Know what the "B's" are ---- Bahama Mama's, Bread, Beef, Bailey's, Bermuda night life, and Rum - sorry not a B-word... how about Booze?
Oh yes, and let's not forget burned and bloated ---- too much sun and not enough WATER!!!!!! BUT......NO HUGE WEIGHT GAIN and NO WEIGHT LOST. It felt so good to feel good about myself - I Kariokied(?) on the ship, I danced, I laughed, I talked to strangers and I tryed my hardest not to flush myself down the tubes. Remember, I never...NEVER cheated on my plan from the day I started and I was scared to death to deviate from my routine -- well, a couple of Island cocktails (my first deviation) and I got over it --- but you know what - I feel like I did OK. Really. I ate things I haven't eaten in months and drank and let my resistance down but I really am OK - could I be getting better ---oops, another B-word!!!!
I never ate Breakfast - had a shake - salad for lunch with something I haven't been eating on it - tryed bites of desserts and you know what I didn't die or explode or BETRAY (B-word) myself. Oh I am being very honest when I say there were days I could've/should've had the 3 shakes Nancy suggested and didn't or could've lived without the chocolate on my pillow and didn't or should've tried harder to get my water from something other than ice cubes - but I didn't ----BUT YOU KNOW WHAT??? I never lost focus on the fact that I was making choices to eat (not gorge) on things I have not been eating and that I could do that - what does Nancy say....because I can.... and I did ... and I am OK. For the first time in years and years and years FOOD was not the main focus of this vacation - what a place to test this out - a CRUISE... the food capital of the WORLD --- but it was OK. GOD do you know how good it feels to have this experience and know that I can begin to trust myself - that maybe this is what my future looks like --- more sanity around choices because I can have it if I want it - it's never going anywhere BUT I don't want it anymore - the power is gone ..... what an amazing feeling. Oh, don't think I'm settling into a sense of false security _ I've looked into the eyes of the DEVIL or should I say "DEVIL'S FOOD" and I know I am always one bite another B-word away from H-LL if I chose to be. I've learned so much these last few months from all of you sharing your experience and encouragement and threats and wisdom --- I also learned to trust my gut ... all along I knew that drinking would lower my resistance - BINGO...another B-word. I'm not a big drinker, but letting my hair down usually means I've let my guard down too ---- munching comes with the territory ---- I WAS SO AWARE OF THIS THAT I WAS PREPARED AND DIDN'T FALL INTO THE PIT ---- This trip was good for me - getting right back onto my program was good for me --- I have a healthier FEAR of my food addiction right now ---- I know I HAVE CHOICES AND I REALLY AM IN MY OWN CORNER - I will not only survive - I WILL SUCCEED!!!!!
Thank you all for always being here and listening - sorry for the ramble - but not really.... I needed it. After all, coming here makes me feel like I just got home!!!!
Remember...
WE WILL do this together!!!
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