Nickieluv

nickieluv · Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:29 am Post subject:

Thanks, Michelle. "Out of control" is a relative thing for me. When I was working, spending a few hundred dollars would not be such a big deal. Now, spending even five dollars can be seen as out of control because we just don't have it to spend.

It does come and go for me, though. I believe I've worked it out of my system for the time being, and when/if the urge comes on me again I believe I'll be in a better place to fight it.

As for needing the stuff - well, some of it is just out and out crap I don't need. But some things we did need, but they could have waited, and I justified it by saying we needed them. It escalated, too. For a few days I was just browsing online. But then that wasn't enough, and I actually started buying things. So there are warning signs that I can heed if I'm paying attention and am willing to stop the behavior before it starts.

Sharon mentioned in an NSV post that she was feeling thin, and I told her that was a state of mind. Funny, because I am feeling thin today, too - but I'm up three pounds. For me, it's because I dressed up for church and re-started my plan today - both things that fall under the 'taking care of myself' category. They make me feel strong and in control and those things I equate with being thin. For example - if I am thin, I am in control of my eating. If I am thin, I have a strong body. Now, none of those things have to be true - the thin me can be an out-of-control mess and completely out of shape, just like the fat me. But it's hard to shake the feeling that if I were thin, all my problems would be solved. I think the real thing is, if I value myself and make positive steps, all my problems can be solved because I have the power to do anything if I commit to it and trust in God to support me along the way (as long as I'm really working - I don't believe God will answer prayers like "let me wake up thin tomorrow," but He will answer "help me be strong" kinds of prayers. Probably very egotistical of me to think I know what God will or won't do, huh?).

So, anyway, 'big thoughts for the day' aside, I'm two supplements into the day and feeling like I can do this now. And I know each day it gets easier. So here I go, off into the world to finish my day, and I wish you all a great Sunday as well.

nickieluv · Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 1:13 pm Post subject:

Well I am having my first challenge of the day. I'm hungry. There's a shock on day 1, right?

As I thought about having McDonald's or pudding or granola bars and just starting again tomorrow, I realized that I could do that for the rest of my life - and basically have been doing it for much of my life. There will always be some food or some reason to go off-plan. I think it's OK to splurge on a vacation or at a special event, but you have to be VERY selective about what constitutes 'vacation' and 'special,' and it should only happen when you are at a healthy weight. Case and point - my husband was on a diet last year and took a break for 'the holidays' - and that wound up being from Halloween to July 4th. There's always some holiday.

I don't believe I'll ever lose my love of desserts but maybe I can overcome the attraction to greasy, yucky foods. And in the meantime, if I want to EVER be at a healthy weight, I have to stop giving in at the slightest hunger pang. In a few days I won't feel hungry anymore - although the mental cravings will still be there, and those might be the harder ones to fight. For now I'm going to go make another cup of cocoa and try to kill time until dinner. I can endure anything for a couple of hours, and that's all you have to wait between meals with MF.

So, thanks for being here, happy forum folks, and hooray to me for actually NOT eating and thinking about it first. I'm still hungry but I know that will pass, and at the end of the day I'll be one day closer to my goal instead of one day farther away from it.

nickieluv · Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 4:30 pm Post subject:

Tough tough tough!!!

I've had a snack (I guess technically two since I had pickles on my lean?) and a bit of extra protein at L&G time and I still feel like I need to eat and eat and eat. Ack!!!

It would be so easy to just eat something sugary - we have limited amounts of that stuff in the house but I could find it if I really looked.

I am going to go have cocoa again even though it's not time. I wish I could just go to bed early after that but it will depend on my husband. It was nice with my first daughter, for about a year now we've been able to put her to bed and know that she's done for the night, and we had the rest of the evening to ourselves. With a newborn again we don't know when she'll go to sleep and how long it will last. I know I'm going to feel a million times better when baby is sleeping through the night - maybe only another couple of months away, wouldn't that be great? I'm not sure how it works with a formula-fed baby - with my first daughter she would wake up once for a breastfeeding session until about 4 months, but do formula-fed babies sleep through the night sooner? I don't know, it's all new this time around.

Well, I'm off to have cocoa and then see what my husband thinks about me going to bed.

jayzoe · Trusted Member #40 Club Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 119

my kids were sort of combination breast and formula fed and they still woke about the same amount of time regardless of what they ate... some babies are up a LOT at night and some are not, it all depends on them *sighhhhh* doesn't that just suck?

I found I could control their night wakings by how much they slept during the day, and it's still that way, the MORE sleep they get during the day, the better they sleep at night, isn't that crazy? but a lot of babies are continuously sleep deprived and end up fussing more because of it *shrug*

at any rate, I didn't mean to get into all the in your journal, sorry!

good job on the cocoa cuz you were sugar craving, that's the way to do it!

Michelle in NJ · Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:32 pm Post subject:

You are one tough cookie! (oops, no pun intended

)

Congrats for getting through such a trying day. I have some extra chocolate whey protein from the Vitamin Shoppe and when I'm feeling especially hungry sometimes I'll have an extra tablespoon or 2....it's nothing but pure protein, anyway. Amazing how the protein can take that hunger edge off.

My hat is off to you!

Keep up the amazing work!

SharonR · Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:55 am Post subject:

Hey Nicki, just for the record I have been doing the 4 & 2 the past week and I have droped over 4 pounds. It seems to work well for my mind, I feel like I get to eat more, well because I am! For now that is how I am dealing with staying on plan, I always seemed to fail in the 5&1. Just thought I would share that.

Hang in there girl!!!! You can do this!

nickieluv · Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:05 am Post subject:

Thanks Sharon - I thought of doing the 4&2 when I was going to be breastfeeding, but now that I'm not I thought I should be more strict and do the 5&1. And actually, I'm shooting for 6&0 every day and am just having the L&G when I think I need it - which I probably will need it every day, but you know. Thinking that I'm not going to have it, and then having it, sort of fills my off-plan urge - like I'm having something I'm not supposed to even though it's perfectly OK. I am a mental mess to have to trick myself like that!

Today is harder than yesterday. Did I think it would be easier? Well, I was hoping. Yesterday I wasn't feeling hungry until the afternoon - today, I've been hungry since I woke up. But damn, this plan works, and I have to remember that in my weak moments. I was never really, really good at sticking to it, and I want to know just how well I can do if I don't veer off course. I'm using this new rewards system to try to propel me to 100 days on-plan. So far it's worked this morning - I was tempted by those granola bars again but I want to have my reward of some sleep desperately, so I just had my MF bar (just as good, I'm telling myself).

So I was having all cocoa plus one bar, but today I think I'm going to have oatmeal a couple of times to hopefully fill me up more. Just make it through the day - I can do this - and imagine how awesome I'll feel with a few pounds gone next week - just imagine!!

Michelle in NJ · Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:33 pm Post subject:

Oh, granola bars....isn't it hysterical how they are billed as "health food" when 99% of them are LOADED with sugar? But I love 'em, too.

"Damn, this plan works...." you are so right, I love how you expressed yourself there! And you're looking to the future and anticipating your weight loss in a positive way. Sounds like you've got a good mindset going....keep it up!

Michelle

Mike · Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject:

Personally, I have gotten to where I prefer the MF Fruit and Nut Granola bar to any other kind of granola bar. Rock on you ladies.

jayzoe · Trusted Member #40 Club Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 119

AAAAAAAAACK, how long have I been missing the Fruit & Granola bar????? I never even noticed it, and I ADORE granola... must go order!

I had a huuuuge wake up call awhile ago, on Yahoo they often have "biggest food myths" or "most unhealthy food" banners, so i clicked one the other day and noticed that my absolute favoritist

cereal had the MOST sugar out of any sugar on the market

I was eating massive amounts of this stuff and never even noticed the sugar content, how's that for sad

no wonder I went into serious sugar withdrawal my first day on Medifast

but now I feel so much better without all that sugar in my system...

nickieluv · Posted: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:13 am Post subject:

Jay - do you mean to tell me they make cereal without sugar sometimes? Crazy talk.

Fruit and nut are the only bars I have left - well, I have some oatmeal raisin but I am saving them for an emergency, because I don't want to eat them unless I have to. Same for the chocolate pudding, chix wild rice, and chili. But I'm running out of cocoa (well, I will in a couple of weeks) and I'll have to start having other things, too. My mouth is watering for some chocolate mint bars with my first real order - boy do I miss them.

I am doing OK so far today - I've eaten twice, really close together, because I got a late start on eating (I had been up for almost 3 hours by the time I was able to eat). I'll have another one - now, actually - but the FABULOUS news is that my hunger is subsiding. The cravings are now officially mental. I thought briefly about going off today, but I am so looking forward to being able to say that I made it 100 days that I resisted. Plus I get my first sleep reward tonight if I'm good. I'm trying to think of something I want for my 10-day reward - anybody with ideas that are cheap (meaning, free!) let me know.

Well, off I go - time to eat, then I have to get the baby up and feed her before we all go off to the dentist for my older daughter's first ever appointment. I hope she handles it well - it can be scary. I don't know exactly what he's going to do - do they do a cleaning so young with all the equipment and everything? Or do they just say 'hi' and teach her how to brush and stuff? We'll see what happens.

Baby is stirring - good, it's better if I don't have to wake her up - so I'm going to go make something or other to eat now.

DogMa · Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 3:46 pm Post subject:

Hey, Nickie. You OK?

nickieluv · Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject:

Thanks for checking in, Robin - yep, I'm still hanging in there. It was a busy morning (we went a-visitin') and when I got home, the site wasn't working for a while - I kept getting an error message when I tried to come on.

I'm having a bit of trouble at the moment - I'm not hungry - in fact, I'm pleasantly full after my L&G - but I'm thinking to myself that I'm rocking the program after five whole days, so I could have just a little bit of chocolate or something and it wouldn't throw me off.

I know this is false - it would totally derail me, probably for several days. So I'm not going to have the little 100-calorie cookie snack pack - but I want it. I miss my chocolate and sugar and desserts.

I can have my cocoa before bed, though, and that is sweet and chocolatey enough that it pretty much fills the bill for that dessert craving. But I don't know - the idea of giving up sweets depresses me, yet I don't know if I could ever have 'just a little' in maintenance. I LOVE them, and I love LOTS of them. Maybe I should just keep a supply of cocoa always?

Well, I have time to think about it, I won't be maintaining any time soon. I think I will just always love food much more than is healthy, and it will be an even bigger challenge learning to maintain my weight than it's going to be to lose it.

Oh - also, I was up almost two pounds this morning, but I had a very salty dinner last night so that's probably why. That's what I'm saying, anyway. I know fluctuations, even big ones, are pretty normal, and eventually you can't help but lose weight on this plan. It still gives me a little twinge to see a gain, though, and maybe that's where the cookie thing is coming from today. I'll resist it - I REALLY want to get to that 100 days and I know the time will fly by until mid-November, if I just stay true to that goal I think I'll be amazed at where I am by then. Plus, it will just feel great to say that I did it, after all the times I started and faltered.

Then what? Well, then I start on another 100-day quest. One day at a time, I can do this. I just have to trust myself and love myself enough to let myself succeed instead of throwing up cookie-shaped roadblocks.

nickieluv · Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:54 pm Post subject:

OK - so I just asked my husband if I really wanted cookies. And he said I didn't. And I said I did.

So - yes, I WANT cookies. But I don't NEED cookies. And part of being an adult is realizing that you can't always get what you want. I've not been a great example of that in the last week with all my shopping, but it is true. So just because I want cookies doesn't mean I have to eat them. I can choose to be responsible and strong and grown-up and not eat them.

Instead I've made cocoa, even though it's early, and then I'll be going up to bed if all parties agree to it. And on my calendar I counted out 100 days and put a big block around that 100th day (11/17) and when you look at it on a calendar, it doesn't seem all that far away - at least, not on the calendar I made, anyway. I just have to remember what my biggest priority is - and right now, it's making it to 100 days. And I can't ever do that if I don't get my head around the fact that 'want' is my enemy sometimes, and I have to think in terms of what I truly need.

jayzoe · Trusted Member #40 Club Joined: 07 Nov 2007 Posts: 119

hehehe, I just re-read what I wrote about the granola, I'm such a dope! I meant to say that my favorite cereal has the most sugar out of any CEREAL on the market... including all the super sugary kid cereals, I was just sort of shocked

good job sticking to your plan, trust me I KNOW how hard it is when those cravings kick in *sigh* have you tried some of the other recipes that are out there? I find that when I bake or make something with my Medifast it works really well to curb a craving cuz of the texture and just the feeling of "baking" sometimes too... plus it's nice to chew something sometimes