The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[mellowmom]

Well the "great dating experiment" has suddenly come to a crashing halt. Frustrating thing is I haven't a clue what went wrong. Guess that's why so many people say they dislike the whole idea of dating. Just from my brief encounter it hardly seemed worth the hassle.

First, let me say, I am braindead when it comes to entering into relationships with members of the opposite sex. I really appreciate the helpful words of support and encouragement offered to me by members of this board to an earlier post re. "the rules of dating"... It at least got me pointed in the right direction.

My "Marine" seemed pretty nice. He may in fact still be a nice person. It's just that I probably would have a more positive impression of him if he hadn't just "disappeared".

When I left on my vacation, he called and left me phone messages, emailed me, we spoke a couple of times and he said a few times that he missed me. Cool. I felt the same way.

Get back on Thursday, we chat briefly. He's got a job interview and says we'll talk more on Friday evening. Friday morning he calls and leaves me a message that he's running late, but again, we'll talk this evening.. (Friday night). Later on that day he sends me a bunch of pictures of him in his backyard in a nice suit on his way to the interview.

Now here's the strange part...I Haven't heard a word from him since??? <img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_1_27.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D23%252F23_1_27/image.gif"> It's like he dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe he was married... I don't know what the signs are outside of the proverbial "tan line on the left ring finger".

Guess, I'll chalk it up to experience. I can't buy that he forgot, or got caught up in stuff and wasn't able to get in contact with me. In this day and age if you can't reach someone either by phone, email or cell phone, then you just don't want to reach them.

One good thing that came of all this is that I didn't turn to food for comfort. At first I was a little down about the whole experience trying to figure out what "I" did wrong. The urge to medicate myself with food came on quickly, and just as quickly left. I figured it doesn't have to be about "me" or what "I" had or hadn't done. It was his choice and his problem. So, it's "Aloha on the steel guitar" to my Marine... <img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/5/5_2_103.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D5%252F5_2_103/image.gif">"It was great fun, but it was just one of those things." (Say they should write a song...

[alpha femme]

are you talking friday night as in 48 hours ago?
if so, then girrrrrrrl, relax!

you can call. leave 1 (one, uno, a solitary) messgae. you know, "hey! how are you? i just wanted to say hi and see how your interview went..." kind of thing. then leave it.

this is not the end of a "dating experiment." this is your life. life is about meeting new people, baby! i let women drop off all the time-- there doesn't need to be a production if there was no committment. however, if it's only been a couple of days, you might wanna go back and read what i said about getting too attached way too quickly.

YOU can be choosey. worry about who YOU want-- not about who wants you. if some "marine" doesn't get it, then some florist with a great ass will. what i'm saying is everyone on here thought the idea of him was great. you know what other idea is great? winning the lottery. ain't gonna happen. don't get caught up in the fantasy of ideals. and don't feel like only one person will see how amazing you are.

that's how bad marriages get on their way. desperate + loser = disaster.
you are neither of these things-- but you may have picked up bad habits from people trying to make you feel like less of a person because of your weight. so, YOU need to go after what you want, stay open to possibilities, and drop any baggage you know is slowing down your good time.

seriously. i speak from experience.

this is a party. it's the only one you get. and not only are you the guest of honor, but you are also the host and the bouncer. let in the people you want-- but don't forget that means sending out the occassional invitation. and when people start to act up in your house, feel free to show the the door.

[alpha femme]

i would also like to add that there are A LOT of people who are not single that play around like they are; you are right to wonder about that. trust your instincts, but never feel defeated because of one date, one guy, one experience, one... anything.

[mellowmom]

Wow! Thanks Alex... you should write a book...seriously. You hit it exactly right on. I'm not giving up...just moving on and it's okay. Just felt a bit off kilter not knowing "why"... Better to think, "Why not?"

Carmel

[DogMa]

Definitely good advice, but read the first part, too, missy!!! Are we talking just this past Friday? Anything could have come up that kept him from calling. I agree that you should call him. Just one call, leave one message if he's not there, and then let it go.

For all you know, he was in a car accident or some family member got sick and he had to leave town or something. It could be anything.

[mellowmom]

Just to set the record straight. I wouldn't have minded if we went several days without contacting one another. It was just the fact that he made it a point of leaving me a message Friday morning and then sending me some pix of himself in his suit later on that day reinterating that we were going to chat later and then Poof...nothing, nada, not even a goodbye.

I did initially worry that something might have happened to him, but I noticed that he has signed on both Saturday and Sunday onto the same dating site we first met on....so I do know that at least, he's alive and has access to a computer.

I have left him one phone message today. Hoped he was okay. Told him to take care and give me a call when/if he wants to talk. I don't want to over analyze it. Being new to the game I had my guard up initially when we met. He did all the pursuing, and I just lived my life like always. It just seemed that once I started to reciprocate those "feelings" he kept conveying to me, he poofed. Lesson learned (I'm a quick study, really) and I'm moving on. Like I said in the initial post, I'm happy knowing that I didn't turn to food for solace in my confusion. So that's a positive I'm holding on to.

Thanks again for all your support and advice.

Carmel

[DogMa]

Yeah, I've had it happen. You just never know with people.

Heck, the last guy I dated more than twice dumped me with no explanation by returning a Rubbermaid container I'd left at his house - by just leaving it in my mailbox one day. The ONLY thing that had happened since the last time we saw each other, when everything was fine, was that I'd been stung by a bee and nearly died.

When I called and he didn't answer my calls (he had caller ID), I e-mailed to ask what was up. He said he didn't want to "get into it" because he'd broken up with women before who had proceeded to berate him and tell him everything that was wrong with him. ... I'd known the guy a whole two or three weeks. I e-mailed back that I hadn't intended to anything like that but just would have appreciated the common courtesy of even a NOTE explaining the container in my mailbox. And then I blocked his e-mail address.

[alpha femme]

to be honest, people are often discourteous when there is nothing in it for them. on the other hand, when someone calls you every day (or more than once a day) within, oh... a month of meeting you, RUN.

people like that are bad news.

seriously. if someone smothers right away, it's because they are needy and think you will be flattered into becoming attached. healthy relationships mean never having to say, "dude, you're using all my minutes."

[mellowmom]

healthy relationships mean never having to say, "dude, you're using all my minutes."

<img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/23/23_6_118.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D23%252F23_6_118/image.gif">

So true, Alex...So True!

[Sojourner]

seriously. i speak from experience.

So Alex...about that book...I think this is the perfect title.

Carmel, I can add absolutely nothing to Alex's post, though I was also wondering if you mean day-before-yesterday Friday. If so, I agree with Alex there too......relax. And then, everything else she said!!

[alpha femme]

well, oddly enough a cop advised me to write a book about my last relationship. i am soooo not kidding. (don't ask.) his suggestion for a title was "so, you're dating a crazy b****."

yours may be better...

[Sojourner]

LOL
They're both great--maybe you can use one as a subtitle!

[VictoriousNat]

well, oddly enough a cop advised me to write a book about my last relationship. i am soooo not kidding. (don't ask.) his suggestion for a title was "so, you're dating a crazy b****."

yours may be better...

PS Great advice!

Mellowmom: I hope MarineMan is ok.

[ascicles]

As a guy, I can tell you that most men wait three days to call a woman. The reason is simple...Swingers (the movie). They brought this "rule" to the mainstream. Now, most guys follow it.

Personally, I wait two days after the initial meeting. I call the next day after that point.

[mellowmom]

Thanks for the heads-up Manly...

I can understand that "philosophy"...don't agree with it...but I can kind of understand it. See, the part that I, and most all women can't stand is when a guy says "he'll call" and then doesn't. We'd rather they say up front they're "not interested" rather than use that "Ill call ya" line.

Today, the plot thickened, however. I emailed him this morning because the toilet in my mom's bathroom backed up and I couldn't unplug it. He does a lot of handyman work around his house so I figured I'd ask if he had any suggetions.

To my amazement, he just emailed me back and started with the statement that he owed me an apology, which he is afraid I won't accept. Then preceded to tell me how to snake out the plumbing. (Have to be honest, for a brief second I thought...takes a "snake" to know about a "snake".)

So what to do... wait for him to "call" with an apology...(been there, done that..), ignore him, or email him back with some pithy statement like, I don't know if I'll accept your reason or not, have to hear the reason!!)

So Manly, from a male perpective...whaddya think?