Katesmom

katesmom · Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 10:30 am Post subject:

It is early afternoon and I thought I'd check in...I was asked to go into work today (I'm a school psychologist in an elementary school) and wasn't due back until next Monday technically...I was worried about what people would think...Would they say, Wow, look...she hasn't lost weight all summer, or Gosh , she really can't get healthier, can she?

Then an amazing thing happened...I was greeted with warm hugs and "how are you's " and my perception had been wrong !! I walked away from the meeting feeling better and thought to myself, "Wait until I really start shedding the pounds!"

There is a part of me that wonders what people think now...Then when I drop the 150 pds, what do they think? Don't they know that I am wonderful Pam (AKA Katesmom) and will always be this or that no matter what I weigh????? I hope that I won't get angry at them, when all of a sudden they do show attention or when I start getting compliments....

Anyway, Sorry to ramble...It is a cold and dreary day here in Connecticut...

Take Care and Thanks for being here...Being supportive...and accepting me for me

!

Diana · Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 11:58 pm Post subject:

It sounds like you and I share issues. And I will tell you I have gotten angry. When I returned to school last year almost 75 lbs slimmer, suddenly I was seen as more capable, more attractive, more approachable, more able, etc. The reality was, though, that I WAS more physically capable and more attractive. It still angered me, though, that I felt others devalued my intellect and professional capability based on my size and the effort it took to maneuver (sp?) it.

Have a GREAT school year! Our teachers started last week and kids arrived yesterday. (I'm home sick until Thursday, though. sigh.)

katesmom · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:14 am Post subject:

Thanks Diana,
I guess I will just have to take things as they come, and not worry about "who" notices and what they are really thinking... I understand that people usually for the most part are trying to be kind and want what is best for you (me).

What grades do you teach?

ChynnaDoll · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:03 am Post subject:

and sometimes they're really thinking WOW, i wish i could look like her, and sometimes they can be a little jealous..i kid you not...keep doing what you're doing and one day somebody will ask "What weight loss program did you use?":+)...won't that be just so gratifying in a way..but i DO so absolutely know what you were saying tho:+)

oh btw, i'm a retired College professor

Love,
Chynna

katesmom · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 2:15 pm Post subject:

Sabotage....That is all I can say as to what I did to myself today...I am in tears because I started out the week with a positive attitude had one slip and got right back up...Well today I slipped BIG TIME...I am trying to figure out what is going on...

I started out the day in great shape, had a shake at 6:30 a.m. and packed the rest in a cooler to bring with me... I went into work and had a meeting with a colleague that had gastric by-pass 1 year ago. Well, a parent of a student that we were discussing in the meeting, exclaimed to my colleague (who was sitting right next to me ) , "Wow ! You look great...I would have never recognized you...You must have lost a lot of weight...You look GREAT !!! My colleague friend (full of excitement) said, "Oh yes, thank you ...I lost over 120 lbs since a year ago".

I don't know what my emotional mind felt at that point but I finished the meeting, and headed directly to McDonalds'...Like in Monopoly..."Do Not Pass Go---Just Directly to McDonald's. I ate a double cheeseburger, small fries, 2 apple pies, and made a second trip this afternoon...

I am home now..Thank God...

Sorry that this is so long but I am just an emotional mess right now...I have a shake in hand as I type, and need help...

The good news as I pulled into my driveway...My Medifast box was waiting on the front porch for me...

In addition...My hubby is out of work, had arm surgery this summer, suffers from depression over his fathers passing, and can't talk about his feelings...

I think I am taking on the world-emotionally and have to STOP !!!

I also just thought that perhaps I am going through early menopause(?)

ChynnaDoll · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 2:58 pm Post subject:

I'm feeling you girl..but you got right back ON..holding that shake in your hand as you were typing is a darn good sign:+)...we ALL fall down but we get up...a BRAND NEW day awaits you sweetie, plus you have your order now and all..so don't beat yourself up about today...look at it as just a little bump..you'll be fine:+)

Keep on shaking!
Love,
Chynna

BabyTrace · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:26 pm Post subject:

Sorry to hear you had such a rough day. If you really want to figure out what may have triggered the binge, I'd look back at that conversation you described since it sounds like it was immediately after that you bolted to McDonald's.

How did it make you feel when you heard your friend getting all of that praise? Were you happy for her? Were you jealous? Did it make you feel inferior because you haven't lost your weight yet? Did you feel like you will never be that successful? did it make you sad?

I'm an emotional eater myself. I eat when I'm afraid and as someone who struggles with anxiety, I'm afraid a lot of the time. Sometimes I really have to take a step back when I feel those familiar feelings coming on and the urge to stuff the fear and pain down.

You deserve to be successful, KM. You have every right to lose weight just like your colleague and be the recipient of all that praise. You are struggling now in the early stages, but you are still here trying and that says a lot. The fact that you are having a shake tonight shows that you are determined to not give up.

Keep working at it and next time you may have the strength to resist those urges. Sometimes McDonald's may still win, but as you continue on plan and get stronger you'll end up with more wins in your column.

Hang in there. You can do this!

queenielou · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 3:42 pm Post subject:

Trace,

That was beautiful! I completely agree with you - Pam, you deserve to be successful. Having the shake once you got home is a huge step toward getting back on track. You're gonna do this!

Hope you're having a better evening.

katesmom · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:12 pm Post subject:

Thanks so much Trace and Queenielou for your comments...I took a hot bath after I posted earlier and feel better, even though I cried through most of it . I'll call it the binge cleansing bath ! I have mixed my shakes up for tommorow and decided not to have anything more to eat or drink tonight and just RELAX !

My daughter needs a healthy Mom in every way, and my hubby needs me too, whether he wants to admit it or not !

Trace, to answer your excellent questions, here we go:

Yes I felt sad that I wasn't getting that kind of praise, and jealous too. I guess I should throw the word "inferior" in there too, while I'm being honest. I felt as though I wanted to turn invisible because this person could have just looked a little to their right and seen me ...THE BLOB !!!

The funny thing here is that I like the person who got the compliment ! She and I work together when we have to test certain kids for learning problems... She hasn't had it easy maintaining, so she says. She said that she wants to join a gym, so she can keep the weight off...She also had plastic surgery to remove unwanted skin... Sorry to be so long winded here...

Well, tommorow is another NEW day and I will NOT give Up !!!

Have a lovely evening,
Pam (aka-Katesmom)

Elizabeth · Preferred Member #20 Club Joined: 03 Aug 2006 Posts: 562

Pam,

I understand your frustration. Keep trying. Never give up.

BabyTrace · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 5:40 pm Post subject:

Way to persevere Pam! Here's to a great tomorrow!

DonnaS · Posted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject:

Pam I'm sending hugs your way and I hope tomorrow is better for you. Sometimes it can be overwhelming when we think of how far we have to go to get to where we need to be. Just take it 3 hrs. at a time and before you know it you will be a month into the program and on your way.

katesmom · Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 12:55 am Post subject:

Good Morning All !

Thank you to Elizabeth, Tracey and Donna...I know I'm up early (4:00 a.m.) but couldn't sleep so I got up and started my shakes ! I had a restful sleep, and now I'm back to business... I will be meeting my daughters 3rd grade teacher today and will put my positive attitude on !

I mentioned earlier, that early menopause could be playing tricks with my emotions, so I need to get that checked out, to see if I am in the beginning phases of it...

I feel blessed to know all of you and can't wait to be losing again ! I decided NOT to weight myself until roll call on Sunday morning...Patience, compliance and time have to work their magic !

Ciao !

Pam

bikipatra · Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 3:05 am Post subject:

Hope you have a great day!

Elizabeth · Preferred Member #20 Club Joined: 03 Aug 2006 Posts: 562

Have a great day Pam! We can do this....one MF meal at a time. This is something that I have been doing that seems to be helpful. I got this from Biki.....Eat your first MF supp within one hour of waking and then make a little schedule to follow (I write it out and stick it on the fridge). I have my supps every 2-3 hours. When I'm struggling I space them every 2 hours apart. I think it will be a little tricky for me today because I was up so early today so I will try and space them every 2.5 and see how that goes. Off to fill up my water bottles for the day. Have a great day. We really can do this.