Ponderisms

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Ponderisms

Postby supermom » July 1st, 2006, 12:25 pm

PONDERISMS


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

If your knees were on the back of your legs, what would a chair look like?
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Postby Mike » July 1st, 2006, 5:59 pm

These were hilarious... if not poignant
Pre WLS 460
Low after WLS 300
Start of MF 350
Previous MF low 280
Restart MF 330


I have to be careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.
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Postby Joelie » July 1st, 2006, 6:42 pm

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Postby Arklahoma » July 2nd, 2006, 7:43 am

Very Funny!!
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Postby Karakuri » July 2nd, 2006, 10:46 am

lol these are great. :D
start date: June 12, 2006
start weight: 260
new start date: May 14, 2008
current weight: 260
goal weight: 160
height: 5'7"
back on medifast, again, and ready to kick it into gear!
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Postby jump4joy » July 2nd, 2006, 10:35 pm

Thanks for the smiles!
Motto: The time will pass whether I diet or not.
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Re: Ponderisms

Postby wildtrk » July 3rd, 2006, 11:19 am

supermom wrote:How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


And a can of lighter fluid!
327/247/199
MF Start Date 4/14/06
10# - 4/26 40# - 5/25 70# - 7/27
20# - 5/04 50# - 6/18 80# - 8/31
30# - 5/15 60# - 7/1

New Start Date 1/22/10
Starting weight 355/345/199
10# - 2/2/10

"How long does getting thin take?" Pooh asked anxiously.
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