Annakat

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Annakat

Postby AnnaKat » January 5th, 2007, 10:32 am

1/5/07 - Today is my fourth day on MF. I huge accomplishment since I usually mess up around day 2, over and over again. By standard rules, I should be hitting ketosis now, which I am thankful for. Those first few days are HARD. I get So hungry and I'm about ready to pass out from hunger on my way home from work to eat my lean and green. But this ends. Actually yesterday wasn't so bad. Had salmon and broccoli at Fridays for dinner (with renee). It was hard, I SO wanted a beer or a glass of wine and a burger. But it went fine. It's easy when I'm motivated. The worst are the dreams, every night since I started I've dreamt I've eaten cake, cookies, drinking alcohol, eating snacks. Then I wake up feeling horrible about myself until I realize it was only a dream. Guess in a way it's nice, having the comfort of eating what i want in my dreams. In a way it satisfies me. But these dreams will end soon.
I think I'll weigh in on Sunday so I can participate in the roll call. Even though it wasn't a full week, and I like to only weigh once after a full week. But I want Sunday to be my regular weigh in day.
It's great, just after 3 days, I've been feeling better (other than dizziness and being a little tired) but better as a whole. Things have gotten easier, even though I haven't lost much. Think this shows that bad food choices hurt my body on a daily basis. Make me sluggish and weighed down.
I know I have to up my water intake. And will over time. Right now, I drink 64 onces at work, then have a glass or two at night with dinner. I want to drink more to help me lose more weight.

Reasons to stay motivated:
1. Able to take katie places, like the zoo, and be able to keep up with her. In the spring and summer to be able to play with her and have the stamina to keep at it as long as she does.

2. Reduce my back pain. I think my weight has caused the sciatic nerve that is killing me.

3. Be able to walk places at the same speed as everyone else and not get winded. I want walking to be a breeze.

4. Health Health Health

5. Get my energy and life back. I want to be more active.

6. Stop sweating so damn much!!!!!!!!

7. Throw away all those "fat" clothes that are cluttering my closets. When they get loose, THROW THEM AWAY and NEVER go back to that size.

8. Have a face, rather than a round blob on top of my body

9. Be able to wear cute girl clothes, rather than buying mens 4x shirts at Kmart.

10. To be Anna again, not "what diet are you on now?" Anna

Of course, there's the ultimate goal of looking good. But I don't want that to be a reason.... it's a side affect ;)
Annakat

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Re: Annakat

Postby Karli » January 5th, 2007, 10:39 am

AnnaKat wrote: The worst are the dreams, every night since I started I've dreamt I've eaten cake, cookies, drinking alcohol, eating snacks. Then I wake up feeling horrible about myself until I realize it was only a dream.


Oh, I have been there. And actually, I think this is *so* interesting. Because, in a sense, we used to live that dream pretty much everyday. In my dreams I felt like I lived it, and the difference is that I would wake up and start to feel all of the same regret and disappointment I would with the real-life stuff, but then I feel *so* relieved to wake up more and realize it was only a dream. The real life stuff hung around in more ways than one and only kept the pattern going.

So, I think it's a blessing of sorts to have these dreams (though it's nice when they do subside). It's as though our mind is waking, in real life, out of what we used to live and when we do wake out of the dream state, we see a stark difference in how things used to be in comparison to where we currently are.

Anyway, I am chattering too much probably.

Congrats on your successful days ! Keep it up :).


Karli
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Postby AnnaKat » January 7th, 2007, 1:10 pm

1/7/06
Day 6 and decided to weigh in so I could post in roll call. Thankfully, I lost 10 lbs!! I know it's mostly water weight, but that's fine with me. Starting to feel a little better, getting more energy thank god. The weekends are hard for me. This is when I usually kick back and eat and have some drinks as I sit home, clean or watch movies. I don't want to go out, not ready to be around temptation yet. But staying home isn't all that easy either. O well, it's my fault I got this far gone. I have to accept the consequences.
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Postby AnnaKat » January 8th, 2007, 3:15 pm

Ok, for some reason today is hard. My head is going a little nutso. It's really hard to do this being alone. Although probably easier than if I had kids and there was always food in the house. But I miss my friends....my after work snack and wine. That's all I have to come home to. Besides my dogs. I'm feeling angry today. Angry because I want a drink and I can't have it. Angry because I want it in the first place. Angry because I know one of these days I'll cave. I enjoy eating and drinking. I'm angry that I have to give it up because I can't control it. I keep trying to tell myself that if I get this weight off and exercise every day, that one day I will be able to have what I want - in moderation of course. I think about losing 50 lbs, which sounds like a lot. But then I realize, even after 50 lbs I still will weigh 245! It's hard to see the accomplishment in that. It's such a long journey. I'm just a little (ok, a lot) depressed today. I think once I'm able to exercise I'll feel better. First of all, I'll have something to do after work, and second it'll make me feel better cuz of those endorphins or whatever.
I'm just in a funk. I'm hungry.... praying that I won't feel hungry someday soon. I want some cashews and chardonnay. I'm going to have to go to bed early tonight to subside this craving. I hope it goes away. I know everyone has days where they mess up and I don't intend on being "perfect" on this plan for the entire time. But it's only been a week! Which is probably why I am having the bad cravings. In the past it has done me good to actually have a bad day, cuz after I eat and drink I feel SO HORRIBLE that I never want to do it again. But this time, I don't want to cave.
I want to start seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist. I want to try and get to the bottom of why I have a food and alcohol addiction. If there really is a reason.
ugh! Today is a bad day.
Annakat

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Postby Karli » January 8th, 2007, 3:27 pm

AnnaKat wrote: I want some cashews and chardonnay.


Hi Anna. You know, it seems you are stating exactly what you want... but, I don't think you are (you know what you really want, and you know how to get it, too. Have courage dear one :)). Because, I mean, really, what would those things actually give you ? Nothing they want to promise, you know that :). Nothing that is good and lasting -- isn't that what you actually want ? Something that is truly nourishing you ? Something that makes you feel complete and free on your deepest levels ? :angel:

Those things have never held the power nor the key to your happiness and they NEVER will (not even in moderation) :angel: . You are strong enough to come to terms with that :angel:. You already know this stuff otherwise you would never have made the decision to take the action you have already taken and to have the successes you have already had. I am convinced that most of everything we want to "solve" about our lives are actually staring us right in the face :mrgreen:. Just don't turn away :).

You can do this :).

Karli
Last edited by Karli on January 8th, 2007, 3:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby AnnaKat » January 8th, 2007, 3:34 pm

Thanks Karli, I appreciate the response. You are right, those things won't give me anything good. Just get in the way of what I REALLY want, and that is to lose this weight. ;)
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Postby Elizabeth » January 8th, 2007, 3:41 pm

Anna, congratulations on losing 10 lbs and sticking this out for a week.
I'm sorry you're having a bad day but if you stick it out, you will feel so much better tomorrow and will actually grow some emotional muscle from it. I sure hope you can get through tonight. Can you get out of the house? Do some window shopping? How about going to a gym and ask if you can have a trial period to see if you like it. The hardest thing about this is to change. We need to replace the bad habits with some healthy ones. I find getting on the computer helps and take my mind off of eating. Also, watching a show on TV. Talk on the phone to someone who you trust and can listen to your struggles? Can you think of anything? Did you have your L & G yet? How about just having some extra protein and see if that will help you.
Thinking of you...I totally understand where you are right now.
Best wishes. Keep posting.
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Postby AnnaKat » January 8th, 2007, 3:46 pm

Thanks Elizabeth, at first I was hoping no one would read this post, but I'm glad it did. You and Karli helped me a bit. I will be all right. When I get home from work, I'll have my lean and green. I always look forward to that. Just gotta keep busy and not think about it all so much. And I think I'm PMS'ing, so that doesn't help either.
thanks for the support girls!
Annakat

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Postby Karli » January 8th, 2007, 4:10 pm

hee hee... sounds like you have it figured out :). Just remember that anybody's and everybody's success has actually been played out just one meal, one day, one decision at a time. No matter how dramatic the success has been ! And actually, that's one of the most beautiful and amazing things about it, don't you think ?

Take care,
Karli
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Postby Unca_Tim » January 8th, 2007, 8:35 pm

Elizabeth wrote:I'm sorry you're having a bad day but if you stick it out, you will feel so much better tomorrow and will actually grow some emotional muscle from it.


I love that.

Maybe we should have an emotional muscle workout room?
:)
Unca
"Failure is a choice"
~From a dream~
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Hi

Postby dede4wd » January 8th, 2007, 11:40 pm

Hi Annakat,

I don't know if you got much out of Karli's posts, but I sure did! I hope today ended up going better for you, and that tomorrow goes better too.

I am sitting on my couch wondering why I can't have this leftover booze and food from my family's visit and being mad at myself for wanting those "things" at all. I KNOW I want goal more than them and they will be given away tomorrow, but I want what I want. It's a battle, I just know i want to reach goal and be healthy MORE!

Thanks for your posts!

DeDe
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Postby AnnaKat » January 9th, 2007, 10:06 am

Well, I made it through yesterday just fine. I just went home, had my dinner and water and watched tv and talked to a good friend. I know I'd be hating myself right now if I would have messed up. So thanks for all the words of support.
I feel better today. I feel good that I haven't faltered and that makes me proud of myself.
I don't have alot going on in my head today, so not much to journal. I just want to make sure I keep at this, should help me stay focused and motivated.
Annakat

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Postby Karli » January 9th, 2007, 10:10 am

Yes, congratulations, Anna :). You SHOULD feel proud of yourself :). I woke up feeling very relieved that I didn't give in yesterday, too. And, I want to wake up with that kind of freedom EVERY morning (because it just feels better -- doesn't it ? ). Keep with it :). You are doing it ! Thanks for checking in.

Cheers,
Karli
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Postby AnnaKat » January 9th, 2007, 10:29 am

yes, totally relieved this morning. So now I feel I can stick with it better since I made it through a hard day. :-P
Annakat

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Hi

Postby dede4wd » January 9th, 2007, 2:10 pm

I'm the same way, I wake up relieved that I made it through a hard day, and PROUD OF MYSELF for making it! You should be too! Woo hoo!

DeDe
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