The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Carrie]

Well, today I am thinking about resistance. There have been several posts lately (not to mention the thoughts in my own dang head) that address the fact that after initial success we find ourselves going off program. What is this??? We’re losing weight, it’s working and we mess with it. From weekend sneaks to late night nibblers, we all have to deal with this. What is this resistance to healthful, desired change???? What is this crazy compulsion to sabotage our success?

I have to tell everybody that the last time I stuck with a ‘diet plan’ for 15 days was the first time I tried Meridia, and that was GREAT. I forgot what food was and why I’d ever wanted it -for about 2 ½ months. Then it ‘wore off’ and I started eating again. I lost about 30 pounds that time and of course have gained it all back. I tried it again a couple times after that and it just didn’t work. I managed to lose about 20 pounds a couple other times, and then ran out of steam and gained it all back. All that failure made me feel hopeless when it comes to my eating and my weight. I’d try, every day, to make better choices and then find myself gorging on food by the evening. Some of it was physical hunger ….. I always skipped breakfast …… but most of it is in my head. This isn’t really real for me yet, and I don’t think it will be until I get past that old 20-30 pounds of 'been there done that' weight loss.

I notice sneaky thoughts making their way into my consciousness. Thoughts of failure and self-defeat. Things like “Oh sure you’ve made it a few days, but look how far you still have to go, don’t tell me you’re gonna stick with this for another 6 months, it’ll NEVER HAPPEN.” Or “you haven’t been thin in years and years, and you’ve tried over and over, you know you can’t lose weight, why are you bothering with this?” Or just simple food urgings “Bet a cheeseburger, fries and REAL chocolate shake would be good about now. You’ve been so good for so many days, don’t you DESERVE a treat???” Or my personal favorite was yesterday morning …… yesterday I got worried about having extra skin drooping if I get to my goal weight. I caught myself thinking that if that was going to happen, I’d rather just eat the way I want and be fat. HELLO??? McFLY??? Would I rather weigh 250 pounds and wear size 26 jeans or would I rather wear size 10-12 and tuck a fold or 2 into my jeans?????? Hmmm, let me think about that one for awhile …… NOT! And the really stupid thing is that THIS MAY NOT EVEN HAPPEN. I may reach goal weight and not have a problem with my skin. But that was yesterday’s attempt to derail myself.

I try and shut those thoughts out, but it’s really made me wonder lately where they come from, why they’re here, and why they won’t go away. Why an intelligent person would be having this inner dialogue that at times feels like multiple personality disorder.

I guess those thoughts are the voice of my past (I hope anyway), trying to stay in my present. They don’t want to die. Years and years of habit just won’t disappear after 15 days. Let’s face it …… bingeing has worked for me on some level all these years or I wouldn’t have been doing it. It provided insulation from stress, comfort, and an excuse for why I haven’t done all the things with my life I wanted to do. I can tell you that there were times in my life when I really believed FOOD WAS ALL I HAD. And here I am, out of the blue, trying to change it. I’m trying to change it because the end doesn’t justify the means. The payoff I get from food is a small and false one. It’s time to realize that and challenge my knee jerk impulse towards food. Besides I can either be busy thinking about how to stay on the plan, or else be busy thinking about how miserable I am because I'm fat and not doing anything about it.

I understand that resistance to change is one of the most basic issues of psychology. What I cannot quite get a grip on, is that my resistance - the forces inside myself trying to get me to go back to the status quo ------this is a part of MYSELF working AGAINST me being healthy and happy.

Doesn’t it seem counterproductive and alarming that part of a person would lobby for destructive behavior????

(and yes I realize that my years of obesity and overeating are the quintessential definition of destructive behavior). Habit or not, my lifestyle has put me in the final contenders seat for heart disease, diabetes, and a score of other health issues. And I can’t think of any way to change the bad habit, except through daily effort. I wish there was a quick fix, but I sure haven’t found it.

Sometimes the necessity of taking this one day at a time is wearing on my spirit. I wake up and tell myself that today I am going to follow the plan, no complaints, no wishy-washiness, no excuses. And then life happens. Something stresses me, I get upset, whatever, or just no reason at all. And I catch myself thinking about ‘cheating’, I catch myself thinking about just ditching the plan. So far I’ve been able to reel myself back in, but of course it worries me to have such moments of weakness only a few days into the plan.

So after a morning of feeling sorry for myself and wondering how I was ever gonna get through another 6 months of this, I realized that the alternative simply isn’t acceptable to me anymore. Food isn't going to change ANYTHING I'm dealing with.

I don’t deserve a trip through the drive-through, I deserve freedom from obesity and bingeing.

Years and years of habit won’t go away after 15 days, but they’ll be quieter after a couple months I bet, and quieter still after 6 months. There is no such thing as inertia, and at the end of every day I can feel good about the progress I made (albeit inches instead of yards) or I can feel lousy because I let my own impulses defeat me.

I guess it boils down to this ……..
Am I going to move forward today or backward? The decision is mine, and I want to get to the end of the day and feel good about the choices I made.

Preaching to the choir,
Carrie

[Jeanette]

Wow...great post. Unca Tim needs to sticky this one!

Carrie, I have been trying to figure out from the beginning why I have the desire to sabotage my results, especially right after I reach a milestone. Maybe it's because the "pressure" is off momentarily, and I feel the need to reward myself with food.

These are ooooooollllllldddd habits we have....and they die HARD.

[explorthis]

WOW, what a great post from a table top dancer.

And I can’t think of any way to change the bad habit, except through daily effort. I wish there was a quick fix, but I sure haven’t found it.

Interestingly enough, how many times have you said: I am starting a diet Monday? By Monday at noon, you’re in the drive thru (again) and your diet is over. I have done this more times than McDonalds has produced a 99 cent double cheeseburger. I can tell you this, time is in the eye of the beholder. Though it took me a little longer than 3 short-months to lose 100 pounds, this time flew by. It does not seem like it will, but as the weight came off, and I realized Medifast was working - actually working with so little effort, the time was not an issue.

There is a "quik-fix" Medifast is it. 3-4-5 months might not seem like a quik-fix in the overall weight battle, but look back, 6 months ago, before you ever thought about Medifast. How many diets had you started on and failed? 6 months has passed, had you stuck to some diet or another, you would have been done, (probably) or at least lost some substantial weight.

Bottom line, again and again I say this, because I have been there - this is a short time, stick to it, it will pass. YOU will look back as I do every minute of every day and say "WOW" cause it is a quik-fix.

quintessential definition of destructive behavior

Be right back, I have to go look this one up... L-M-N-O-P-Q there it is "Q"

-Mike

[shineface]

Carrie ---

Just got done postin' on one of the threads about how doubtful and vulnerable and scared I happen to be feeling today.

You have covered all of these feelings and fears eloquently. I don't have the energy to post all I am feeling right now but I did have the energy to read every word you had to say -- you too Mike...

Anyway, a day like today, which I haven't had in weeks, makes me know all the more that if I don't change the way I think and cope and act and live - I will go back to my old habits .... NOT AN OPTION!!!!

THANK YOU ALL FOR SHARING!!!

WE WILL do this together!!!

[auntjanot]

Carrie,

Yesterday I had a really, really, dark day. Hating myself, sabatoging myself. Actuallly went out with the guys at work for a big Italian lunch. Punishment? Something to cheer me up? This morning I was all set to put aside the darkness and get back on the horse. It's my turn to do the coffee and morning snacks for the clients. I was getting ready to help myself to a danish (some resolve huh?) and I decided to sit down and read the posts. Your's made me cry. Thank you. So eloquent and precise. Did you read my mind? This has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I know medifast works. I'm sure when I reach my goal, (I have 140# to lose) I will keep it off. I am pretty sure this will make me a happier, healthier person. Yet I can't seem to get it through my thick skull that food is not . It does'nt even make me happy when I eat it. I don't enjoy sneaking and gaining back. It makes me feel like a failure. Why do I do it? I think maybe I've become to comfortable being a failure. It's a lot easier. You make me feel like I can do this, that succeeding just might break the cycle. Thanks for such insightful posts.
Janet

[Starloser63]

Carrie,

This is not the first post of yours that has said exactly what I was thinking. Do you perhaps write for a living. or maybe give speeches? You are excellant at putting things into words. I have been asking myself these same questions from the get go!

I am all for breaking the cycle and today is going to be my day, one shake at a time. I will find some other way to reward myself. Food is constantly talking to me, I want it to go away and not have so much control over my life. I want to enjoy my life and my family, and being this fat only has me making excuses to the ones I love.

I am glad you joined this board and are so great at expressing my feelings .

Big Hugs,
Susan

[Landylue]

The moment you CHOSE to log onto this support group instead of scarfing down that danish you won a significant battle. Each time you win a battle, auntjanot, and there will be many of them, you will be that much closer to winning the war.

The next time you see the storm clouds of a battle forming, connect with this support group again, or grab a spiral notebook and let all that anger, negativity, and frustration flow out of you onto the paper, not back-up like a sewer and flow inside carrying with it those all those danish.

There's a military expression that goes well here: "I've got your back."

This support group 'has got your back', auntjanot. And you have ours. When one of us falters, it affects the rest of us. I encourage you to BE STRONG, if not for yourself, then for the group.

Failure is not an option.

Landylue

[Carrie]

To Pam : This is not about perfection, it is about progress. Yesterday you felt crummy, but these things pass. And they will pass with or without food. Fighting the negativity is the only way to begin to change it.
You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now!

To Janet: This is not about perfection, it is about progress. Yesterday you went off your plan, but today you made a better decision. This is going to happen. Newsflash: you aren't perfect. But every time you recover from a slip by going right back to the plan, you are reestablishing your intention and commitment. The bad times will pass with or without food. Fighting the negativity is the only way to begin to change it.
You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now!

Hmmm, I'm repeating myself .......

Jeanette: You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now!
Susan: You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now!
Landylue: You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now!

oh yeah ...... Carrie: You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now!

and let's not forget........ Mike ... You CAN do this. You ARE doing it, don't stop now! Oh wait, you already did it, never mind, MY HERO!

No Pam, I'm not a writer, although I will confess that I was urged to be one throughout high school and college. Who knows, maybe I'll make it my post-mid-life-crisis career change and write the great American novel.

Let's move forward today gang,
Carrie

[Landylue]

At the risk of being repetitive by copying a statement from another thread. . .

If I were to miraculously be given an opportunity to return to any time in my past 55-year life, I would not hesitate to immediately choose the 5-year period after my first fast. It was the very first time my kids had a mother that could go along with the church youth group and play volleyball, climb to the top of a baseball stadium without stopping several times to catch my breath, backpack on a 7-day journey into the back country of Yosemite, climb mountains, fit into the rollercoaster at Six Flags, parasail behind a speed boat at South Padre Island, lay on the beach in a bathing suit instead of big shorts and a T-Shirt, fit into a kayak, go on 20-mile bike excursions, participate in 5Ks and fun runs--I WAS ALIVE AND LOVING EVERY DAY I WOKE UP!!!

Being overweight is a PRISON, guys! A living, breathing prison of fat that we carry around on our backs every day of our lives we CHOOSE to stay overweight. Does it make us ‘bad people’? No! Does it make us less deserving of love and respect? Of course not! But it DOES hinder us from living our lives to the fullest.

Give up? Chalk up yet another failure? To what end? What benefit?
I WANT TO LIVE AGAIN! I’m DYING under all of this weight--physically, emotionally, and yes, if possible, even spiritually.

Don’t let go of each other’s hands, guys. When one of us falls, we all are affected. We WILL succeed, if we don’t falter in our attempt.

FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!!!

Landylue

[TamiL]

Great posts guys....JEeeeezz.. I think we should all start a MEDIFAST book!! take all the great posts and publish them!! lol!! we could All be authors!! your posts are so inspiring and always lift me up when I need it!!

I remember that military expression...and its so true. We all have each others backs!! there is also a firefighter expression "you go...we go" when you go to that dark place...know that we are all there with you..helping you re-surface..we are all in this together...to help each other get to our goals...one day at a time. If someone is hurting or hopeless...there is hope here, if someone is doubtful or discouraged...there is reassurance and courage here....

this forum is....priceless!!
Tami

[Landylue]

Yesssssssss!!! "You go--we go." EXCELLENT--ABSOLUTELY EXCELLENT!

Tamil, YOU are priceless. Your posts have pulled me back from the edge several times, as have Jennette's, shineface's, Carrie's, Mike's and others. I'm thinking we have no idea how much our words encourage countless others, as well.

I'm proud to be a part of this group.

Landylue

[elle4nelly]

yeah....I was having a Carie and Pam day ..the last 2 days...ate a muffin ..blueberry....and the worst part is that I didn't even care! didn't even feel guilty! I was too pissed off at having to change my medifast plan...I ate it for breakfast with a cappucino and went back right on medifast for the rest of the day...At least you were able to think Carie and stop...I didn't even think at all...And I don't understand why I didn't care! The whole thing felt like an out of body experience...emotions took over, denial overtrew emotions and there I was ..lacting like it never happened!
I'm a sociopath Dieter ( Mike..don't you say a thing! I feel smartness coming from you skinny tiny dude!)
It was my 2nd slip in 7 weeks....and hopefully my last!

Your deranged train conductor!

Nelly

[explorthis]

ate a muffin blueberry with a cappucino and the worst part is that I didn't even care! didn't even feel guilty!

I didn't even think at all...

I'm a sociopath Dieter

Mike. Don’t you say a thing!

Your deranged train conductor

I think you meant temporarily-derailed-conductor? We are here to help re-rail you on the straight and narrow!

How can I not comment? You want me to, or you would not have solicited…

At least it’s only your second occurrence?

What I don’t understand is how you can say and I quote: I didn’t even care, and I didn’t even feel guilty. This is BS. I am not chastising you for the slip, I slipped. We ALL slipped I am betting. But for you to say you did not think is wrong. You knew you were purposefully choosing to eat the muffin and cappuccino. It was not an accident that happened. It was a decisive, made, conscious choice. My point is we know you have to modify your plan, so why consciously choose to sabotage it with something like a muffin, and a cappuccino? You felt guilty, or you would not be here posting that you did not.

Stick with us; make these choices the ones that are best for you, not ones that sabotage you.

Agree?

-Mike

[elle4nelly]

why don't you just finish me off...you could put a paper "donkey ear hat on me little head".then send me to the corner to recite 10 Hail Mary's? I feel now like I did as a child in catholic school...
But...yeah...I guess I do agree with you.... I was frustrated enough not to care when I ate the muffin...and that was the honest truth....I felt bad only after reading this thread...It made me see how carrie and Pam were able to fend off their food demons and I ( just because I was frustrated ) just ate a muffin..the way I ate those 7 nuts last month! Except, I had a delayed guilt reaction this time ! So you are right Mike to read me my rights....I knew better...I am a very determine and aggressive go getter, not to mention a control freak! I want to reach my goal on medifast and I will....Be assured of that !! I just fell off the path for 20 minutes, 1 muffin and a cappucino!

And I will stand up and take all the wrath, the gentle scolding or the brutal truth...cause i'm a big girl and plus I deserve it...
Now, if ya'll excuse me...I'll go to the corner and slurp on a shake while i recite my 10 Hail Mary's, 5 lord prayers and a rosary round as an act of contrition

Shameful on the train to Thinville

Nelly

[explorthis]

why don't you just finish me off...

Nelly, I am glad your here. You are a GREAT asset to this board. I personally love reading your posts, and I know you are a great candidate for success. You have proven this by your actions and dedication.

No finishing anyone off, especially you. You are our conductor to THINVILLE, and we must have a leader/driver. This is and can only be NELLIE!!!

-Mike