The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[Diana]

This is one of those collection of moments that must be recorded.

Last week I had to go to the doctor -- it wasn't my regular doctor, but one who knows her well. We were going over stats, etc, and I mentioned I've lost over 70 lbs since March. His reply, "Yeah, Holly's got here that you're morbidly obese and (he looks at me from side to side) I'm not seein' it." At the time, I hadn't realized how close to the 80# mark I was...

I was getting dressed this morning -- we have a booth at the Home and Garden Show in Antioch, CA. I put on a pair of size 22 dress slacks and they were just too parachuty. So, I dug into one of Dayna's boxes and found a comparable pair of size 20 dress slacks. Not only do they fit, THEY'VE got room, too!!

Of course, there were some wows from fairgoers (I have a poster with my first sideways pic on it). But I'm still rocked by this whole size 20 business. And the fact that the tens digit on the scale reads "2," and it's about to read "1." I really, really, really didn't BELIEVE, even with Take Shape for Life, that I'd be here. And my head starts to pound in considering that this whole BMI of 24 thing will be MY personal reality.

It's so much more than losing weight. Mike and I were talking today about how strangers treat us differently than before. No more double takes. No more comments not quite out of earshot. We flew to Portland last weekend -- no harrassment from the airline about buying a 3rd seat. In fact, no seatbelt extenders for EITHER of us. And my tray table went down unobstructed!! That hasn't happened since I was a teenager. Not to mention the fact that students and their parents look at us and speak to us with much greater respect. A colleague told me she wouldn't have known it was me in the office if it weren't for my hair.

Realizing that 2/3rds of America is overweight, Mike and I stood in the middle of a road at the fairgrounds this afternoon, each an arm around the other, watching people walk by without any notice of us and we realized ... WE'RE NORMAL!!!

Of course, we want better than normal, we want fit! But to finally be given tacit public approval of how you look by the fact that they DON'T notice... I can't quite find the right description for the emotion. It's like the peace that comes after a good cry. Like forgiveness.

[Diana]

Inspired by Serendipity's thread on what we have in common under What's Shakin'... http://www.makemethinner.com/forum/diet-9508.html

I've often known that if it weren't for food, I'd have some other addiction. When you overeat, you can do it in public, it's not illegal, you can still drive a car. Let's face it, when was the last time anyone was called on the carpet when s/he showed up smelling like chocolate donuts?

But the effect is the same -- self-medication, entertainment, stress relief, mood alterations, company, celebration, self-inflicted punishment, self-neglect,...

Many of us have been taught to think of others before ourselves. I think often that gets mistranslated as think lowly of oneself.

I think there's a lot to be said for upbringing. Were you expected to maintain a size 6 at all cost or were you exptected to clean your plate? I, myself, am a card-carrying member of the Clean Plate Club and the daughter of an admitted emotional eater (something I really embraced my senior year in high school). But we can't discount genes, either. I've got my dad's mother's belly (too bad I didn't get the cupcakes to go with it!), Dayna's got Mom's hips. And how many 5-year-olds are truly obsessed with sugar? It's not that it was there, it's that I KNEW it was there and I could focus on nothing else. I'm not convinced that's learned.

Like many of us, I think I'm others-oriented. Nurturing? Yeah, ok, at times...all right, DEFINITELY at time. Teachers who are generally into teaching for the nurturing are usually drawn elementary--I teach middle school. But the interaction of PLEASING someone else has always been one of my favorite form of entertainment and (self)reward. (Don't get all erotica on me, here -- I mean that in the most innocent of senses.) I wouldn't say I seek attention, in fact when ask, I say I really don't like it for it's own sake. But I do like recognition.

As far as ages, it has always impressed me that, in cyberspace, after high school, we all seem about the same age with some variations. I played an online game with my sister for a while and assumed everyone was somewhere between our two ages. What an eye-opener to discover the REAL range of ages! The teenaged girls were hard to pick out from the rest of the crowd, the teen boys, on the other hand, needed no special discernment. And the more mature folks -- well, like I said, we all seemed to be about the same age.

As for the artsy stuff, check.

Resourceful?? Hmm... depends on the situation and the amount of stress I'm under. Some stress increases my resourcefulness (just as some stress increases performance). Too much, though, and (predictably) I plode in some direction. But, yes, I think folks who find their way to and become part of an online community have some sort of adventurous spirit, something of an explorer's attitude.

Intelligence. What is it Garrison Keeler says about the folks of lovely Lake Woebegone? Something about all the children being above average? (I know my IQ, but it's not something I share. I'd sooner share my underwear size and show you my stretch marks. Besides, intelligence isn't the determining factor in whether someone is good or nice.)

And I've long maintained I think this is the most gorgeously photographic bunch around.

One other element, although it waxes and wanes, but this seems to be a community of faith. That is primarily what made me most comfortable here. I was quite leary of joining another online community after a previous experience that ran particularly afoul. But knowing the value base that guided discussions (in fact, guided the guidelines!!) weighed tremendously in my decision to jump in -- that and the urgings of my effervescent sister.

[Diana]

Things I can do now that I couldn't do in March of this year:

clip my toenails
tie my shoe with one hand on either side of my leg
curl up in my futon chair
curl up with my hubby in his futon chair
adjust the driver's seat based on the length of my legs not the size of my belly
buy clothes in pseudo regular stores
work a 14-hour day
sleep comfortably and wake up without pain
pick something up off the floor without bracing myself
pick MYSELF up off the floor
sit cross-legged on the bed (or in my futon chair -- haven't tried it on the hard floor, though)
wear non-stretch jeans comfortably
walk past sugary stuff even when no one's looking
fly on an airplane without an extender
put the tray table down unobstructed on said airplane
fit through turnstyles
jog (when necessary)
fit in middle school-sized desks (any style)
hear people tell me on a regular basis how good I look
buy nylons in the grocery store
wear those nylons comfortably
do housework after school (as long as my arthritis allows it)
WANT to get up to make sure my hair's done and my make-up's on before work
successfully abort just about any migraine

At this writing, I've dropped 80 lbs and lowered my BMI by just over 13 points. I've had only 1 sick day this quarter which is MUCH better than last year's average of 7.

[Mike]

Way to go honey.

[Diana]

I can't believe it! I stepped on the scale this morning and it read 219!!! Wow... how did that happen?? I'm still getting used to the fact that I'm under 250 and here I am 17 lbs away from shedding that golden 100. I've been trying to do this for 12 years, and here I am. So, like Bamababe, aka xmas1somethingerother, that's my new goal. I want to be in the 100# club AND in Onederland by Christmas. (I'll probably get there before that, but by Christmas is a reasonable, achievable goal.)

I told Mike I need to go shopping and I'm passing on the 24s and the 22s to my mom. Not only do I need clothes that fit, I need clothes that fit my body type (which is quite different from my amazing, adorable world-traveling sister).

[Diana]

I've been pretty vocal about my migraine issues and how pleased I've been with the improvement since implementing the BeSlim Philosophy in my life, joining Take Shape for Life, using the Medifast products, etc.

Lately, however, I've been having lots of pain. (Reader's Digest version: A couple weeks back, a larger student body slammed me from behind. It was an accident, but I have arthritis in my spine which is a contributing factor in the whole migraine situation. I've been in pain of varying degrees since that day.)

Anywho, any of you who wander across this and are so inclined, I would really appreciate your prayers that the pain would return to its manageable, pre-collission level ... sooner is, of course, preferable to later.

Many thanks.

[Unca_Tim]

Sending healing thoughts your way Di...

[hulagirlfromhawaii]

Aloha Diana,

I suffered from a herniated disc in my neck for years and it was sometimes unbareable, so I can imagine what you are going through.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, that your pain will subside
Hugs to you !

[Diana]

Thanks for the prayers and well wishes, all. Today's been a good day. After being down for 3 days in a row, it's been good to be up and about a bit. Mike's got a chest cold, so my mom and I went to church, then took my mil out for lunch. That's just about as much up and out as I'm up for today. I have another dr's appt tomorrow. I'm really, really grateful that I have a self-contained class this year and that they're coming together as a small community. The reading program I teach 1st period is so scripted and so routine that it practically runs itself. The rest of the day takes a little more thought and preparation.

My Roll Call: 1.8# loss for the week. 15 to go 'til 100# club, 17.8 to go 'til Onederland

[Mike]

You are doing fabulous my wifey. Way to go!

[Diana]

I did the FUNNEST thing tonight!!! My closets are impressively bare. Thanks to the dear hubster and Walmart, I have about 8 blouses I can wear to school. BUT I had nary a sweater! In years past, it hasn't been such a big deal, but combine pre-menopause (I know, "Wait 'til it REALLY hits") with Medifast and it makes even self-proclaimed warm-blooded no-thanks-really-i'm-fine-and-can-we-please-open-a-window hot bodies reach for something in a wool blend.

So, tonight had to be the night. Sweater deadline is Thursday night, tomorrow's Halloween, Wednesday is also booked. Had to be tonight.

We went to Kohl's -- a place I can shop now that I don't weigh more than most furniture can safely hold. I'm a 1X or an XL -- depending on the cut. (I didn't know there was a difference until tonight!) I stood there in the aisle. Women's and Misses clothing as far as the eye can see. From this wall to that wall and around those two pillars.

And it hit me...

I can CHOOSE!!!

I wasn't there searching for the 3 or 4 garments that MIGHT fit. I could try on ANYTHING from ANY RACK or ANY DISPLAY!! There were a couple of things (a cordouroy jacket, for example) where the XL wouldn't work and there wasn't a 1X, but who cares??? I took 8 sweaters into the dressing room with me -- tried 'em ALL on (decided on 4 right there). AND THEN I tried on at least a half dozen more just over my clothes in the aisles.

It was truly a rush!! I practically skipped from one side of the store to the other as I spotted new sweaters not yet investigated. I was deciding based on my tastes, my current wardrobe, how much I wanted to spend...all those skinny parameters.

And they're so much CHEAPER than Omar-the-Tentmaker's!!!

AND GUESS WHAT ELSE??? ***GUYS, LEAVE NOW! THIS IS YOUR ONLY WARNING*** I'm only 2" from being able to buy bras OFF the RACK in a NORMAL department store!! (I can find them to go around the rib cage, but cup size is still too large. My cupcakes are more like mini-tarts.)

Oh, the possibilities.... :swoon:

[Diana]

It's a happy day, and I think God for the weather
It's a happy day, and I'm living it for my Lord
It's a happy day, and things are gonna get better
Livin' each day by the promises in God's Word

You know those tunes from your childhood that just suddenly overwhelm you? I love this business. I love this mission of helping folks reclaim their health just as I am reclaiming mine. I think of how tired I am when I come home from work, and the jazzed I am on Monday nights after the Nurse's call, the Leadership call, and then calling and emailing our clients.

I haven't been true to the program of late -- as is my nature, a planned detour lead to further indiscretions -- but each day, each hour, each minute I have a new opportunity to try it again and choose better. As Lori said on the Nurse's call, reading from Success in a Shaker Jar, this isn't failure, it's a pause. In climbing a mountain, it's not failure to stop along the way, rest, take a break, then determine to continue, looking forward to the victorious end.

So, end pause, resume play. I'm obviously BACK in ketosis (note Children's Church song above), so NOW is my next best opportunity to run with it!

[Mike]

.... and we both Rock on together.....

[Diana]

Back in June or July, to prepare myself for what seemed an inevitable plateau (given the experience of countless others), I wrote a myself a plateau song.

The first 4+ months, I was stoically faithful to the 5&1 Plan. As a result, I felt better than I ever remember feeling in my life (no kidding, honest!), and I'd lost 60 lbs.

But on a fateful vacation in late July/early August, I strode defiantly away from the program.

Getting back on track resulted in 14 days in a row of migraines attacks (which also meant some high-powered medications every day for two straight weeks), a lessening of committment to my personal goal, and a whole bouquet of justifications for "tasting" stuff.

As a result, even though I've managed to lose just short of 30 more pounds (I hope to submit for admission to the 90# club on Sunday, but I've been saying that for a month), I feel like I've struggled. This used to be easy; it's been hard.

Here's the thing -- None of the slowed/fluctuating progress can be attributed to a plateau; I'm acutely aware that I've done this to myself.

And here's how: I've become a taster. Piece of chocolate here, a tablespoon (or more like 2) of mashed potatoes there, leave the croutons on please, oh just a small taste, thanks.

It adds up! Next thing I know, I'm out of ketosis, not losing (or -- more frustrating -- gaining!), hungry, grumpy and craving. Not enough to feel REALLY bad about anything, just enough to get discouraged. I mean, I've got a perfectly good song waiting for an ACTUAL plateau and here I've gone and created my own!

Instruction? I've got it! How much clearer can the Quick Start Guide be? And, heck, what about all the stuff to read here on line.

Support? Well, in addition to all of you wonderful folks, there's my dh, my ds, my mom, her dh, my best friend, her dh, 2 of my health care providers, and 6 friends from work (there are more ... but you get the idea).

Accountability? Ditto the above.

It all comes down to one simple question that folks like Dr. Anderson keep asking, "What do you want?" In other words, my motivation.

And here's what I've learned about motivation and change:
External forces work in the short term, but internal loci are enduring.
A desire to get away from a certain situation (fat, uncomfortable, less attractive) will lead to dimished drive once there's a certain amount of relief
A desire to move toward something is a more sustainable goal
I've got to have concrete, measureable goals backed up by a clear, executable plan.
If I want it badly enough, nothing will stop me.

Bdg had a great suggestion on the Nurse's call just before Thanksgiving -- remember your vision; keep it always before you; write it down, put it in your pocket and take it with you. It sure simplifies that whole "What do you want?" question when I've got that note in one hand and a piece of fudge in the other. I know that I don't want to be another stymied taster; I want to be the diva my husband didn't know he married.

[Mike]

...... and man is that Diva hot!!!! (oops, did I just say that out loud?)