The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Jeanette]

This is re-posted with the author's permission from another discussion board I frequent. I thought it might be helpful to all of us.
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I’ve noticed that there are a lot of references to guilt, confession, and cheating in our posts. While I’m not trying to be politically correct, I do believe that guilt has no place in our diets. What we’re doing is training (or retraining) ourselves to adopt a healthy lifestyle. We’re training ourselves how to eat, how to drink, how to exercise, and how to cope with life’s challenges in a healthy way. From going to school to learning a new job to finding our way around a new city, we undergo training all the time. We learn a skill, practice it, make mistakes, learn from our mistakes, and move on. When do we feel guilty in those situations? Angry, frustrated, impatient? Sure, that’s a part of learning sometimes – but guilty?

I think the way Sandra (Powderwalk) handled a situation this weekend is a perfect example of keeping guilt out of this process. She had a social event coming up, had a plan in mind, and researched her plan by coming on the board in advance to get a few opinions. As the evening progressed, she modified her plan but made healthy choices as she went along. The next day, she was right back on her fast, feeling stronger and more confident in herself, yet mindful of the possible after effects (the slippery slope we all know about!) Suppose the evening hadn’t turned out so well. In that case, instead of feeling guilty, which can be a paralyzing emotion, she could have reviewed what happened and decided what she would do differently the next time.

Guilt just gets in the way of the learning process, I think. It’s a negative emotion that doesn’t accomplish much. Oh, it can be powerful! We’ve all “guilted” someone into doing something. But did it feel as good as when the loved one acted on his or her own, out of love and respect? And how does the loved one feel about it? I can tell you that I feel so much better about myself when I exercise because it’s a good thing to do for myself than when I do it because I’ll feel guilty if I don’t! When I’m “guilted” into doing something, by myself or anyone else, I tend to feel resentful!

Angela (AngieGirl) said that her program emphasizes “making decisions.” That makes sense to me because making decisions comes from a place of strength, while acting out of guilt comes from a place of weakness or vulnerability. Don’t get me wrong – guilt has its place in society. But let’s reserve it for moral indiscretions such as breaking the law or hurting others.

This is the first program I’ve ever done (and I’ve done them all) when I didn’t feel guilty. As a result, it’s the first program that I’ve ever stuck with for longer than a few months. I think it helped that my only rule was that I could eat or drink anything I wanted as long as I was willing to accept the consequences. As Art says, we’re adults and we can do whatever we want! So when I made the decision to go off my plan, I didn’t feel the need to blame or punish myself, and I didn’t feel like I had failed because I also believed that I haven’t failed until I quit.

Why not give it a try? Don’t “cheat” but make decisions. Don’t “confess” but report our mistakes AND our successes. Don’t punish ourselves for mistakes but learn from them and give ourselves credit for our progress! Maybe we begin by changing our language but my hope is that we change our attitudes!
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Medifast since 5/6/03
228/170/170
Medifast/South Beach Diet (for maintenance) since 2/17/04

[BonitaGirl]

Thank you Jeannette! This is exactly what I was talking about in my post. I have slipped up, but I get right back on the program, and I don't beat myself up with guilt. So what if I had a piece of pizza. Yes, it might slow down my weight loss, but as many of you know we didn't get fat with one piece of pizza, it was the MANY pieces that did it. The only reason I won't do it again is because of how I felt afterwards. My body can't handle that kind of grease and heavy foods anymore. Good. We must train ourselves for the rest of our lives, not just for now. Much as we would love life to always include Medifast, that isn't going to happen. There are always going to be events in our lives where we are going to be around food. I am a definite foodaholic, but I am learning what restraint means. Medifast has helped me with that. It is a new way of approaching life and food.

[TamiL]

Thank you for posting that Jeanette!! thats a good one to read over...and think about!!

Tami

[Whodini64]

Oh Jeanette...

That definately was an awesome post! I read it twice! Guilt plays such a big role in my life, and I can identify with SO much of it.

I identify with the resentment of doing something out of "guilt". My way of "taking control of myself" was always to EAT. With no one watching, of course.

(I am not good with words and getting my thoughts written, like many of you are... so I keep writing and then deleting... so sorry if my thoughts seem incomplete.)

I guess it boils down to this post making "a light bulb go off in my head". I am an adult. I will make decisions based not on resentment or guilt... trying to take "control" does NOT mean putting wrong things into my mouth.

OK... this is the part where I would normally just delete this whole thing, (I have responded to so many posts... but keep deleting before sending.) My thoughts just seem to fly better/faster than my fingers and so when I re-read what I have written... it doesn't make sense.

I hope you just know, that by taking the time to post what you did... you touched me. I will continue to "think" about the guilt/resentment thing... and apply more positive language to myself and my choices. After all, I am "choosing" medifast as my vehicle to lose this weight, to keep it off, I will have to make better choices for ME for the rest of my life. I will do this!

Thank you for "listening" to my rambling. My resolution for the day is to quit deleting my thoughts... and maybe I will get better and more comfortable, with time, at writing.

~Danee~

[Jeanette]

Danee, you're doing GREAT--just keep posting! Even if you think it sounds crazy!!

Glad you enjoyed the post!

[elle4nelly]

Jeanette?

Your Post Rocks!!!!!!! I agree 200%!! And I am always glad to hear that someone out there feels the same way I do about the issue of Guilt. I usually am surrounded by people who feel differently and then I'd feel guilty about NOT FEELING GUILTY IN THE FIRST PLACE...But Your post as reinforced me more than you know. Sitting around mopping about what was and what wasn't is the kind of mindframe that just sends you back for more slip-ups. Just plan ahead, know the consequences, and if you slip..just pay your price, and keep going. It's a tough stance but it works!!

way to go Jeanette!


Nelly

[Jeanette]

Thanks Nelly and all.....and special thanks to Kendra, the author of the post! I am trying to convince her to visit here and impart some wisdom on us!

[TamiL]

Well Guys...I slipped last night...and I just re-read the GUILT post...but its hard for me...
Im not sure what happened...all I can be sure of is that I am feeling lousy today...and my poor stomach is not happy!
I used food last night for something other than fuel...and for the few minutes going down..it felt and tasted great..but those few minutes are not at all worth what I am feeling now....

I worked out yesterday...after Nelly encouraged me...I was feeling great and strong...and doing so well on this program...and for some reason...I lost it last night....still trying to put the peices together...and understand what triggered it other than aunt flo is around the corner....but there is more than that!!
the difference in me is that I wont keep going on the wrong track today...I will pick up the peices...cry a little this morning on my way to work out of dissapointment...and get it all out....but start a new day...get myself back into ketosis...and hope that all of you who are thinking about cheating...just KNOW that its not worth it....I didnt wake up this morning with that GREAT energy or good feeling that I have been of knowing I had total control over what I was eating...and feeling THIN when I woke up...feeling confident...all the great things I was feeling went out the door when I shoveled junk in my body last night mindlessly...ITS NOT WORTH IT...please GOD let me remember this the next time I am tempted...or loose my mind and want to binge....

Today is a new day. brand new. Thank god for new beginnings.
Tami

[pinkgeek]

Tami:

I am so sorry that you had a bad time last night and that you slipped. Like you said, today is a new day to try again, to get back on your bike with your scraped knees and wounded ego and ride again. Maybe this can be a learning experience...I don't know. I'm so new, so I don't really know what to say, but I want to comfort you and to remind you that we are all here for you and all vulnerable to the same temptations and potential failure. I know myself that it's difficult in some ways to come here. I want to give advice and appear (no, be) confident and become a seasoned veteran, but I'm really really scared that I am going to slip. The opportunity is there constantly. I work in a building where both fat and skinny boogers eat all day long and offer me things constantly. My husband is a skinny booger who eats what he wants without worry of turning into a fat booger. (He's sweet and considerate of me, though.) But you see, I could mess up at any time and I am scared of doing so. I afraid of coming and here and saying things like, "I'm doing great, this is great, I can do this!"...only to have to make a confession similar to yours. I fear Guido and I fear the shame that would come in making a mistake. But I realize this is wrong thinking. We are human, we cannot be expected to be perfect...no one is...(Mike only thinks he is...being a man and all *giggle*). Personally, I don't expect you or anyone here to never mess up...to err is human..we ARE human. We value you so much, Tami...your posts are awesome, you are so positive, encouraging, and zealous about this program, it's just impossible not to think you are the greatest. We need you here. So keep truckin' my sister! We UNDERSTAND what you are going through even if you/we don't understand why it happened. We will learn and then attack the underlying reasons with weapons other than food! *hugs*

[Carrie]

Tami - Girl, I understand. I didn't make it through my PMS without going off my program. But look at the bigger picture. You are making forward progress. Here's a little secret...... you aren't perfect. SHOCKER! You're making it to your goal, and that's all that counts. You are doing this!

Angela - Here's a little secret for you too ........ you're only human. At some point you are gonna slip, and as long as you get right back on your program, so what? And we're not gonna get mad at you or think any less of you when you do slip. I don't know anyone that's perfect, the important thing is to persevereand make forward progress. You can do this.

(Now don't take that as permission to 'cheat' either!)

Carrie