The MakeMeThinner Support Forum

[LongWay2go]

I'm posting this as a follow-up to the "fat man" post. I know that post angered some and I've taken some flak for it via email.

No, I do not consider my choice in words to be insensitive. That man is FAT! I'm FAT! A good many of people reading this are FAT or they wouldn't be here reading this!

Our society has deemed the word "fat" to be insensitive. It is just a word, folks. If you consider that an average man weights around 175 pounds (that's my guess, not based on fact) then this gentle man weighed about 6 times a normal man. That's fat!

Wake up and smell the Dutch Chocolate. We're all hear for a reason, and that reason is to lose the fat and become healthy, both for ourselves and for those whom we love and would like to "stick around" for. Being fat can kill you, or at least cripple you severly as it has me.

A couple of years ago I was in Montreal visiting the musuem at the old Olympic site. A bus load of Japanese tourists came over to me very excited, wanting to have their pictures taken with the "American Sumo". That did not offend me. I stood for 45 minutes while one after another took turns, with flashes going off in my eyes constantly. I even picked up a few of the smaller men for effect, resulting in great cheers and applause from the crowd. I am not exagerating one tiny bit, it was an amazing experience!

I know I am fat. It does not offend me that others know it too. That is a fact of life. What offends me is that I have allowed myself to become fat, and that, dear folks, I am changing!

Some of my posts (like the "fat man" post) are done with calculated reasoning, knowing that some will be offended. Some will be angry. Some will give me grief via email! I DON'T CARE!!! Not about that, anyway. I want to shake you up. I want to make you see reality. I want to motivate you, even if it takes anger to do it, to get with the program and lose the weight you need to lose.

I'm not perfect. Oh, so very, very far from it! And I certainly do not consider myself any better than any of you - not one tiny bit! I wouldn't have achieved the unbelievable weight of 523 pounds if I was!

What I am is determined. Determined to do WHATEVER it takes to lose the weight, and determined to do whatever it takes to keep you from going what I have gone through. Back in Jan/Feb after my fall when I couldn't walk for 2 months and was on 8 vicodene a day for the pain, I prayed hourly that God would let me die. I couldn't stand the pain I was in.

I am NOT willing to sit by and let that happen to anyone else! Not if I can prevent it. Love me, hate me, or somewhere in between. I don't care, as long as something I do or say will prevent what happened to me from happening to each and every one of you. Because I do care about you. I want you to be healthy.

My heartfelt love and support to each and every one of you!

- Gerald

[explorthis]

A-M-E-N!!!

[Sylvia]

I'm with you Gerald...a rose by any other name...

Fat is fat. Our focus should not be on sensitivity or political correctness, it should instead be on losing weight so we are no longer fat or overweight or whatever term you want to use as a label.

[Simmshe]

Thanks for caring so much Gerald--not only about yourself but about all of us, too . There's a lot to be said for the person who not only wants to improve their lives, but help those around them, too. In this day and age of selfishness and self-absorption, your selflessness is touching and a breath of fresh air!

I wasn't offended by your use of the word "fat." In fact, it didn't set off any bells in me when I read your post the other day. Oh well . I know that we are all different, with different ways of learning, relating, and doing things. But I would hope that people would know, from reading your posts, how far from rude or disrespectful your choice of word was.

Keep doing what you're doing! I'm so glad to see you reclaiming your life, and doing it so matter of factly, and for caring for others as well .

Sheryl

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Hey! This is a life and death issue! I don't get it that people get offended?!

Wish that fellow had a computer and would join this forum!

And Gerald, you're wrong, you DO CARE which is why you posted this relevant and helpful article.

"Wake up and smell the Dutch Chocolate" I love that -
Thanks for the chuckle and reality check!
Camille

[Carrie]

Probably my opinion here is splitting hairs between the 'letter' and the 'intent' of the 'law', but as most of you know, I'm not shy about saying how I feel so here goes:

Personally, I can't see what's wrong with labeling a 1,000 pound guy fat. Is it better to call him 'heavy' or 'chubby' or 'undertall' or 'corpulent' or 'rotund' ............ I don't know. I can say though that there is a difference between what is 'okay' for me here than in my 'real' life. I may say quite clearly on this forum that I'm fat and trying not to be but honestly I do not use 'fat' regarding myself in my actual speech. I would also be wounded if one of my friends were to use certain adjectives about me in speech. That's just me - I'm thin-skinned and the first to admit it. HOWEVER, being that way has also made me the first to offer someone the benefit of the doubt when they say something 'iffy'. This is not to say that I am avoiding reality about my weight, I am fully aware of it, but I also do not need to have it shoved in my face. (not saying that's what happened, just making a related point).

Some people are here because they simply like to eat and have been complacent about diet and exercising. But some of us are here because after years and years of abusing food as a way to avoid reality we are trying to face reality. For many of us that may mean facing physical, mental or sexual abuse – or perhaps just plain neglect. Without telling my life story - I am one of those people, and I can tell you that this is the most difficult, painful thing I have ever tried to do.

Do I expect the people here to be sensitive to that? Yes, I do.

This is not about just ‘burning more than I take in’ – it’s about accepting certain things in my past, getting over them and re-learning how to respond to life. Not an easy task, and I dare say if it were there would be no fat people, no alcoholics, no drug addicts, no compulsive gamblers, and on and on.

We absolutely need to care about how our words are received. Granted, we are a diverse enough group that pretty much anything said can be taken the wrong way by someone. I notice a pattern – the men are very matter of fact – black and white – ‘just do it’. But most of us women need different kinds of support. I can tell you that there are days when I really just need someone to sympathize or ‘feel my pain’, and then there are days when what I really need is one of Guido’s tough love lectures. Getting a rough and ready Guido lecture when what I really need is comfort may very well do more harm than good. That’s why it’s my responsibility to communicate what I need from each of you – and why it’s also my responsibility to be very mindful of what I say to you. I think we all need to remember that this experience is different for each of us, and what works for one, doesn't for someone else.

From sympathizing to tough love, our support of each other should always be done from a caring, sensitive place.

Carrie

[RavenKat]

I meant this post to go to carrie, not on the board - so I deleted it.

Kat

[Carrie]

and P.S. just to make sure ........

I'm not saying anyone here doesn't care about what they say or how it's recieved, I was just lobbying for us extra-sensitive people that are always worried we said something that hurts someones feelings.

[Sylvia]

Carrie,

I totally hear what you're saying and agree. I tend to respond to more of the tough love or suck it up and deal with it approach, but there are clearly others here who prefer a softer approach. Like you, sometimes I want or need one approach and other times another. I also recognize that while I know exactly what I want or expect from others on a given day, THEY have no idea and tend to respond in the way that best suits them.

Also, I sometimes read a post from someone who I think is looking for support/sympathy/commiseration. That person gets a very no nonsense response from someone. I expect the original poster to be upset, but he/she instead posts again about how much the response is appreciated or hit the mark...

I try to be sensitive. If I think my response to a post will be hurtful, I don't post. I can't and don't want to change how I see the world but I can try to make sure my approach doesn't needlessly hurt or harm others.

I also think that the diversity of viewpoint is one of the things that makes this forum so great. I use my own filter as I read peoples' thoughts and opinions but I love the fact that there's so much of weight here (no pun intended) to think about.

Sylvia

[DutchChoc]

Gerald, I'm with you, buddy. As "fat" is an adjective used to describe something/someone of excess corpulence, it just makes sense to me that one of the "heaviest" humans on this planet must qualify for the term. How could it be otherwise? I'm rather amazed that you'd get any flak over that. I thought you came off, as usual, supportive and very thoughtful. Cheers!!

[LongWay2go]

*Whew* what a roasting I'm taking today! But I'm glad that you all spoke your mind and I do respect you for that! Thanks to everyone who understands where I'm coming from and thank you all for your support every single day. Just like any other "family" we won't always agree but we must remain focused on our goal and that is to lose weight!

Many of you are in good health and only have a few (relatively speaking) pounds to lose. I'm in a war. I have hundreds of pounds to lose and I'm in "take no prisoners" mode. Being sensitive to others is important and I'm not downplaying that. But call a spade a spade!

- Gerald

[hawaiiwhatnot]

Or how about calling it "calorically challenged". That's kinder and gentler.

[susan]

Hi Gerald,
I haven;t been on here for awhile but your post was good .I STILL KNOW THAT i AM FAT and still have about 47 pounds to go .but I fell off the train and I am on again to countine losing my weight. and lois post has Inspired me also so here I go again heading for success .I had lost 61 pounds and I gained some while I was off but lost 3 pounds and have 6 more to go to get back to where i was .It is a everday thing and I haft to remind mysself that it is up to me to stay on tract no one made me go off I just did and I am really at my self for doing it.I could have been instead of so mad at myself oh the made me do it I am that I let it happen but this is a new day. and welcome aboard where glad to have you.were all here for the same reason or we wouldn;t be here .susan

[LongWay2go]

Thanks Susan, welcome back! 61 pounds lost is an incredible feat and I am sure you'll lose your remaining 47 pounds with a little determination. Falling off the train has a way of educating you, doesn't it? And it can make you realize that all the hard work you put into losing that weight in the first place was worth it, and that makes it easier to get back on track. Good luck!

- Gerald

[Nancy]

Oh, Camille, YOU are a hoot!

I love this:

how about calling it "calorically challenged". That's kinder and gentler.

Now I am not only OC but also CC! At least I am kinder and gentler, however! Hee hee!