QT2Lose45

1 Thread per registered User.

QT2Lose45

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 13th, 2006, 8:17 am

So here i go with my journal....

First, about me:
I am 28 yrs old. I spent 10 yrs in the Navy when the only thing that ever held me back was my weight. (not that it held me back too much, I made E6 in less than 8 yrs.) When i was the best at doing what i did, and a great leader for juniors, i struggled continuously with weight. I was overlooked for awards, and my evaluations suffered from not being able to be within 'standards'. I accomplished so much, and am very proud of what i did and what i acheived, but i know that i could've been so much more is i had been in compliance with the physical fitness program. It made me mad to see 'skinny' people who could eat what ever they wanted, never exercise, be 'average' or below at their jobs, and never struggle with weight/pt requirements. UUGGHHHH how frustrating.
Anyway, i'm 5'10", and 10 yrs ago, weighed in around 185.... still over the max of 177 i'm allowed for the navy, but still within my body fat %. 7 yrs in, i had ate my way up to 200. But, i was working out, and i convinced myself that it was okay, because muscle weighs more than fat. At 23, i got pregnant, and at 24 and the birth of my beautiful daughter, i tipped the scales at 253. Well, needless to say, i've never see anything less than 210 since. Actually, i tried WW a few times, and i did get down to 208 at one point. WHoo-hoo, right? I decided to get out of the service. i was too good at what i did to be judged about my weight. In a regular job, doing the same thing i was doing in the military, i would be $$$$ alot more, and no one would tell me what i need to weigh and that i need to run a mile and a half in 15 minutes. So that's what i did, and i promised my self and my boyfriend (almost fiance :D ) that i would not let myself go, and i would maintain what i was when i separated (around 207). Welllllll, 2 months later, i was diagnosed with Sudden Senso Neural Hearing Loss, and lost complete hearing in my right ear, for some unknown reason (maybe sleeping under the flight deck of an aircraft carrier during flight ops for 2 yrs, huh? 'they' (Dr's) say nope... not noise related) So their solution (dr's) was to prescribe me with Predisone (?). uh.... yea right. did not help with hearing, but sure blew me up in a matter of weeks! so by then, i was up to about 225... so here i was, 27 at the time, can't hear, no one can tell me why, they can't fix it, and i'm fatter than before. So what do i do? Depression set in... (oh yea, througout all of this, i have a wonderful boyfriend who is still active navy, and we are battling through a long distance relationship. He is in KeyWest, and I'm in Tampa with my daughter. We considered moving down there, but the job opportunities for what i do weren't there, and my family is here. He retires in 2008, when he'll move up here, and we will tie the knot, buy the house, etc, etc.... ) He is very supportive, but how much can a phone really 'be there for you'? We see each other a little less often than before, but only due to sked conflicts/finances... not because we choose to. So now I'm depressed, w/ a toddler at home by myself, can't hear in one ear, and getting fatter by the day. Bad day? let me make myself feel better by going to one of my favorite resturants and eating what i want... mmmmm.. thanks trusty food for being there again. But wait.. i would feel worse after i ate... what kinda friend are you? :twisted: So i buy a treadmill, that i never get on, because i'm tired ALLLLL the time. i look at this diet and that diet... say i'll start on (random date)... date comes and goes, and i'm still saying who wants to go to dinner??? Reality checks: my daughter asked if i was pregnant, cuz when you have a fat belly, there's a baby inside.... Boyfriend isn't as affectionate last few visits... says he doesnt' care about my weight and still loves me, but in my head his lack of affection = I'm a fatty. Even my father pointed out that i had gained alot of weight since last year after i got out of service. OUCH. Get on the scale.... 234.... havent' weighed that since pregnancy. I would like to get down to 190 to start... then maybe 175 just because later :D
So now what? Sure i could keep believing people who say 'oh your just thick, not fat' or 'your so tall you carry it well' or ' the steroids they put you on are to blame, its okay' or 'you have such a pretty face' or 'you carry yourself with such confidence, no one notices your weight' whatever random saying that comes up to falsely justify me being fat. I'm uncomfortable in my clothes.. i went from wearing XL's and 14's to 2X and 18+.. How could i allow this to happen? i have an active daughter i need to keep up with and a boyfriend i want to be irresistable to, and a feeling that i need to fulfill by finding myself again; to actual own the confidence that i portray, to prove that I can do it, and Food is not a crutch for my pitying myself.
Wow... in no way am i writing this for any one to feel bad for me, cuz i know there are much much worse situations/reasons out there and everyone's issues are individualized. But i'm glad that i can express this in this forum, and face what is really going on with me. Now, through this journal, i can hold myself accountable and own my issues and throw away the excuses. I have gotten out of control in my own realm, and no one is responsible for that but ME. So I have to do this for ME. For MY self esteem, for MY confidence, for MY future, and for my daughter.
I used to like having my picture taken... i'm pretty photogenic, and not to sound vain, but it feels good when people say what good pictures you take. Now, i avoid the camera if i can. i don't want to face that that fat a$$ is really me! Well the heat is on.... i took the 'before pics' on day 1... UUUGGHHHHH :shock: :shock: :twisted:
Time to change, forever, i've typed my lists of why i want to lose weight and posted them on the fridge, the bathroom mirror, the bedroom mirror (easy to do when its' just me and lil' bit at home); i've started on the MF plan, and am determined! I've pulled out the bathingsuit that i've never worn cuz i'm too fat (bikini from VS) Boyfriend already said (at NEW YEAR'S '06!!!!) that if i lost 20 lbs, we would do a carribean cruise.... you would think that would be motivating....
I haven't told him about MF... i want to surprise him. we don't have any plans to see each other right now... talking about Vet's day in November... i'm thinking if i stick to plan, i can be down 20 lbs by then.... If thanksgiving is the next time we see each other, great... maybe 30? I know if i see results, i can stick to it... my before pic will get me through :?

so if you took the time to read this entry, thanks, if not, i don't blame you, it's like a BOOK! :lol:

til next entry.... shakin' away....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby THINKnTHIN » October 13th, 2006, 9:39 am

You NEEDED to write all of that down. Now it is out and you are already moving past it! I can already tell you are a very strong and disciplined person.

All that you wrote was the past and the future is within reach. You already have your mini goals set and it sounds like, to me, it is very reasonable that you will be in "onederland" by New Years.

Just trust the process. The journey is really as important as the goal. All the little victories add up to confidence that you can do this to reach and maintain any goal you set. Enjoy every minute of the journey.

Take care!
THINKnTHIN
Trusted Member - #30 Club
 
Posts: 63
Joined: October 2nd, 2006, 12:30 pm

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 14th, 2006, 6:50 pm

So i thought today would be a lot harder considering it was a weekend day.... the only thing hard was fitting in all my meals! I slept in, so my normal 1st meal was skipped... the rest of the day was on track though, so i ended up have 4 and a L&G, instead of 5+1... Tomorrow, i will space them closer to make sure i get them all in.
The scale is fluctuating, and i know i'm not supposed to be on it every day... right now it's going between 228 and 230.... hopefully tomorrow will be a steady 228 and go down. i'm actually glad to be getting away for a week, where there will be no scale in my hotel! i plan on sticking to program and being very excited to come home and step on the scale ..... I've just finished bagging up all my 'supplies' for the trip. I've got all my days planned out, a bag full of splenda packets, sf kool aid to go, seasonings, salad spray (for when i'm out to dinner if they don't have low fat), mini whisk, soup mug, water bottle, sf gum and mints, etc.. I'm SET. I even went out and bought a personal blender for my shakes, because i like them better blended with ice than just shaken and poured over ice. Its really cute and shouldn't take up too much room in my luggage! :lol:
So far, and i know i'm only 5 days in, MF is the easiest diet to stick to. My cravings aren't out of control, and the excitement of seeing results is totally curbing my temptation to cheat. (okay, i did have the smallest bite of my daughter turkey hot dog this afternoon... but that was it!) I jsut think about how i will feel when i lose some, and it keeps me strong. Maybe i am just sick of being fat! :D
hopefully there will be hs internet in my hotel room.... ive already checked that there is a microwave/fridge, so yea!!! :) i'm sure there is... not too many places without them these days.
Day 5 down, and so far so good. I feel better about what i am doing.
until next time..... ;)
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby kendra_m » October 15th, 2006, 5:54 am

QT,

Congrats on a good first 5 days. And on planning so well for travelling. That's the key to taking this show on the road!

I enjoyed reading your journal, you sound like a very strong & determined woman. I agree with Thinkn, that you need to get your story out there, whether it's in the journal or to a trusted friend. Part of this journey is figuring out what led you to this place originally, part of the mental work that needs to be done.

Sounds like you're off to a great start!!

Kendra
Image

:hatch: Finding the new me!!
--------------
10# - 9/11/06
20# - 9/24/06
30# - 11/5/06
40# - 11/19/06
kendra_m
Preferred Member - #40 Club
 
Posts: 229
Joined: August 29th, 2006, 8:00 pm
Location: Springfield, IL

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 17th, 2006, 3:05 pm

alright, so i'm on a business trip, and the temptation is deep. I keep saying the little mantra 'nothing tastes as good as thin feels' and i'm trying so hard to believe that. i never thought i would look forward to dinner soooo much. Also, i keep thinking that when i get down to my goal weight i can eat this or that (whatever i'm fantasizing about or see others eating).... from fresh pizza to hot phillly subs, to taco bell, whateva... anyway, then i start beating myself up in my head, like why would you want that after you accomplish such a goal (which i'm not even close to yet), and then i answer myself because it tastes soooo good. then i say it's not even going to be worth it, but then i can almost imagine how it taste. WHATS WRONG WITH ME??? :x Am i the only person who goes through this? So now i'm trying to analyze how much a pound is in calories and how much i will be able to eat when i'm at goal, and how i'm gonna incorporate the food i like (in moderation) to my diet. Isn't the norm that if you want to maintain your weight, you jsut workout 3 times a week for 45 minutes? UGGHHHHH.... why do i obsess about food? why is it such an important factor in my day, my lifestyle? i really feel like all my thoughts revolve around food. am i alone? i'm really trying to stay strong! MF is really easy... its the temptation that's not. i don't want to let myself down (for once! normally i don't hesitate to cheat).... i feel like i'm on the right track, but the thoughts of food keep creeping in and are making me second guess if i can do this :(

until next time....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby Diana » October 17th, 2006, 7:48 pm

It's true, it's true!! Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. It happens one day at a time, one choice at a time. Hang in there! Get your list of things you want out -- a lot more meaningful than, say, 15 minutes of flavor. There's another quote in someone's signature line: "Time will pass whether we diet or not."

Hang in there! You can do it!
Here's to our mutual success! :buddies: --Diana
User avatar
Diana
Preferred Member - #120 Club
Preferred Member - #120 Club
 
Posts: 1351
Joined: March 4th, 2006, 11:00 am
Location: San Franciscso Bay Area, CA

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 21st, 2006, 6:58 pm

Day 12:

Feeling down. Scale hasn't changed in almost a week... I've been being good, but i'm feeling like i want to cheat! Why is it so hard to stick to when you don't see a change right away??! DUH, of course i'm not going to lose 8 lbs a week.... :? That would just be too good to be true. I think my face is skinnier now, cuz a few people complimented me today and I thought (there ya go, there's some motivation; right? ) Wrong.... just want to eat! i want hot wings, i want pizza, i want ice cream. I keep trying to tell myself that food isn't going anywhere and when i lose the weight, i'll feel so much better, and then i can have what i like occasionaly in moderation.... I don't know what's wrong with me... sometimes i think, okay, you should be down where you want to be before XMAS, and that is right around the corner, then the very next minute, i'm thinking about how long that really is without the foods i want to eat.... uuugghhhhhh :x

I need to stay focused, and i need to do it to prove to myself that i can do it.... just hard... i have been through alot in the last couple of years, between being a single mother and dealing w/ military deployments, than choosing to leave that lifestyle for my family, then losing my hearing in my ear completely, then gaining the weight, being depressed, and maintaining a long distance relationship, you would think staying on a disciplined diet would be the least of my difficulties, but honestly this is one of the hardest things i've done for myself... more the reason to stick to it.... huh? well it's been a rough couple of days, so hopefully this week will get better....

til next time....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 23rd, 2006, 8:30 am

Maybe i just had a bad weekend... i am feeling better now, and back on track 100%. As of Sunday morning, was down 10# so that felt good... Made a grilled chicken salad last night, and it was HUGE!! I measured everything... and i was stuffed when i was done!! Very tasty too...
Still wanting some pizza :x but will fight the temptation.... Told the boyfriend (Terrance) about losing weight too. I was gonna try to surprise him, but i am so excited that i had to tell him... but i didn't tell him how i was doing it.... hopefully i will be seeing him on Veteran's day weekend, and hopefully i'll be down 20 # by then!! That would be soooo great! Back to work this week, not much going on, so i figured i would take this time to write in my journal... i ordered some food last week, and hoping it comes today. I got the vanilla pudding and the lemon bar sample, and the soy crisps samples... I hope i like them... I love the Chocolate pudding, and the banana is okay, but not my favorite. I figured vanillla would be good by itself or with some flavor to make different kinds (maybe CL lemonade for lemon pudding??) :lol: If anyone is reading this and has any ideas, let me know!! I'll be checking out the Lean Cuisine section also. I'm very excited to try the crisps!
Okay, well i'm rambling now, so til next time!!!!
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 27th, 2006, 4:56 pm

Well.... i was doing good at turning down all the temptations i was coming across..... UNTIL LAST NIGHT. I went to the Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights w/ a coworker, and we had a GREAT time.... w/ the help of alcohol :x I thought i was very coordinated, and planned well in ahead. I had my shakes, and i ate a bar before we went into the park, and i had already scoped out restuarants that i could be compliant w MF in the park... Well, our plans changed when we got there, and we ate at hard rock, okay no big deal, i'll make sure i eat L&G... then my friend said let's do a shot... and i hestitated and said no, cuz its off plan, blah blah blah, then it came up that we would be doing a lot of walking all night, and as long as i wasn't having mixed fruity drinks, it should be okay... WRONG. So i gave in.... and 3 shots later, and a grilled veggie sandwich (i wasn't planning on eating the bread, but i did) w/ a side salad (which i did good, no cheese/croutons, dressing on the side) we were heading out to the park. Somehow i convinced myself that it was okay, and i would walk off the extra calories and get back on plan today (which i am, but not before i did more BAD stuff!) So throughout the course of the evening, i had more shots (one of them a jello shot that i know was probaby laced w/ sugar!!!) a little bit of blueberry muffin from Starbucks (I didn't choose this, my friend bought it for me while i was in the bathroom, cuz i said i needed to put something in my stomach from drinking, and i felt bad and couldn't say 'i can't eat this' when he got it) so i just kinda nibbled on the 'muffin top' (pretty funny to me, eating and thinking, this isn't going to help w/ my muffin tops :D ) and i managed to throw most of it away when he wasn't looking... So that in itself is bad enough, but it gets worse!! :x We leave the park at 1 am and have to drive back to Tampa..... i still needed something of substance in my stomach, and was going to eat at a regular restaurant so i could try to have something somewhat in line, BUT they were closed... so Mickey D's here i come... ugghhh... Fish Filet and fries (which i didn't eat that many of). Yea, at 1:30 in the morning. (might i add, i ordered WATER to drink, like that'll offset it or something!!)

So, did I feel bad? Yes. I'm I back on track today? Yes. Hopefully the walking did help, and I'll tell you what, some time was spent in the bathroom this morning from my body processing food it isn't accustomed to anymore!! This morning got on the scale, and no change, so i guess that is better than gaining, but not as good as losing, and i'm just hoping i don't gain in the next few days... :x Hopefully tomorrow, or Sunday, be back into ketosis, and back into the losing game... Definitely focused again, cuz it is sooooo not worth gaining the weight back for a FILET OF FISH from MCDONALDS!!!! (the rest of the night, i had a good time :oops: )

I guess i'll wait til after roll call on sunday to do another journal entry.... i just wanted to get this out so i can hold myself accountable, instead of acting like nothing happened.... cuz if i can act like nothing happened, then i can see myself going downhill, and i definitely DO NOT want that..

Til next time.....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 30th, 2006, 6:57 am

okay... confession time. :( i've cheated twice + now... once that i wrote about before, then this past Saturday went out w/ friends for Halloween... it alllll started when one of the guys broght BK onion rings in the room... they looked/smelled good, so i had one... then 3..... then he said, oh, the guy threw in an extra fries... so i munched on those. Had a couple of guzzles of red wine... and off to party..... did good til the end, where we stopped at a pizzeria w NY style pizza, and i consumed 2 pieces!! i could've ate 6! It was so good. Anyway, woke up sunday, weighed in and hadn't gained (hadn't lost either) so okay... then back on the MF track except, i kept nibbling on my daughters foods :( i small bite of chicken finger, 1/4 of a big choco chip cookie, 2 bites of her kids cuisine cheeseburger and a very very small brownie.... :( :( :cry:

anyway, i'm over it..... i'm back on MF this morning and have vowed to myself that i'm not going to cheat at all this entire week.... i have to get down, and i guess part of me was looking at it like, whoo-hoo you lost 12 lbs.... go ahead, you are doing good! WOW was i wrong... when i sit back and think about how quicklly you gain weight without even noticing it... and how hard you try to lose it.... why would i even think that it is okay after only 12#s?!! What am i thinking!!!!

So here's my reminders:
-i want my clothes to get too big
-i want people to notice and compliment me
-i want to get to ONEDERLAND!!!!!!!! (and definitely before XMAS)
-i want to get healthy
-i want to stop believing that its okay to be big
-i want to look good next time i see terrance and for him to notice

alright.... speaking of being back on track, i need to fill up my water jug.... i can do this. i know i can do this. its not worth cheating.

til next time.....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby HollyH » October 30th, 2006, 9:42 am

great and honest journal! Sounds like you're back on track, and raring to go! Just take it one day at a time...and, if you do cheat..don't beat yourself up for it! Just know that you can do better next time! I wish you all the luck in the world!!!
HollyH
Image

started 9/26/06, age 36, 5'2
HollyH
Regular Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 27
Joined: October 19th, 2006, 1:39 pm
Location: Dallas, TX

Postby QT2Lose45 » October 31st, 2006, 8:28 pm

THanks Holly.... it makes me feel a little bit better when i read others journal entries and see that they struggle w/ cheating also!!!!

WHEW!!! I made it! I made it through trick or treating and a halloween party w/out eating one single piece of candy!!! On the other hand, i had 5 MF meals prior to the evening events, and knew the party we were going to would be serving dinner... i just hoped it wouldn't be too bad.... i ended up eating about 3/4 c of chili, salad (i picked out the olives), and :twisted: about 5 chicken wings :twisted:

BUT i figure that's better than chocolate cake, halloween cookies, and all the candy i could want... and of course there were cheese and crackers, bread rolls, cornbread, etc that i couldn't eat.... so overall i think i did okay...

AND on top of that.... TOM started in the middle of the festivities! so super duper yea for not wanting to scarf down any and all choco in sight!!!

i haven't weighed since sunday, and i don't plan on it til next sunday for a few reasons: 1. i've cheated :( 2. TOM this week... i already feel 10 lbs heavier! 3. cuz i'm tired of being obsessed w/ the scale!!!! Hopefully will see a difference come sunday!

My new mini goal is to lose 8 lbs by the 10th of nov.... will be seeing terrance, and that will put me down 20 lbs since the last time he saw me.... it will be hard since it is tom and next week i'm flying to Nebraska :shock: on business..... (not looking forward to cold weather!!) so i'm sure the plane ride and traveling will be a burden on my weight loss...

Well i've had a great night for the most part... it was so cute to see Mikaela (Kay for future reference) dressed up as Tinkerbell!! and she was really good so that was nice... (not that she's normally bad, she's just 4 and for the most part it is me and her 85% of the time) so it was just nice to see her having a great time w/ the other kids and not having to yell, or correct her, or whatever for a few hours...... (i hope i don't sound to harsh, hopefully other mothers go through this also!!)

alright, well off to bed for me! i swear it never ends... tomorrow is work and we are having an enchilada cookoff and of course i entered (before starting mf) so i'll be cooking enchiladas nice and early in the am... then dance class after work for Kay... WHEN DOES IT SLOW DOWN?!?! I swear, the older i get, the faster time ticks!!!!! There is never enough time! uughhh!!!

til next time....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby QT2Lose45 » November 3rd, 2006, 8:09 pm

:puter:

whew.... well i am still battling w/ TOM this week.... a few more days. I had said i wasn't going to weigh in til Sunday. BUUUUTTTT.... i weighed this morning. (The scale was just yelling for me to get on it) and I am down 3 more lbs!!!!! To put my total loss so far at 15 #!! :cleader:

and by the way... i got first place on my enchiladas in the cookoff at work!! Too bad i couldn't taste 'em :(

I was so on the edge of cheating... my mind was going crazy w/ thoughts of food off plan. BUT i just savored my MF choco pudding before bed, and gave myself a pep talk, and said just stick it out til Sunday, and see where you're at... but of course, as soon as i got up i jumped on the scale. But i'm glad i did, because i am re-motivated and the thoughts of cheating are gone!

Planning on seeing Terrance next weekend, and would love to lose 5 more #s by then, to put me at 20. and also, Friday will be one month of being on MF.

I also started exercising this week... jog/walked for about 40 mins on Wed, and walked 45 mins last night.... definitely want to make it a daily habit. even if it is just walking. better than sitting on my behind!

Ahh... need some water!! so guess i'll write more later....

til next time!!
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby QT2Lose45 » November 6th, 2006, 8:03 am

okay, can't write too long right now... at the airport waiting to board for another business trip.

Yesterday i was down 16 lbs total!!!! very excited. I had an opportunity to go see Terrance for the day, so i took it... flew down to KW in the morning and intended to try to stay on plan, but as soon as i got there it was over :( I drank.... ate pasta alfredo w/ fresh seafood (but not that much), chex mix, and 1/2 a butterfinger ice cream bar (it was only half cuz when i looked at the nutritional value, i had to throw the other half away!) BUT even after that, i got home and ordered chinese food :( so i didn't get on the scale this morning, and am going to be compliant all week, and see when i get home on friday what the scale says .... okay, gotta go, they just called my name, but i'll write more later!!

til next time....
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Postby QT2Lose45 » November 28th, 2006, 10:04 am

:puter:

Deep Breath.......

It has been since November 5th. I have been off program. Let's see... that makes it 23 days. (wow, it seemed a lot longer than that!) I have pretty much ate anything in sight, or in mind, and i feel like crap. I kept making excuses.... too many to recap in this journal... and actually wasn't planning on going back on program til after new year. But this morning i woke up and just said i would do it. i know i've gained, but i don't know how much. i'm in the middle of TOM right now, so that isn't helping.

i just went through and read all my journal entries. WOW. how could i have been doing so good then just go down hill like this?? i was doing good for the most part, and definitely holding myself accountable. Then i just turned my cheek to it and indulged in whateva fatty foods i could find. then i was exercising like 2-3 times a week trying to convince myself that it would prevent gaining. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???!

Okay, time to slap myself around some... get back on track. first 3 days i know will be tough... you would think it's easier to re-start because you know what the outcome is.... somehow not finding it too easy right now.

I don't know what is going on with me lately... i need to find the root of what is inside of me. I've been eating like a pig, and i've been going through money like water (NOT GOOD). It's not like i have some secret stash of money somewhere that it's okay to do this..... There has to be something going on, that i'm trying to displace by spending and eating. I guess its good that i recognize this, but i do not know what the driving force is. Time to pull it together. ALL AROUND. Financiallly, physically, emotionally..... I need some self-realization. How do i do that?

I love my home (apartment), but can't seem to keep it the way i want it. I get a lot of compliments on my home. and it's cozy. The kind of place to just want to hang around, yet, i never seem to be there (cuz i'm out spending money!) I love my dear daughter to death! I know i get frustrated with her (most of the time it is just us two) but i try to be very aware of that and remembering that she is FOUR. I love my job... no complaints. Very laid back environment, good people around, flexible hours.... I love my boyfriend, wish he was around a little more, the long distance thing sucks, but we've seen each other a lot lately so that's good. He even noticed my weight loss and that felt great, but then i went off program, that doesnt' even make sense. I'm close to my parents, and that is good (most the time, ha ha). I don't know what's missing that's causing my emotions to be all out of whack. And instead of trying to pin it down, i'm eating my brains out and spending money like i have it! big no no.... i really want to get out of my apartment and buy my own home next november. I have a plan... but putting it into motion is the issue. Terrance and I even talked about getting into one of the new townhouses being built in the neighborhood. You think that would motivate me not to spend, right?

Wow... where am i even going with this??? :aarggh:

okay... so time to stop having my own pity party... and get to the bottom of it. I know i will feel better after i lose weight. I know i will feel better if i get my finances on track. I know i will feel better just being better. So i just need to do it. i just need to keep telling myself to do it. no one is going to do it for me. i have great opportunities to do great things, and to be great and set a great example for my daughter (whose current mantra by the way is If you're smart and you're pretty, you can RULE THE WORLD!; Super cute!) So I need to kick my butt into shape and do it for me and for her. Right?

UUUGHHHHH!!!!! Okay.

I'm back.
<img border="0" src="http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/t/wZJpNNN/weight.png">

MF Start Date: 10/10/06-234lbs. Restart: 1/3/07
Current: 212lbs. 1/14/07
5'10"/28yrs young :)
10# 10/22/06
20# 1/14/07
User avatar
QT2Lose45
Preferred Member - #20 Club
 
Posts: 206
Joined: October 10th, 2006, 6:14 am
Location: Tampa, FL

Next

Return to My Journal



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron