The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Zinkette99]

I have a sort of interesting question but I want to handle it delicately because I would never in a million years want to offend anyone but its a topic that interests me.

What does everyone think about the "Fat Acceptance" movement? I have a very good friend of mine who is very heavy... She clocks in around 350. She has always been pretty heavy but she use to be about my weight and has gained 100 pounds over the past year.

When she found out I was trying MF she did everything she could to convince me it was a bad idea. First she told me I would never be able to do it because of the the lack of food we have.

Me: "Um... Well thats kind of the point. I have to eat less. I think that does with about any diet or lifestyle change regarding weight. Something has to be cut.

Her: "I don't think thats any way to live! There are so many studies that show that obesity is not linked to health! It's all about how fit you are and now what the scale says!"

I stared at her blankly.

Me: "How could anyone be fit at 250 pounds unless they're about 7 feet tall? Last time I checked I wasn't close to that."

Her: "Whatever. Some people are meant to be fat, Alison. And there's nothing wrong with that. I am beautiful and proud to be fat and you being on a diet is like telling me I am not acceptable."

I resisted telling her she wasn't acceptable. I know thats very cruel but I just don't think its acceptable to be that big. And I just thought she sounded like a moron and sadly, we have had to spend a lot less time speaking with another because it seems to do neither one of us good.

There are a lot of girls like her. They all seem to have blogs. And books. "Fat Chicks Rule!" It just seems like denial to me. Like they're hiding behing something.

Look. I have been fat most of my life. I have never once thought that my thunder thighs "rule" or that not being able to run a mile UNDER 15 MINUTES was something to be proud of. It just angers me to see people trying to convince impressionable women that settling for unsatisfactory health is good.

Thoughts?

(and a disclaimer: I know God (Or Allah, or Yahweh, whatever your religious preference) made us all different. And what is good for someone else is not good for another. But I think there is a huge canyon of difference between being 160 when you should maybe be 130 and being 350 pounds. So I don't want to offend anyone by this. I think God doesn't make junk but sometimes we tend to treat what He gave us like it IS junk and try to convince ourselves thats how He made us. I just don't buy it)

[bdg]

I think you are right. The only reason I got where I was is because I didn't know how to do what Take Shape For Life and Medifast do for us. I was skeptical to start with but I believe for sure now, 75lbs later. Fat acceptance is definitely a problem, in that the acceptance has increased everything from clothing sizes to portion sizes at restaurants, etc.

You almost start wondering if there is a limit now. I found my limit and did something about it, and I think others here are too.

You can't change someone's views, but you can plant the bug in their ear telling them how being overweight is bad for them and offer them the solution. From there it is their choice to get healthy.

[Serendipity]

There's no arguing with the fact that while I was fat, I was on three medications and my BP meds weren't working to control my blood pressure and I was headed for diabetes.

Yes, maybe you can get away with being fat for even years and years, but trust me......it catches up with you at some point. I for one, was healthy through my 30's. Little problems didn't pop up until my mid-40's.

I hate to say this, but I do believe it: I think that fat acceptance is a form of denial. How can anyone honestly say they would rather be fat than thin? I just doesn't make sense to me. The comfort factor alone is enough.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone, but zinky was asking for our opinions and of course this was just mho.

[LiLYipper]

Although I want to be accepted, fat or thin, I think the "fat acceptance movement" is not so much about acceptance at all...like Jo said, it's more about denial. IMHO

I don't think anyone should be discriminated against for their weight, or have to deal with insults. That's as far as the "fat acceptance movement" goes for me.

As far as the "studies" about it not affecting health...well, I disagree (as do most of you). Face it, when you're in Walmart...who is driving around their complimentary motorized chairs? It's rarely an elderly slender person or a pregnant mom...it's usually a morbidly obese individual...our bodies just weren't meant to carry so much extra weight. Our joints and bones just can't take the pressure. That's not even mentioning the diseases associated with obesity.

Zinkette, your friend said that by you going on a diet, you're saying she's unacceptable. I would reply, if you're fine with your weight, why does it matter what I think? Perhaps it would make her think a little and perhaps follow in your couragous footsteps

[Lauren]

Wow, Zinkette, I love that you posted this!

Let me first say that I think regardless of our size, shape, job, intellect, social status, etc., we all should all be confident, self-loving individuals, who can accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths.

With that being said, I don't believe acceptance means that we must tolerate our weaknesses, it means that I am going to love myself and be confident regardless of my size. And THEN, that self-love and confidence should propel us into making smarter, healthier choices for ourselves, which means losing weight. "Fat Acceptance" in theory, started as something that I believe was intended to be good and instill self-confidence in a whole population who generally has none. But it should never be used as a tool to stay fat, stay unwell, and stay in a station in life that is in no way good.

A quick anecdote: there is a lovely woman here in NYC who runs fitness/aerobics classes for plus-size women. Years ago I joined, and she and the classes were wonderful. They kept me active and I didn't feel intimidated to be in there, because everyone was fat. I wanted to exercise to LOSE WEIGHT, as I imagine most of the ladies in there wanted, but no one would admit it (except me, I'm a loud-mouth!). They were so obsessed with this fat acceptance thing that they just kept saying they only wanted to be fat and fit. Who in the world wants that? As Jo said, who would CHOOSE fat over thin? Obviously being fat works for us in certain ways - it makes us invisible (the ultimate irony, considering we take up so much space!), it "protects" us from intimacy or sexual encounters, and it essentially enables us to check out from the life we're meant to lead. But we can all find better coping mechanisms, other ways to deal with life! Anyway, they kept having all these events together, meetings, games, whatever, but they pigged out at them and they talked about how loud and proud they are at being fat and fit. I could not jump aboard that bandwagon, and I eventually sent a letter to the woman who runs the company (because she's wonderful and has all good intentions) and told her that I can't be part of the fat brigade.

It's a club in which I don't want to be a member!

We are all dealt a deck of cards when we come into this world, some have physical disabilities, some have learning disabilities, some have chronic conditions. We would never tell an asthmatic not to use an inhaler, they should learn to love their breathing problems...so why on earth would we tell someone who is struggling to walk down the street to accept that fate? We should fight it every step of the way.

Lauren

[lilgorg]

Where do I start?!?! First thing is first, MF is not for everyone. And if she were a true friend then she would recognize that you would like to lose weight (no matter what the reason) and she should support you, even if she doesn’t agree with you. That is what TRUE friends do.

Her: "I don't think thats any way to live! There are so many studies that show that obesity is not linked to health! It's all about how fit you are and now what the scale says!"

The one thing about studies is that they can always take samples that prove one point or another. Hey, studies show that Cingular has the least dropped calls in the Bay Area (or so the commercial says) but I have many friends the experience hella dropped calls. And for every study that she has seen that says that obesity is not linked to health, there are thousands that say otherwise.

Me: "How could anyone be fit at 250 pounds unless they're about 7 feet tall? Last time I checked I wasn't close to that."

You don’t have to be thin to be healthy. I do agree with her on that point. But you do have to be healthy, not just fat. And just cuz you’re cute, that don’t cut it either. Here is why I believe say that…when I was 220 lbs, I used to teach step aerobics, run avidly at the lake, didn’t have high blood pressure, or high cholesterol, or diabetes or any of the other issues that are linked to obesity. Per the charts, I was obese (cuz I think I’m supposed to be like 130 lbs or something like that!) but per my physician, I was fit. I was cool with that. But things got out of hand and then I ballooned up to 304.5 lbs (yes, see my pics in the Studio) and I still didn’t have the blood pressure, diabetes issues but I knew they were on the horizon. There was just too much I still got the “you have such a pretty face” comments but that just wasn’t enough for me. I have even been told by some ppl that I don’t need to lose any weight, that I carry it just fine. But you know what? I’m doing this for me and me alone (well, and the future of my unborn children). My goal is to get to size 12 no matter what others think.

If my goal were to be a size 2, then that is my goal and it is no one’s business. If for some reason people are ok being a certain size, then more power to them. But don’t try to push your judgment on your friends.

Her: " I am beautiful and proud to be fat and you being on a diet is like telling me I am not acceptable."

I can’t even say what I really think about that comment. So she judges herself based on what you do? So if you wear designer clothes, does that say that her off brands are unacceptable? If you color your hair blonde, are her brunette locks unacceptable? I’m sorry, did u say she was your friend or your clone? Gotta get a grip here…

I’m sure I sound like a loud mouth here but I’m just expressing my own opinion. If you’re fat and ok with it so be it, but if someone else has the courage to make a change, either support them or shut it up. Stop being like crabs in a pot…

So to you Miss Zinkette, I say keep on pushin on. You probably do look fabulous (I don’t recall that I’ve seen a pic) and now do what you gotta do to FEEL ultimately fabulous. Only you will know when you are there and until then, you got your MF family behind you! Have a beautiful day…

[Mike]

I am in complete agreement with you. I have been overweight all of my life... literally. I was a 75 lb 1st grader. By the time I graduated from high school I was almost 350 lb. By the time I decided it was enough I was 460 lbs.
Its one thing to say to yourself that this is just how you are, but deep inside I felt more like there was nothing that I was 100% willing to do to change it. Sure I wanted to weigh less, why else would I try all of those diets (and fail).
I finally decided that the only way was to have a really good reason, and I had that... a loving wife that I wanted to spend many more years with than I would if I stayed the way I was.
In 2003 I had gastric bypass surgery. I lost 160 lbs in the next year, became much more healthy, but then started putting some weight back on.
I was put back on some medications. Now, with the medifast plan I am below the weight I was at my lowest after surgery and I feel so much better, and have tons more energy than I have in years.

So, do I think that being 460 lbs was the way God meant me to be? Absolutely not. IMHO, God is not someone who loves us and doesn't want us to live like that, but rather it is our own choices (we have free will), and the fact that we do have a disease (obesity) that we struggle with.
I am thankful that I have such a supportive family and group of friends (and loving wife) that have stood by me during my struggle to become healthier. I know that I am not supposed to weigh 460 lbs. I even know that I am not meant to be 300 lbs. So I continue to do what I believe HE wants, and that is to strive to be more like Him. So I want to be even healthier.

I have experienced in my own struggle people who question my decisions. I even had a friends father (who weighed more than me) question my choice. I say stick to your guns, and when you are a much healthier person, perhaps your friend will see how you did it and decide it may be best for her.

Good luck

[supermom]

This is a great thread. I am so sorry that your friend and you have had "issues" over this, though. I could post a long narrative about health and why thin is better and why fat acceptance is not good. But I won't. I agree with Lauren, that we should all be proud and confident and love ourselves no matter what size we are. Maybe if you could just tell your friend that you do accept her, and that your weight loss isn't about HER, it is about YOU. Let her know that you are so happy for her that she feels good, fit and confident at her size. Tell her that you, however, are not comfortable in your own skin. Just tell her that just as she knows of studies that say obesity has no effect on health, you know of studies that prove the exact opposite. Sometimes you have to just agree to disagree. Then, one of these days when she notices how much better you feel, that you can breathe easily, that you are not all sweatty all the time, that you can go anywhere you want because you have the energy and you fit the seats and the turnstyle, you will have the opportunity to share with her. Help her through her weightloss journey. Introduce her to the forum and be her mentor. Whatever you do, just don't lose a good friend over this.

<img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_2_205.gif" alt="Soapbox" border="0">

[Aerie]

I have no opinion on fat acceptance but I have a strong opinion about your friend. SHE SHOULD SUPPORT YOU. If she has a right to be overweight; then you have a right to lose weight. If she's upset or offended by your MF efforts tell her to take a hike! (maybe she'll lose some weight )

[Ketann]

If you can walk around weighing 350 pounds without diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, or whatever, more power to you. However, I have Diabetes, high blood pressure, and I was a ticking time bomb. The last thing I need is a stroke, heart attack, and several other things diabetic related. I have a wonderful, caring hubby who wants me around for a long time, plus I want to die like my Grandma Gladys did - 96 in her rocking chair .

Hugs,
Keturah

[dede4wd]

I was going to respond to this one...

But between what Jo, Lauren, Vicky and others said, I just say Ditto!

DeDe

[alohacate]

Well here is my two cents, for what it is worth. I never had a weight problem until the last two years when I gained almost 100lbs. I had full acceptance of myself as a person internally, however, externally & health wise I was in denial - a false sense of acceptance if you will. As my clothing "shrunk" I blamed the dryer for shrinking my clothing. As my lungs couldn't handle a short walk, I blamed the moisture in the air. I think acceptance is fine as long as it is coupled with a touch of reality. I think it is healthy (dare I say "normal")to disagree with your friend. I hope that after all is said and done, she ends up supporting you and your decision(s)!

[BoPeep1]

This is one of those topics I feel strongly about.

I think a big part of the "fact acceptance" movement is not that fat is unhealthy - we all know that - but that we are all people, doing our own thing. It's not fair to automatically assume that because someone is overweight that they are lazy and slobs. Unfortunately, this is the view of a lot of thin people. I believe that's what people are trying to change.

At my thinnest, I was also still considered obese. I was doing kickboxing and yoga every day. I could have probably run circles around most of the people I saw every day, but to them I was still fat and lazy.

[Zinkette99]

Sorry it took me so long to respond. I am really pleased with this feedback. Y'all are such a smart group of people and I completely agree with just about everything said. (Some of you said it better then I ever could)

I feel for my friend. But I can't let that deter me from becoming a person I truly think I was destined to be. I have wasted so many years of time wallowing in my settlement and low expectations for myself because of my weight. Honestly, if my weight had been put under control in high school my life would be 300 percent different then it is today. Not because I would have had "the perfect life." I don't equate the perfect body with the perfect life. I know losing this weight will not automatically make my life perfect. But I have lost a lot of opportunities because of my weight. I never had quality connections with the opposite sex because of my insecurities, I was never willing to take adventures or risks because I didn't want to be noticed, I stayed quiet when I wanted to be loud. It's been an excruciating life to live. Being thin is about being healthy physically AND mentally for me.

It upsets me to see people in the same dire straights as some of us who not only give up on weight loss (or never try it.) but who try to convince their peers and anyone that will listen that fat IS ok and it IS healthy. Because it's not. Let me rephrase: It's not ok to continue actions that are proven to be harmful and teach others to accept those actions and do the same. And I don't understand that. There is a difference between being happy at a weight, being healthy (even if by medical standards its less then ideal) and simply sitting on a couch and eating and eating and medicating and medicating and proclaiming that is your purpose in life and the cards you were dealt. Most people are not genetically geared to be fat. I just find it frustrating when people give out false information to justify an unhealthy lifestyle. I BOUGHT INTO THAT. For so long I just figured I should resign to the fact I will always be fat. I tried to convince myself of this truth.

This forum flips that "truth" completely on its head and smashes it. The people on here that have lost the weight and told their stories are the amazing Truths. The truth is that its not about fat acceptance. Its about accepting the best you. I think it was lilgorg that mentioned (who I am such a huge fan of which she probably doesn't know but I think she is completely adorable) that she was happy at 220 pounds because she led an active lifestyle. Which is fantastic. I think she is adorable at the weight she is now. But she also mentioned when she DID gain the weight she didn't accept it. She did (and is DOING) something about it. My friend was happy at 200. Then 250. Now 350. When does it stop?

Although her support (and participation) would be great I have learned I have to support and be my own cheerleader. And of course come to this forum

[Diana]

First, forgive me if my responses are repeats. I read your original post, Zink, and nothing else here. Jumping in, nonetheless.

The fat acceptance movement -- yeah, I bought that lie, too. For a long, long time! Some of my family members have been on me about my weight since I was 7 or 8 years old (I'm completely serious, here!). The only time I was thin was when I literally starved myself (about 500 calories a day--hey, I was 17 and I don't think you were even born yet). When I finally started eating again, I put on 60 lbs in less than a year. I still have the stretch marks. At that point, I poured all my energy into accepting who I am, weight and all, not realizing that what I thought was self-esteem was really defensiveness. It was an in-your-face defiance based on hurt, let down, disappointment and failure after failure after failure. And, to be honest, until I was over 275 and older than 39ish, I still considered myself a strong, healthy person. (Actually, my labs said so -- but, really, what they said wasn't that I was healthy, but just that I wasn't sick...yet.)

There are so many studies that show that obesity is not linked to health! It's all about how fit you are and now what the scale says!"

This really only applies to extremely fit, muscular athletes. They're the only ones for whom the BMI chart just doesn't really apply. Ask to see the research to which your friend refers. There's PLENTY of research that links obesity with health: diabetes, heart diseases, arthritis, sleep apnea, cancer, respitory diseases, infertility... Dr. Andersen has a book coming out, "It's Not Your Fault," that goes over some of the research. According to what Dr. A has found out, obesity is quickly replacing smoking as the #1 cause of preventable deaths in our country.

Regarding her comment that she doesn't think it's any kind of way to live -- this is an opinion. She has no first hand experience. It's only her impression, not based on having done it! I was worried, too. How could I POSSIBLY be satisfied on less than a 1000c a day weighing over 300 lbs?? And then there were some of my friends saying it was unhealthy to lose weight "so quickly." Mostly, as I confided in my sister just after I ordered my first package, I was afraid this one wouldn't work, either. It sometimes surprises me that only a few short months ago, I was so overcome with hopelessness; I had accepted the "reality" that my life would be a long, painful decline into disability and finally death. THAT is no way to live!!! Thanks to Take Shape for Life and Medigrub, I am living like I haven't ever before!!! Yes, I'm healthier and thinner, but my outlook and self-confidence are undergoing incredible make-overs!

I know God (Or Allah, or Yahweh, whatever your religious preference) made us all different. And what is good for someone else is not good for another. But I think there is a huge canyon of difference between being 160 when you should maybe be 130 and being 350 pounds. So I don't want to offend anyone by this. I think God doesn't make junk but sometimes we tend to treat what He gave us like it IS junk and try to convince ourselves thats how He made us. I just don't buy it)

There are MANY passages in the Bible that speak to caring for our bodies! PM me if you're interested in references.

It's unfortunate, Zinkette, but you're right. Sometimes when we change, so do some of our relationships. Hopefully, your friend will see the light before it's too late.