Diet Humor - Pizza Hut, err...uh, Pizza Glut

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Diet Humor - Pizza Hut, err...uh, Pizza Glut

Postby Nancy » April 20th, 2005, 12:17 pm

Hi, Kids!

Just got this from Gerald, AKA Spidey and it's a real hoot. :lol: I thought you might enjoy it, too.

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Glut. May I have your National ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, uhh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Smith. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. Email address is <snip>no urls or emails - Mr. Snippy</snip>.

Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol.
Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?! What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.

Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids.
Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.
Your credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@#!!!

Operator: Sir, I'd advise watching your language. You've already got a July 4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge.
Oh yes, I see here that you just got out from a 90-day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.

Thank you for calling Pizza Glut.
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels...
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Postby DiamondintheRough » April 20th, 2005, 12:39 pm

Hey Nancy and Spidey, this is a hoot (and maybe not as far out as we think). I gripe all the time about what a lack of privacy we have now because of computers and terrorism. My husband and I received a form from our post office a few weeks ago that states we must come in and show two forms of ID each (and they specify exactly what is acceptable) if we wish to continue receiving mail at our post office box. We have had that box for about ten years and we never had to do that before.

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Postby Nancy » April 20th, 2005, 12:45 pm

Huh? :shock:

To continue to receive your very own mail in the mailbox you pay for every month? Sheesh! :x
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Postby bikipatra » April 20th, 2005, 2:07 pm

Things are crazy these days! I live in DC and when the terror alert level goes up I have to show ID and sign in with the security guard in the lobby to see my dentist! I live on Capitol Hill and on certain days at certain intersections on the Hill, police will stop your personal car,cab or BUS (yes the bus!!), shine a flashlight in, and tell you to drive on! It is ridiculous! I mean, if I had a bomb I wouldn't have it in clear view!
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Postby 1Angel » March 31st, 2006, 1:06 pm

When it comes to safety against terrorism attacks I don't think it is "ridiculous" to check IDs. If I lived in DC, I certainly would appreciate the police double checking everybody's IDs and stopping any kind of car (specially the big ones, like trucks and buses) when the terror alert level goes up. It's for our own sefety, you know! We lost way too many lives on the 9/11 incident and we should do everything to prevent something like that from happening again. I really don't mind the extra security our country is taking to protect us. I even appreciate when they ask to see my picture ID in some stores when I use my Credit Card. I always thank them for checking! You never know ... I have friends who had their identity stolen ... Anyways, hope you guys are having a great day!!!
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