took care of my husband and sons all the time. For a few years, that's all I did.

If I had it to do over, we would have hired an agency. At the time, we thought it would be better for her to have only 1 person for familiarity, but the problems far outweighed the benefits. Agencies can be very very expensive. In fact, they can be more expensive than nursing homes. $5,000 +/month for 24 hour care, but if the money is there, it is well worth it to assure the safety of a loved one.

[Lauren]

Hey, Dedes...I am sorry too, about your Grammy, but it's so sweet how much love and affection you have towards her and her wellness! All grandparents should be so lucky!

I know here in NY we have something called the Visiting Nurse Service of NY, where they send someone by, just like you mentioned, for short spurts. I wonder if they have something like that near you?

Also, my grandfather lives in an assisted living facility which isn't a nursing home and isn't independent living, it's right down the middle. So it's like a big condo building, with a dining room, planned and prepared meals 3x a day, with aides and assistants who are there to help if needed, or the residents who are ambulatory and "with it" can just take care of themselves. The great thing about this kind of place is that it's good for the still fully-functioning bunch, but as they begin to decline with age, they can be accomodated.

Just a thought.

Good luck, chica!

lauren

[bikipatra]

We hired a caretaker to be with her during the day and we moved in with her for evenings, night, and weekends.

I would not suggest either of these methods. The caretakers were not from an agency, so they weren't bonded. We had various problems I won't go into, except to say that if we had used an agency, we would have at least had somewhere to go with complaints rather than just firing one and hiring another. Living with my MIL was a challenge. There was alot of stress. I was the caretaker at night and all weekend. I worked during the week, took care of my husband and sons all the time. For a few years, that's all I did.

If I had it to do over, we would have hired an agency. At the time, we thought it would be better for her to have only 1 person for familiarity, but the problems far outweighed the benefits. Agencies can be very very expensive. In fact, they can be more expensive than nursing homes. $5,000 +/month for 24 hour care, but if the money is there, it is well worth it to assure the safety of a loved one.

Even hiring workers through an agency can be a roll of the dice. My father was in a persistant vegetative state for 8 years before he died. My mother cared for him at night and a LVN or RN cared for him during the day. Even very reputable agencies sent out individuals who wanted to watch Jerry Springer and raid the refrigerator more than care for my father. We had to go through a few agencies and several providers before we found someone who really seemed to care about his well-being. I acknowledge that caring for an individual in his state was very difficult-he ate through a tube and breathed through a tube and wore diapers. But still it is amazing the poor level of care we witnessed.

[Lauren]

Yeah, and this should go without saying and perhaps sounds really negative and paranoid, Dede, but along the lines of Biki's comment - remove all valuables from her home, especially money and jewelry. The instances of theft from the elderly are profoundly high.

Sorry for the negatives - when you find someone great to assist, hold on to them for dear life, pay them well and be kind to them, because the great ones are amazing!

Lauren

[Serendipity]

Oh yeah, and when your loved one is dependent on someone for a time, they can begin to lavish them with gifts.....my mil was slipping her caretaker money and the caretaker was accepting it......just one example. BTW, we were paying her plenty.

Ok, no more negatives, promise.

[dede4wd]

Thanks guys,
I'm definitely worried about that because Grammy has a lot of "things" in her house. I don't want her to feel like all her things are away from her to protect her from someone stealing them...but I certainly don't want her cleaned out!

I'd love to head her towards assisted living with her own "apartment", but she's just not there yet. I'm SO worried about finding the wrong person for the in-home stuff, but I have found several services online that are bonded and insured etc.

I'm currently just providing information, and e-support to my Aunts, but I still might fly out there.

Thanks so much you guys! You've given me several things to bring up that I hadn't thought of! You're so great!

D

[DogMa]

DeDe, I'm so sorry about your grandmother. We just had to find someone to help out my uncle, although thankfully he also has my aunt there (she just couldn't handle all the care herself, when he first got out of the hospital). We did what most folks suggested; we called a couple of different agencies, and we had people come to interview and also try out. They wanted someone to do some of the cooking, so we had them come and cook something for him to see if it was to his liking.

The main problem we ran into was people leaving soon after they started (or in one case BEFORE she started) - with little or no notice - because they wanted more work hours than we needed. So we had to go through several people until eventually we got someone he really likes (she's been there a few months now).

There are a few sites out there that can help you find someone, and help you know what to look for and what to ask about. Try eldercare dot gov, for starters. You might also look at caremanager dot org and consider hiring a professional care manager to coordinate any care she might need. We did a story on these services several years ago at my previous paper, and they sounded like a really good idea if you don't live near your relative.

[Elizabeth]

Dede, I didn't read through every post here but I don't think anyone mentioned this.....there is usually a patient advocate in the hospitals... called a social worker? They usually have many resources for in home help whether it is paid help or free help. Hope this helps. Good luck with Grammy. You are a wonderful granddaughter for looking after her.