The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[DntCryLilEmoGrl]

I now hate to talk about my wedding because i worry i end up running off and getting diarrhea of the mouth and going on and on ...and...yeah

I did however think it might be a good idea to ask you ladies (and gentlemen!) if you have any good advice for us soon to be newlyweds on creating a good solid foundation for our marriage.

i know most brides dont want to think that married life is not the glamourous vacuuming in pearls and heals and getting tennis bracelets all the time type of fantasy alot of them picture, so most dont want advice from others that have been there done that , got the wedding band.

I however, want a long lasting, and for the most part, a happy marriage even if it isnt everyday we are happy and cheery and loving.

so yeah, if u have any advice to share, please feel free

[rodeomom]

Always put your relationship FIRST! Even when you have children you must put your relationship FIRST! Most people put the needs of the kids first and blow their marriage - how good is that for the kids? Many will disagree, but if you think about it you will know it is true. Kids need their parents to have a healthy and happy relationship before they need to get to that dance class, soccer game etc...

Also there is a good book out called the 5 Love Languages, it is written by a Christain author (and is quite funny)! Couples in our church are going through it right now and boy I have seen some great changes.

This coming from a divorcee - but my ex was abusive so I had a good reason to kick him out.

Here is a link to Chapman's website:
<snip>no urls please - Mr. Snippy</snip>

OK - I am prepared for the tossing of tomatos...

[bikipatra]

When push comes to shove, a great friendship with you husband is more reliable than sticky hot passion.

[Serendipity]

Don't go into your marriage thinking you can change anything about your spouse.

The little quirks that you think are cute now will be really annoying in 25 years, so plan for that.

Be honest and expect honesty.

Talk about your expectations for the big things BEFORE you get married. (want kids?, how you'll raise your kids re: religion, etc). It's amazing how many people just think those things will work themselves out......they don't.

Be loyal and expect loyalty.

And most important: Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated.

Edited to add: Married 31 years to my high school sweetheart.

[DntCryLilEmoGrl]

this is all really good advice! i really appreciate it ! if anyone stumbles upon it i hope they also leave their tokens of wisdom. i think im goin to watch this a while and see if more is added then print all ur advice out. hehe maybe ill try and get others advice like family and friends and do something with it

maybe a little quote book for me and him to look at, though i wont include names if people dont want me to.

[Jan]

Hi there,
Remember there will be good times, great times, and not so good times. It's all just part of life. No two people will ever think 100% alike. That's where compromise comes in. Decide and talk about (ahead of time ) the areas in which you are willing to compromise and those that you simply won't. Also remember when you don't have that "loving feeling" .. that's when commitment comes in. I've told my children ( 32 and 28 -- both single) that I believe that no matter who you marry there will be times when you think " why in the world did I ever do this??" But those times will pass -- it's all about being human and letting your spouse have the same privilege. We've been married 37 years now ... some great times.. some not so great- --- but always working to improve!!
jan

[DonnaS]

COMMUNICATION!

Also, men can't read minds (misconception of mine for a long time) so you have to speak up and tell them exactly what your thinking, feeling or what you want.





Married to my high school sweetheart for 28 years.

[Mickeyz]

COMMUNICATION! My husband was not a very good at communication when we first met. But he learned and we learned together. Now we talk about everything and very rarely fight. When things are in the open, there are no surprises.

Also, some people may say you need to be willing to sacrifice. I disagree, sometimes compromise is needed, but sacrifice only makes you bitter in the long run.

One other thing, I have been a debt counselor for many years and I have seen some very troubling things in relationships with money. Debt isn't good, but secrets about debt will undermine the best of relationships. Start now talking about money, how you plan to spend money, how you plan to save money. Do you both agree on a spending plan? Is one of you a spender and one a saver? Does one of you believe the sole purpose of money is to have more toys? Handle your money together, don't make it one persons duty. I could go on and on, but you get the idea!

Happily married to my college sweetheart for almost 32 years

[DntCryLilEmoGrl]

COMMUNICATION! My husband was not a very good at communication when we first met. But he learned and we learned together. Now we talk about everything and very rarely fight. When things are in the open, there are no surprises.

Also, some people may say you need to be willing to sacrifice. I disagree, sometimes compromise is needed, but sacrifice only makes you bitter in the long run.

One other thing, I have been a debt counselor for many years and I have seen some very troubling things in relationships with money. Debt isn't good, but secrets about debt will undermine the best of relationships. Start now talking about money, how you plan to spend money, how you plan to save money. Do you both agree on a spending plan? Is one of you a spender and one a saver? Does one of you believe the sole purpose of money is to have more toys? Handle your money together, don't make it one persons duty. I could go on and on, but you get the idea!

Happily married to my college sweetheart for almost 32 years

funny that you talk about debt. that was a HUGE thing with my parents. and they got a divorce. right now him and i are working to improve our credit and im working toward paying my medical bills and credit cards off. and we are definitely not using credit cards or loans on our wedding.

i use to be more of a spender but now i keep track over everything i spend on and i found myself much better at savings

great advice! finances are such a huge deal when it comes to marriages making it. i think that we are pretty good at talking about finances and arent big spenders when it comes down to it . my parents kinda deterred me from blowing money because my mom has nothing to show for it and no retirement money, she is nearly 60

[big ron]

My wife is helping me with this

We have been married for 21 years and together for 25 years. The first and foremost thing is to maintain TRUST and Honesty in the relationship.My wife doesnt worry when I am out of town and neither do I so we dont get caught up in jealousy.

We also make sure that we always still tell each other we love each other all the time.

We talk out our problems rather than looking elsewhere. Dont be afraid to get professional help if needed to get back on track.

Keep the HOT in the relationship. Romance,Dating,Spice needs to be ongoing. It doesnt need to end once your married.

Never take personal shots when fighting. When you fight fair its not personal and doesnt hurt feelings.

Never be too proud to say I'm Sorry

Comprimise you dont always get your way. Share

Be your own person. Dont smother each other. Its okay to have some interests that the other person doesnt.

Walk away from temptation before it's a problem.

When children are involved be on the same page. This is very important that you are united when dealing with your children especially when they get older.

No matter how busy your life becomes with work kids etc always take alone time for each other to be together.

Hug each other everyday and tell each other you love them.

[DntCryLilEmoGrl]

thank you ron! and Mrs. Ron! hehe what an awesome list. I really do appreciate you taking the time to post that. im definitely going to have to save all the advice you all have been posting. its funny because alot Seems like common sense, but really i think most people lately forget all the small things and maybe thats why marriages in general have seemed to gone out the window and that makes me sad. i think that the fact my parents divorced makes me really want to have my marriage work!

maybe 30 years from now i can be giving someone else my age the same advice about marriage Ron it sounds like you have a wonderful woman and that you and your wife make a good team!

[DonnaS]

When children are involved be on the same page. This is very important that you are united when dealing with your children especially when they get older.

I totally agree with this and it's something that can cause marital strife. From a personal experience it is very hard when one parent always has to be the disciplinarian and the other tries to be the "good guy," especially when they get older. Guess you can figure out which one I am.