The more things change the smaller I get

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The more things change the smaller I get

Postby Carrie » June 2nd, 2004, 1:05 pm

I’ve been thinking A LOT these last couple weeks (Big surprise huh Mike???). I had a big tough patch (I think I was off the program for a total of 5 days, during which I gained 8 pounds). I got back on the MF horse, rebounded back down, and last week I kept going and finally hit my first goal AND the 40 pound marker, just in time for the end of my 3rd month on Medifast. WAHOO!! This afternoon I was leaving the house and noticed that I kinda flipped myself around the porch railing and was practically strutting down the sidewalk. It got me thinking.

Obesity and being overweight is like being beaten down every second of your life. We are inundated with messages of ‘thin is good, fat is bad and disgusting’. It’s there on TV, in books, in magazines, on the radio, from the lips of our friends and from the lips of strangers, and most importantly from inside our own heads. I have been my own worst enemy, I have beaten myself with relentless negative talk. How can we not feel bad about it? If we were children……..receiving these kinds of messages about our intelligence or athletic ability I GUARANTEE you we would fail the test or strike out every time. We’ve been programmed, from within and without, to think we’re weak and powerless and ‘bad’….. and that being overweight makes us second-class citizens ……… you know, we’re the ones that people forget to invite to the party.

As I walked back to work this afternoon, I realized that I had my head up, my shoulders back and I was jauntily strolling down the sidewalk, and it felt SO GOOD, to feel good about myself, and for just a moment I thought to myself ‘I really can do this’. I used to walk with my eyes downcast, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, hoping they didn’t notice how fat I am.

No doubt, this is a roller coaster ride. The good days are great and bad days really suck. But that’s because this is something VERY HARD to accomplish. This isn’t only about food. This is about learning to find another way to deal with life, and letting go of doing it with food, all the while rethinking what we think of ourselves. That’s what I think the roller coaster is. We go along fine for awhile and then we hit trouble. The trouble could be boredom with the diet, loneliness, stress, traveling, relationship difficulties, career problems, happiness, PMS, it could be ANYTHING THAT TRIGGERS OUR OLD NEED TO EAT. And when it happens, BLAMO! Here we are again circling the McD’s parking lot trying to talk ourselves simultaneously into eating and not eating. You know what I mean - part of you really wants to eat, and part of you really doesn’t want to. It’s these times, these moments of choice, when we are attempting to learn to live without food as a crutch. For most of us, more often than not now, we make the right choice.

It is critical that we take the moments of success and turn them into a positive attitude about our outlook, and what we think of ourselves. I believe that if I keep buying into the negativism of being overweight ………. I will not succeed. I have to let go of the negative self-talk, stop beating myself up, and start building myself up. All that negative stuff – years of saying to myself ‘You can’t lose weight, you never succeed and never will, it’s impossible, it doesn’t matter anyway, you’re elephantine’ – it all eroded my spirit. And how can someone, in the face of that obstacle, find a way to overcome it?

I believe the key for me is a combination of facing the tough days - consciously deciding to deal with my life WITHOUT abusing food, AND replacing the old negative thoughts with positive ones.

I think somehow going into this I thought that I’d just ‘decide’ to do this and that would be that. I thought it would it be easier than this. Now I realize that the level of struggle I go through is directly proportional to the degree of my dependency on food. A big problem, in this case, doesn’t have an ‘instant’ solution. But that just means I have to keep working it – pushing and pulling my old self in the direction my new self wants to go. And though it seems endless, there is relief in sight. One of the reasons my five day detour didn’t turn into ‘oh heck I give up’ is that I am not willing to go back where I was before, not willing to add those 40 pounds back on again. I can tell you for sure that I will be more than happy, once I get to my goal, to monitor myself and stay there.

Keep working it. We have big issues to deal with. They’re gonna come up. But every day that we successfully navigate is another major success. And eventually they add up to a new way of life. Life with smaller clothes and a positive attitude.

Now: 2/5/07: 233.6/220.0/145
1st time: 3/1/04, from 266.5 to 195.4
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Postby Alison » June 2nd, 2004, 1:55 pm

You sound great. So happy and motivated!! Thanks for posting we all need a pep talk now and again.
40 lbs is fantastic!!
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Postby Nancy » June 2nd, 2004, 11:13 pm

Carrie - oh, yeah! You're gettin' it!

There's a great book: What to Say When You Talk to Shad Helmstetter. I listened to my self talk and it was crappy. Now my self talk is happy. No me stinkin' thinkin'. Ever.

Clean out the cupboards in the kitchen and the cupboards of your mind.

Have a gladsome day - You ARE WORTH it!
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels...
The Formerly FLABulous and Now very Fabulous
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Postby jewels » June 4th, 2004, 6:13 am

Hey Carrie,

I'm a newbie, but you speak the truth. What an eye opener, "The level of struggle I go through is directly proportional to the degree of my dependency on food."

Carrie, this has really inspired me to look at my craving and eating behavior from a different point of view. Thank you so much for sharing :-P

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Postby turtle53 » June 4th, 2004, 5:32 pm

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Postby tcwells82 » July 7th, 2004, 12:48 am

I can't believe how true that is, I have programed myself that I am fat, I will always be fat, it is amazing how much negative thinking impacts how we act, what we do, and especially what we eat...I mean I am already fat will that 3rd slice of cheesecake really make a difference? Now that I am actively trying to think and be more positive I find that I have a lot more control over my actions :grin: I feel that there is nothing I can't do, If I want to lose I'll lose it, if I want it bad enough I will find away (plus it helps to know I now have LOTS of people who will make me pay is I give up, or decide to throw a self pity party :3head: , that will keep me motivated) I am soooo glad I found this's good to know that I am normal...well for the most part...Keep up the good work guys!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trying to live forever one day at a time

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